Lightening Online

I believe that a key part of Simple Living is to learn new skills. Learning to cook from scratch, growing your own food and making your own clothing are all skills which can bring much pleasure and connection with the earth. They are also valuable skills to help a household cut expenditure AND reduce our effects on the environment. Those who are worried about a peak oil crisis encourage everyone to develop these skills for basic survival.

I have to admit that I’m not really a “doom and gloom-est”. However, I do like to challenge myself and learn new skills. I think it’s the best way to grow and learn. Okay, sometimes I like to challenge myself and learn new skills. Other times I want to hide in the closet with my fingers in my ears.

This was the case when the shopping bag swap was announced at Down to Earth. After the stresses I went through trying to make my first tea cosy, I thought perhaps I’d sit this one out. After all, I’ve never sewed a shopping bag before. In fact, my sewing is pretty limited to track-suit material and flannelette. And really, who cares if your stitching isn’t straight on a pair of pyjamas?

BUT a shopping bag to send to someone else? That perfectionist monster started to rear it’s ugly head once again. I was SURE I couldn’t sew a bag that would be GOOD ENOUGH to send to someone else.

I think perhaps Rhonda Jean was inside my head that day because she wrote a great post “Swapping Helps Develop Your Simple Living Skills”. Here’s a brief excerpt from that post:

You don’t have to be an expert seamstress to join, Sharon has found some excellent tutorials to guide your project and no one expects perfection. If one of the reasons you haven’t joined is that you think you don’t sew well enough, put that thought aside right now. This swap will help you improve your sewing skills.

In response to my comment about hesitating, she then wrote:

lightening, the aim isn’t a perfect bag, love, it’s participation and developing skills. Join in, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.

And Sharon, the lovely lady who now organises Rhonda Jeans swaps wrote:

Lightening-join in-there is no perfection in sewing by anyone. The point is to learn something, have a lot of fun, and meet new people. I have worn out many many seam rippers in my years of sewing!!

So I decided to give this a go.

One of the requirements this time around was to use something you already had. Many years ago I bought a few metres of calico. I figured to dress it up a little I could do a stitchery to attach to the front.

So I finally managed to do the “Live Simply” stitchery I’ve been wanting to do. Of course, now I’ll need to do another one for myself.

I chose to sew a singlet style shopping bag as it made the handles much easier for me to deal with. Here is the finished product:

It occurred to me as I was stitching the “Live Simply” stitchery to the calico that we tend to go to a lot more effort when it comes to making something for someone else than we might for ourselves. As much as I LOVE this bag, I couldn’t imagine taking the time to make one for myself. I thought that was an interesting observation.

I received my bag from my swap partner Julie the other day:

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It’s so sturdy and large!!!! I’m going to be able to do LOTS of shopping with it!!! Isn’t it a pretty design? And look at the inside:

It’s PINK!!!!! Yaaahhhhh!!!! Thanks Julie, I LOVE it!!!!

I am so going to add this to my 101 Things I Thought I’d Never Do list. Did you notice that I’ve finally made a page for that???

Rhonda Jean posted this definition of success recently and I liked it so much I wanted to post it here.  I think it pretty well sums up my own definition of success. 

SUCCESS by Ralph Waldo Emerson
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

What about you?  How would you define success?  I think it’s an appropriate thing to ponder on as we draw near to the end of a year and a new beginning.

Every day when I look out the kitchen window, I’m sure I can actually see the growth in my vegie patch. This is my first summer garden and compared to the winter one I attempted to grow, things sure grow fast.

In fact, I underestimated the amount of room some of my plants would need so things are getting rather crowded. Oh well, we’ll see what happens when it comes to harvest time. There are about half a dozen zucchini’s growing (when I can fight the forest to get to them) and a few tomatoes starting to form on the tomato bushes (and they really are BUSHES, despite pinching some of the branches out a number of times).

This photo shows some of my tomato bushes (the tiny one in the corner was planted later) and a pumpkin vine (I think) growing out onto the hay between my 2 vegie patches (which was my intention).  If you’d like a larger view, simply click on the photo.

