A Time For Reflection
Image via WikipediaI love that my birthday falls in the middle of the year. Often the beginning of January is a time for reflection and consideration of the year that has past and a focus on the year that is to come. I like to do the same on my birthday (which is today).
The past 12 months has been an absolutely amazing year for me. It’s been a year of really examining my past and understanding how that has affected my growth up until this point in my life. It’s been a year of learning more of who I am and that I don’t have to be a product of my past. That I can take the struggles and the pain and learn and grow from them. But I don’t have to stay in a state of struggle and pain. I have a choice. I have control.
It’s been a year of learning what makes me smile. A year of finding ways to care for myself. A year of learning that I am WORTH taking care of.
Last year I recognised that for the first time in my life, I could honestly say that I am GLAD I was born.
This year I’m celebrating the fact that I’ve lived another year of life. And I can honestly say that Life is Good. It’s not perfect. It has plenty of struggles. But those struggles have a purpose. They bring growth and wisdom. They bring with them great learning opportunities. They bring depth to life and a great appreciation for the good times.
I love that I can look out the window and see the sun peaking through the clouds. I can see a garden in a mixed state of production. The pumpkins are dying back while the cabbage and broccoli are embracing the cold and booming away. Seasons in life bring change. While some of us are in a season of dying back, others are in a season of growth. Without the seasons, we wouldn’t have the great variety that life has to offer. We wouldn’t have changing conditions that embrace various personalities, needs and stages of growth.
I feel like I can look back on the 34 years I’ve lived on this earth with a sense of satisfaction. I have survived much and achieved much.
A couple of weeks ago, my counsellor read out to me my life story from ages 5 to 18. I have always considered myself to be “weak”. To hear read out the things I went through and the way I not only managed to survive but somehow thrive really surprised me and gave me a new perspective. I realised that I am stronger than I ever thought.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have need for support. We all have need for support. To have the love and encouragement of family and friends.
What it does mean though is that I don’t have to be a “product of my environment”. Not only do I have choices but I have the strength to MAKE those choices.
I feel like I have made a transition from a mere grub crawling on the ground, to spending the past couple of years in a caccooned state (hiding and somewhat in need of protection from the world) to finally entering a butterfly state. Finally free to fly and be myself.
Last year my online friends gave me a very precious gift. What I really wanted for my birthday was for my blog counter to click over 1000 visitors. They worked hard to make that happen for me and it meant a lot. These days my counter clicks over 1000 visitors once or twice a week. But I don’t take any of those visitors for granted and each one means a great deal to me.
I wondered what I could “ask” my online friends for this year (insert cheeky grin) and came up empty. Because you give me gifts every day. When you read what I’ve written, comment on what I’ve written, email me or interact with me through groups and forums you give me the most precious gift anyone could ask for - friendship. For that I send you my heartfelt gratitude. You have helped me to feel like I am a worthwhile person. And everyone deserves to feel like they are worthwhile. Yes, I AM talking to you who just had the thought “she doesn’t really mean me”. If you’ve taken the time to read these very words, I want you to know that you mean something to ME. I may never have met you or even heard from you, but you have given me the time to read what I have to say. And I’m saying right now. You. Are. Worthwhile.
Celebrations today will be fairly quiet. The kids gave a very groggy mother some gifts this morning. I was pretty weary after yesterday’s efforts (taking a day out to do something I LOVE was my gift to ME).
I ended up with the best of both worlds in my cash vs gift dilemma. Farmboy bought me a new office chair and gave me $50 to spend. Combined with some money from other family members, I’ll have $140 to spend on myself.
Tonight we’re going out for a meal with friends. Just one other family so nothing too overwhelming. It should be a nice evening.
Once upon a time I hated birthdays. Once upon a time my birthday brought tears. Now I LOVE birthdays. I can handle getting older because it means I get to celebrate being ME once again. And it’s a celebration that I’ll NEVER take for granted.
