Lightening Online

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Take a bunch of fat cantankerous sheep and ask your wife to help you draft them.

Make sure your wife is overtired and brewing a cold so that she bursts into tears instantaneously without really being able to explain why.

Then call out instructions to her from where you’re standing, causing the sheep to run away from you just when she finally has them running the right way. Therefore, making her job harder and making her feel even more stupid than before.

When she bursts into tears, tell her she’s doing a good job so that she feels even worse about bursting into tears and then tell her not to worry about drafting the sheep because you have no idea that not completing the job is going to completely decimate what little self esteem she does have.

Add into the mix an overfed, cantankerous dog. Then part way through, blame the kids for the dog not working because you insist they feed the dog but complain they don’t do it “right”. Attacking her children is going to make her feel so much better about he whole situation - NOT!!!!

When said sheep are finally drafted, drop the bombshell that 2/3’s of them need to be re-drafted to make a 3rd group. Tell her that it doesn’t really matter if she doesn’t want to do them. Of course, now she’ll be leaving feeling like the job isn’t “finished” and we all know how women LOVE to leave a job unfinished.

When the job is finally over, tell her that she was much more patient than you would have been which probably made the job easier in the long run. She might even *just* believe you and it might save your marriage.

If you can come up with a cup of tea and some chocolate - she might even consider helping you out again. One day…

P.S.  For those of you who are concerned, Farmboy and I are fine.  While this is an account of what happened, it is meant to be funny - you’re allowed to laugh. 

1. The way your eyes twinkle when you smile.

2. The way I feel so safe and warm when you wrap your arms around me.

3. How you snuggle your kids in their covers at night so they will feel warm and cosy and SAFE.

4. Your deep resounding Faith in God.

5. The way you always put your family before your own needs and desires.

6. Eating your Homemade Chips

7. The way you let me warm my cold feet against your warm legs when we’re in bed at night.

8. The way you massage my feet without expecting anything in return.

9. The way I can tell you anything and know that you’ll still love me regardless.

10. Watching you get excited when you’re passionate about something.

11. Seeing the way people look up to you and really LISTEN to what you have to say.

12. That you are my BEST FRIEND.

Happy 12th Wedding Anniversary honey. I can’t believe it’s been 12 years when it feels like just yesterday we were married. I can’t wait for the next 12 and the next 12 after that. Marrying you was the BEST decision I have ever made.