This shows the sweetcorn we’re growing. My 4 year old was riding his bike past the patch the other day and almost fell off. He stopped, got off his bike and went to stand next to it. “Wo-oh. It’s getting bigger and bigger”, he said. LOL. He is LOVING the vegie patch.  I also have more zucchini, some apple cucumbers and some beans growing in that patch.

When I first started attempting to grow vegies I thought it was about providing fresh and chemical free vegetables for my family. I didn’t really expect to enjoy it and find it as therapeutic as I do. And I didn’t expect my children to get as much enjoyment and wonder from it as they do. They are constantly reminding me how much value children really place in the simple things in life. We think that buying them more STUFF will make them happy when in reality something as simple and back to basics as a vegie patch has provided more joy for them than any toy they’ve ever been given.

I am REALLY bad at asking for help. It’s a pride thing, I know. But I wonder if it’s also a cultural thing. Once upon a time neighbours were more aware of people’s situations and therefore their struggles and would automatically lend a hand at times. These days it would seem that a combination of our busy lifestyles and our desire not to “interfere” has made that sense of community gradually disappear.

Isn’t it sad that our lives are so busy that we find it hard to fit in reaching out to another? Isn’t it sad that our desire for privacy and “individuality” has caused us to shut others out of our lives?

What about help within a family? DH and I have been talking about this lately. We’ve been trying to work out why his parents seem to want to help his sister and her family and yet seem reluctant to help us out - even when it seems really obvious to us that we’re in need of some help. At first I thought perhaps it was the son/daughter issue. BUT, he has 2 sisters and only one of them gets the attention and the help.

Is it that they’re not interested in helping us? Do they love her more than they love my DH and the other siblings? Does she appear more “needy” than the rest of us?

Sadly, DH and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to get help from his mother is to basically “tell her” this is what’s happening. Occasionally I have gotten to the point of actually asking her for help, only to have her turn me down. This was very perplexing to me as it takes me quite a lot to actually ask for help and when I ask, I’m really DESPERATE. Not that she would know that I guess.

DH has taken over the “asking” now and he basically says “we need you to have the kids…..”. And 99% of the time that works out well. I struggle a little because I feel like we’re being “demanding” and that we shouldn’t expect anything from her. We should wait until it’s offered. I guess we’ve waited for over a decade now…… It’s not that she doesn’t really want to help. It’s sort of a case of “the squeaky wheel gets the oil”.

I guess on reflecting on all of this I feel a great sadness. A sadness that we’ve all let our lives get so busy that we just don’t have the time to reach out to others when they’re in need. I know that before my breakdown I was as guilty of this as anyone. I also feel sad that many people feel they need to put on an act of “having it all together” and not opening up to others about how they’re really feeling. Again, I’m really bad at this myself.

So many people have commented at how shocked they were when I had my breakdown. Nobody could even imagine that I’d be struck by something like depression. Even my poor DH was rather shocked by the whole event. Me, well…..I knew something wasn’t right and that if things kept going the way they were I felt like I was going to collapse in a heap. To be honest, I did try to tell my DH about it. He thought he could “fix it”. He’s Mr “fixit” himself. He and I make for a bad mix when it comes to getting help because neither of us is very good at admitting when we need it.

I wanted to tell someone. For months I had it in my head that if an opportunity would come up, I would say something to one of my closest friends. Sadly, the opportunity never came up. Maybe I was supposed to *make* the opportunity. Maybe I was so used to putting on a “front” that I didn’t know how to let down my guard enough to show people the tank underneath had run completely dry.

When I saw a Psychiatrist for the first time in January of this year, he diagnosed me with having zero self esteem. Not “low” self esteem but “NO” self esteem. I remember sitting and talking with a friend about this (finally getting to the point of opening up and being more honest) and she was rather shocked. Her comment went something along the lines of thinking that no-one would EVER have picked that about me. Do people really see me so much differently to the way I see myself? Sometimes, I’d really like the opportunity to just sneak a peek at the way others see me. Curious minds want to know and all that.

It’s ironic that now I sit behind a keyboard and spill my guts in such a very public way. Not that the whole world reads my blog or anything. But they could if they wanted to…..

In 2006 I was out of circulation for many months. In that time I was sent 1 card. Just the one. If I had been in hospital, do you think I might have received more cards than that? Don’t get me wrong. We weren’t abandoned by our friends or anything like that. Many people from our church cooked meals and cakes for us. I did receive a few emails. And people were constantly asking my DH how I was going and sending their regards and love via him.

But just 1 person of all the people in my life took the time to actually sit down, write a card and send it. To be perfectly honest, that hurt me a little bit. I know my friends care. I know how busy they are. And it’s challenged me to consider how often in my life I’ve stopped and taken the time to write someone a card. Just a note to let them know I’m thinking of them. Nowhere near often enough.

I have been as guilty as anyone else of filling my life up to capacity and then some. Running from one thing to another. Constantly on the go. Constantly running so close to empty that there’s nothing left to give another person. The hearts desire might be there. But if I don’t act on it, how can that person ever know I was thinking of them?

I think we all need to take a step back and really examine our lives. Are we too busy to help someone in need? Are we too busy to bake a cake for our own family, let alone find the time to bake a cake for a neighbour or friend? Are we so busy trying to tread water ourselves that we don’t even notice those drowning around us? And if we do notice - are we in a position to help them without drowning ourselves?

This is a challenge I want to take on myself and I encourage any of you reading this to do so also. As we move into the busy, festive season and then in to a New Year. Do we really want to keep living this fast paced life where people don’t matter enough to us? Can we pause a moment and take a step back long enough to look around us and see how others are doing? Can we pop a little note or card in the post telling someone how much they mean to us?

What can we do today to make someone smile? What can we do to make their day just that little bit brighter?

Some of you may have noticed I’ve changed the title of this blog. I felt the old title was rather long and cumbersome. The definitions I’ve posted underneath are my own. They’re not who I AM but who I desire to be.

What can you do today to spread a little “lightening” in the world.

This time of year is not nicknamed the “silly season” for nothing is it? Here it is, the middle of November and already I’m finding my calendar is getting out of control. This is particularly challenging for someone like me who is recovering from a Nervous Breakdown. The temptation is there to really push my boundaries and “make things happen”. Or at least - make myself do things.

I’m finding myself gradually returning to the state I was in before where everything seemed important and I couldn’t decide what not to do. It’s not easy to maintain a simple, low stress lifestyle in todays culture.

I guess we can’t blame the approach of Christmas on all of our busy-ness. Perhaps because our lives are often already full, the extra burden of Christmas activities are what tips the scales. Here in Australia, with it being the conclusion of the school year, we have “end of year” activities added in as well.

My DD had a wind up for her kindermusik classes yesterday, which is why I guess I’m feeling like the pressures of the “silly season” have begun in earnest. For someone who is really only up to going out once a week at best, needing to go out 3 times in the one week is a little too much. Today is my “regular” day for going out. Tomorrow just happens to be the day my DD’s class is hosting the primary assembly (her first time ever of being involved in hosting) and so the extra kindermusik break-up yesterday was an activity that tipped the scales in favour of “too busy”. So, it’s not really “Christmases fault” after all - but poor old Christmas gets the blame.

One thing that has saddened me recently is reading about how some “simple livers” have decided to avoid Christmas altogether. That they’re celebrating the fact that they’re free from the “burden” of Christmas. To me that’s saying that if you take the commercialism out of Christmas, there is nothing left.

How incredibly sad that commercialism has so sucked the life out of Christmas that people don’t seem to be able to see any other reason to celebrate it. Now most of you know that I am a Christian and so for me, there really IS so much more to Christmas than spending more money than you can afford on gifts people don’t really want, clogging up storage space with way too many Christmas decorations and eating so much unhealthy food that you then turn around and have to pay money to try and lose the weight you gained doing so.

What about those who don’t have a “religious” reason for celebrating Christmas? Is the commercial side of Christmas all there is? I don’t believe so. The sentiments of “peace on earth” and “goodwill to men” are awesome things to be celebrated.

I have an online friend who claims that her family no longer celebrate Christmas. They’ve decided to do away with the commercialism that Christmas seems to be closely associated with. I respect their decision to do that. BUT…. here’s the thing. Their decision as a family has been to donate a portion of what they would normally “waste” during the “silly season” and donate that money to a charity of their choice. In my mind, they ARE celebrating Christmas. The REAL Christmas. The true spirit of giving.

So, if you’re starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the whole “commercialism” of Christmas. Consider that you don’t really *need* to cancel Christmas altogether. Instead, let’s get back to the true meaning of Christmas. Let’s uncover that spirit that has been deeply buried in wrapping paper, tinsel and copious amounts of food and find the spirit of giving. The spirit of forgiving and reaching out to friends, family and maybe even strangers.

To me, Christmas is the perfect time to embrace the concepts of Simple Living. To consider that less really is more. Less overspending leaves us with more money to give to those who really don’t have anything. Giving to those less fortunate than us helps us to grow and understand how much we truly do HAVE and how blessed we are. Forgiving others frees us from the bonds of hurt, anger and bitterness. Showing love to others allows us to grow in ways that are beyond our comprehension. Taking time out to get in touch with and/or spend time with friends and family - not because we *have* to but because they’re special to us and we want them to know that.

This year, let’s have the courage not to “cancel” Christmas but to celebrate in the true spirit of the season!

(I have more I’d like to say on this topic so come back tomorrow for part 2….:-) ).

I had a bit of a sad moment on Friday night. We took the kids to see a motorbike stunts demonstration with live band etc in a large shed. It was rather loud and I’m not up to being out amongst people too much yet. After about an hour, I went out to the car to give myself a break from the noise, the smoke and the people.

I sat in the car and worked on my knitting. I’m so pleased I’ve taken it up as a hobby. It really is quite soothing. However, I must admit to feeling somewhat alarmed that I was sitting there knitting instead of being inside in amongst the action. I guess I associate knitting with the grandmother generation. I had a slight moment of panic and a few tears at what I was afraid I had become (ie old). After all, if wasn’t that long ago that DH and I were in the midst of organising such events as these. I think I was about 7.5 months pregnant with DS3 for the last event we were overseeing (not exactly the same as this one but similar). DH found it quite interesting as people kept asking him questions about it in the lead up to the event and on the night as they assumed he was involved.

As I sat there knitting and pondering the turns that life has taken, a peace came over me. I returned to the thinking about seasons that I began back when I wrote my post One size does NOT fit all . I think right now I’m in a season of rest and reflection. Sometimes I want to fight against this season and move into a more “interesting”season. It doesn’t work like that though. I think one of the many benefits of a simpler life, is accepting that life has ebbs and flows and to a point, flows better if we relax and move with those ebbs and flows.

Let’s consider the seasons for a moment. We think of seasons as being weather related. Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring. But they are more than simply a change in weather. They reflect seasons in life. Times of life and birth, happiness and heartache, death, dormancy, rest, hope, reflection, colour, vibrancy…. all of these words and many more may spring to mind.

You could relate these seasons to a day. During our “winter” season of the day we sleep then in the early morning (or not so early for some people lol) comes the spring. The hope of all that a new day brings. As the day progresses and the sun reaches it’s peak, we have the warmest part of the day or the “summer”. Then in those twilight hours (often accompanied by beautiful colours) we have the “autumn” and the winding down in preparation for another night of rest (winter).

I used to think that life was a nice straight line. You were born at one end of the line and when you died the line stopped. Now I’m wondering if life is more of a spiral. We move round and round through the seasons many times in our life. Perhaps not always in the same order and often varying in length. After all, the seasons in nature are constantly changing and bringing with them an element of surprise.

Being in a “winter” doesn’t mean that the end is near. It’s simply a time to rest and reflect. A time to recharge the batteries, to learn and to grow and be ready for the spring-time when it comes.

We need to be careful when we compare ourselves to others. Perhaps we aren’t in the same “season” as them right now. What’s right for one person won’t necessarily be right for another. Perhaps it will be at another time. Perhaps it never will be.

Whatever season you’re in right now. Take the time to enjoy all that that season brings to your life. There is richness and beauty and meaning in every season of life that we experience - if only we take the time to notice.

We often hear of the term “keeping the home fires burning” in reference to the importance of one parent staying at home full time. The idea being that part of this person’s role is to make the home a warm and welcoming one (just like a warm fire makes a home feel warm and welcoming). There is another kind of “fire” in a home that needs some effort to keep alight though. That of the relationship between a husband and wife.

My DH and I have been married for over 11 years now. In some ways it seems like yesterday that we got married. In other ways, it feels like a lifetime of ups and downs through that decade plus. I don’t know what the average length of a marriage is these days, but I do know that now more than ever we have to be prepared for a lot of hard work if we wish to keep our marriages for a lifetime.

For those of you who have been through a marriage or long-term relationship breakdown, my heart goes out to you. Please don’t feel in this post that I’m saying you could have avoided that happening. I understand that relationships break down for all kinds of reasons, some of them unavoidable. I guess what I’m really trying to do with this post is reflect on my own marriage relationship and what we’ve learnt so far.

My DH and I have what I would describe as a reasonably good relationship. We seem to be well matched personality wise and we’re more than just husband and wife, we’re best mates as well. That doesn’t mean though, that it’s all plain sailing and that our marriage so far hasn’t been without it’s problems.

To be honest, in some ways it surprises me that we survived even the first year of our marriage. It wasn’t the easiest of years. DH was working very long hours in the family business and being paid a pittance of a wage. I was working part-time in a job that caused me a lot of stress and while my income wasn’t huge, we chose to put that away in case we fell pregnant - so that we weren’t used to living on 2 incomes. Combined, DH and I were earning around an average income. We took on too many other commitments so much of the time we did have together was spent focused on these pursuits. There was a marriage break-down within DH’s family that tore us apart in ways we weren’t expecting and alienated us from his family. Issues with other siblings and so on. It felt like we were living in a pressure cooker.

When we had our first child after not quite 2 years of married life, DH continued to work long hours while I stayed at home with the baby. It wasn’t until we had our second child and DH was around a little more that he even realised how much of our first child’s early years he had missed out on. I struggled with a certain amount of loneliness and isolation that being at home with a young baby can bring and the times that DH was around, I was ready for him to give me a break from the baby. There wasn’t a lot of energy left to connect with him.

There was a certain amount of conflict with DH’s work and our need to live closer to where he was working. Unfortunately, when we finally moved out to the farm, while we did get to see a little more of DH (on and off throughout the day), it also brought the conflict to our back door. We still felt like we were living in a pressure cooker.

I was the kind of mum that was very attached to my children. The thought of leaving them, especially overnight, caused me a great amount of grief. On the couple of occasions that we did manage to leave them, I would feel so sick the whole time that it was hard to relax and connect with DH.

Over and over I have heard people say that it is important for a husband and wife to spend time together away from their children. Whether that takes the form of a “date night” or a few days away together is probably less important than the fact that you get away and have that time without children on a regular basis.

It’s only now, almost a decade after having my first child, that I’m finally learning the importance of that when it comes to “keeping the home fires burning”. Comments like “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and “quality time is more important than quantity time” leave me somewhat confused.

What I’ve found in my marriage relationship is that the less DH and I talk to one another, the easier it becomes NOT to talk to one another. That the more time we spend together, the more time we WANT to spend together. And that we need QUANTITY time together before we actually reach the level of QUALITY time.

I guess that’s another gift that Simple Living brings to our lives. The opportunity to spend quantity time together. To relax, chat, go away for a few days or whatever. In the past, we’ve often been too busy. A couple of years ago we instituted the idea of a “date night” where we’d drop the kids off at Granny’s and have a meal together. The idea was there but the institution proved somewhat difficult and I think we managed to get out about 3 times during that first year, instead of once a month like we’d planned.

This year, with life at a slower pace, we’ve managed to get out more often. And now, in the past 2 weeks we’ve been away from the kids overnight TWICE. lol. It wasn’t originally planned quite that way but it’s how things have worked out. We find when our lives get busy, it’s our time together that’s the first thing to be sacrificed. I know it *should* be more important to us but I guess it puts up the least resistance to being dropped and so that’s what happens.

I think it’s also one of the sad things about families living so spread out these days. It gets harder and harder for couples to get away and leave children with extended family while they get a break and the opportunity to rekindle their relationship with one another. We were very blessed this week as my parents are not as busy as usual right at the moment so they had the time to come over (they don’t live all that close to us) and stay with the kids in their own environment while we went away. Add to that the fact that DH’s parents own a shack which is empty at this time of year and we were given an opportunity that didn’t even cost us a lot of money. I know it isn’t always that easy so I feel very grateful that we were given this opportunity.

On the first morning we both slept in until 9.10am which was quite a surprise when we’re used to being woken up much earlier. LOL. So surprising in fact that we hadn’t bothered to set an alarm and we had to leave at 10am as we had booked the car in to get the windows tinted. Funnily enough we managed to have a cooked breakfast as well as shower and get ready to go in less than 50 minutes. When you’ve spent a decade getting kids ready, you forget how long it takes to get ready when you’re just the 2 of you.

So, we’ve had a lovely time away. The opportunity to catch up on some sleep as well as some beautiful meals together. And we’ve talked and connected and recognised the fact that this is something we need to do more often if we’re going to “keep our home fires burning”.

With all the lovely benefits of DH not working so much this year, I’m not sure if I’m going to want him to return to a full workload next year. It’s going to be interesting to see what happens.

I think I’ve mentioned before the fact that I find my journey toward a simpler lifestyle can at times be a little lonely. I find myself questioning if I’m really doing the right thing when others around me seem to be heading in the opposite direction, more in flow with the rest of society. I have found the internet to be a wonderful way of connecting with others who have similar ideas and ideals.

BUT, I find at times I need to be careful to appreciate other people’s ideas and journey in life and not simply follow their path blindly. It’s great to be challenged and to get ideas from others but that doesn’t mean that everything I read will be the right thing for me. After all, we are each made unique and our path in life is going to be unique to us. Just with all things, there isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to Simple Living.

I want to talk about a few specific examples that have been floating around in my mind lately.

Let’s start with being a stay at home mum. In a 2 parent family, having 1 parent at home certainly helps to simplify our life. I’ve seen the frazzled look of some mother’s who work full-time and can’t help but feel sorry for them and thankful that I’m in a position where I can choose to be at home. The question I want to raise though is can we really say that being a stay at home mum is best in *every* family situation. Obviously there are instances where the choices are very limited (for example, in single parent situations).

I have a friend who recently returned to work. She has 2 young children that go to childcare while she is at work and she suffers from a lot of “mother guilt” from leaving them. I’ve been trying to understand where that guilt stems from. Is her heart’s desire to really be at home with those children full-time or does it come from some externally imposed idea that the best thing for her children is for her to be at home with them? She cites money issues as her reason for returning to work. Money issues that probably shouldn’t be an issue given her DH is on a VERY good income. But on digging deeper, I can’t help but wonder if *money* is what she considers a “socially acceptable” reason for returning to work. That any other reason would make her feel that she is being selfish. You see, when you dig a bit deeper you find that she really loves her job. She enjoys the kind of person she is when she is working and her DH notices the difference as well. He likes who she is when she’s working. And for them at this time the extra money does help to release some of the extra pressures in the home. Can we really say that her improved self esteem, improved relationship and less financial pressure in the home is *worse* for her children than attending a quality child care centre and seeing a bit less of mum? I just don’t think it’s all quite as clear cut as that.

I guess what I’m trying to say with this is that we are all unique beings with unique circumstances and we need to feel free to make our decisions based on this, without feeling any guilt or pressure from either “side” of the argument. I’m all for encouraging people to stay at home with their children if that’s what they WANT to do. I do feel sad when people say that’s what they WANT and yet can’t or don’t find a way to make it happen. I’m all for encouraging people to follow their hearts desire - wherever that may lead (within reason lol). If your heart is calling you home, find a way to make it happen. It’s a very worthy calling in my opinion - that of a stay at home mum. BUT, if it isn’t, don’t let guilt weigh you down. What you’re doing may very well be the best thing for you and your family at this time.

Homeschooling is another one that I’ve come across. I’ve read many homeschooling blogs who advocate that homeschooling is the BEST thing for ALL children. No ifs, buts or maybes. How can they really know what the best thing for MY children is? Homeschooling is a great option for many families. But again, there isn’t a “one size fits all” when it comes to education. We’re all different. Why can’t we celebrate our uniqueness rather than trying to “guilt” people into thinking one way is the only way to do the BEST for their kids? Not that all homeschoolers have this attitude - I guess some are just very passionate about what they believe.

Another area I’ve come across is frugality. When it comes to how we spend our money, we’re all different. So I’ve been spending $100 a week on groceries for our family. I love to share about that and challenge myself and others to do better. Challenges are a great way to promote change. Does that mean that if someone spends more than that on their groceries, that they’re not frugal? Or at least not as frugal as me? Not at all. I’d be the first to admit that I’m more frugal in some areas of the budget than I am in other areas. I work with what works for me and my family. You have to work with what works for you and your family.

So I’ve been trying to work out where all this guilt comes from. I was reading a magazine article yesterday talking about how competitive mother’s can be about their children’s achievements. It’s getting so bad that some mother’s have dropped out of playgroups and other similar things as they’re sick of the competitiveness that goes on. I can’t help but wonder if at least some of it stems from our sense of inadequacy. We fear that if we’re doing things differently (or our children are) that somehow we’ve gotten it wrong. After all, we all want to do the best by our children don’t we? And let’s face it - parenthood is HARD.

I do think parenthood, simple living and celebrating our own uniqueness can all go hand in hand. But only if we accept that “one size does NOT fit all” and that we need to find our own path in life. The one that is RIGHT for us and our families. And when I’m finished writing this post, I need to read it myself. Because when it comes to putting pressure on myself to do things like this person or that person or feeling that I *should* or stressing that I’m not being the best parent possible - well, I’m about the worst culprit you’ll find.

This is post number 8 (!) in a series of posts outlining some of journey so far toward a simpler lifestyle. I can’t believe I’m up to 8 posts!!!

If you haven’t already done so, you might like to read the first 7 before you read this one:

Post 1: A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step
Post 2: Joe Dominguez
Post 3: Tracking Spending
Post 4: You Cannot Steer a Stationary Ship
Post 5: Living the Dream
Post 6: How Did This Happen?
Post 7: Words of Wisdom

A few weeks after my nervous breakdown last year, DH came home one day and suggested to me that perhaps next year he should cut back his workload a little. Strangely enough, instead of jumping at that idea, I laughed and told him I thought he was over-reacting a little and that I would be well and truly back on my feet by then. At the time he was flat out trying to put a crop in on 4 different properties (with his brother and dad helping), looking after 3 children, a sick wife and running a household. In hindsight, it’s not all that surprising that he was feeling the need to cut back on his workload a little.

But at this point in time I was convinced that if I wasn’t going to be recovered within weeks, it would be months not YEARS until I was back on my feet. As baling season and then harvest approached toward the end of 2006, it was becoming more and more likely that my recovery was in fact going to take years rather than weeks. In some ways it was kind of a relief that our year finished so poorly, leaving us with very few bales of hay in need of baling (DH and his brother had a contracting hay baling business) and crops that didn’t take too much time to reap. I’m not sure our family could have coped with anything more at that time.

So it was at this point that we made the decision to give up the baling business and scale DH’s workload right back to working just the farm we’re living on. It was a HUGE step and even though the scaled back farming was only for 1 year, it was still a step taken with some trepidation. So much so that DH never did get around to running the figures on our current scenario. But his estimation is that we’ll be about $30,000 short in income. This is business income, not personal income (although our personal income is a part of the businesses expenditures). For us the decision became more about what we *needed* to do rather than what we could *afford* to do.

It has always been our dream that one day DH could “semi-retire” and we would build a house here and he would just farm this farm where we’re living. Some days I feel like I need to pinch myself to see if the dream we’re living right now really is a reality. We’d always expected we’d be 50+ before we could realise the dream of living and working on this farm.

DH is having a wonderful year. He came home to the farm the day he finished year 12 and has worked hard and long hours ever since. The only way he tends to get a break is to go away somewhere and even then, that requires extra hours before we go and after we get back in order to get all the necessary jobs done. This year marks his 15th year of farming. No such thing as long service leave in the farming sector.

I think it’s doing him the world of good. He’s under less pressure and he’s less sleep deprived than he would usually be. He’s enjoying pottering around the house getting some of those jobs done that have been niggling at the back of his mind since we moved over 2 years ago. He’s discovered where half of my time goes as he ferries kids around to sport and has time to go to their many and varied school events. He’s even managed to fit in a couple of games of football himself (until he discovered a 30+ year old body is more prone to injury than a 20+ year old body lol).

In fact, we’re having such a good time that if we could make it work financially, I think he’d stay semi-retired. At least now that we’ve had a *taste* of our dream, we can be sure it’s what we really want and have something to look forward to and continue to work toward. I’ll be surprised if we wait until we’re 50 to have a year like this again. At the moment though, we’re just taking 1 year at a time and seeing where life leads us.

Here’s the interesting thing though. I spoke before about reducing our income by $30,000 in doing what we’re doing. Of course, that’s a very approximate figure as the ingoings and outgoings in both farming and our contract business fluctuate greatly. It’s handy to have some kind of approximate figure to work toward though. Late last year we decided to sell up a couple of investments we had (small ones that had grown a bit) and pay off our own house mortgage. This has reduced our interest bill by around $10,000. Due to the drought we’re now getting some drought assistance which adds up to almost $20,000. There you have it - $30,000. I still can’t quite believe how things have fallen into place.

I started off this story of our journey talking about how a “journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step”. You know, that applies to chasing our dreams as well. We took a step toward our dream, not knowing how things were going to go. And it wasn’t until we’d already taken that step, that the *how* started to fall into place. Sometimes we get so focused on the here and now and the obstacles that stand between us and our dreams, that we’re too afraid to take that first step.

Perhaps the *how* fell into place for us because making our dream a reality became more of a *need* than simply a dream. It’s been a good lesson to me though of how easy it is to *wish* for our dreams to come true instead of being spurred into action by taking a step toward them.

I don’t know what the future holds for us. I’m sure it will be full of ups and downs. Possibly next year DH’s workload will increase slightly. It was never our expectation that he would “semi-retire” for good at the age of 32. But it’s been nice to have a little taste of our dream right now. It’s really highlighted the fact that for us, having more time is much more valuable than having more $$.

I could talk all day about chasing dreams - but perhaps I’ll leave that for another post, another day. Our journey in life so far hasn’t taken quite the path we expected it to. But I will say, despite the struggles, I wouldn’t change where we are (or who we are) right now for anything.

What have I learnt so far? Many things but these 3 are the ones that come to mind right now:

1. Don’t be afraid of the hard times - they provide an opportunity to grow and learn.
2. Don’t be afraid to go against the flow - the majority isn’t always right.
3. Don’t be afraid to chase your dreams - there is nothing in life better than living your dream.

Take a step…..Dare to be different…..Be who you were created to be!

This is post number 7 sharing some of my journey from mindless consumerism to a more simpler lifestyle. If you haven’t already read the first 6 posts, you may like to do that first:

Post 1: A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step
Post 2: Joe Dominguez
Post 3: Tracking Spending
Post 4: You Cannot Steer a Stationary Ship
Post 5: Living the Dream
Post 6: How Did This Happen?

I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby and the midwife warned us that we would come across a lot of well meaning people, all with different opinions on how best to raise our child. Add to that all the literature out there on what’s best for baby and it’s no wonder many new mum’s feel overwhelmed. This information overload isn’t just limited to parenting though is it? We all have our opinions when it comes to all facets of life – money, wealth, careers, homes, child rearing…..the list goes on. Thousands of “experts” also spout opinions on a range of topics – often contradicting one another and yet spouting their way as the “only” way to go.

So how do you decide who you will listen to? How do to you tell the “true words of wisdom” from those that will lead you down a path you don’t want to go?

I once heard someone suggest that you should look for people who are where you want to go. Find out how they went about getting where they currently are. This was a suggestion in relation to building wealth, but I think it can be applied to all kinds of life situations, including simple living.

I think that’s the great thing about the internet world. It seems to be so much easier to connect with people from all walks of life. No longer are we restricted by geographical location. I know I’ve found places like simpleliving.net and FrugalAussies to be instrumental in my journey toward simple living. Recently I’ve been reading at aussieslivingsimply as well. Another great bunch of people. Then of course there are the many blogs of other people’s journeys (gotta love those blogs!).

Of course, when it comes to simple living, there are plenty of conflicting ideas on what does and does not constitute a “simpler” life.

When my first child was a baby I had quite a startling experience. We were only a few days home from the hospital and my own mother was staying with us at the time. I remember saying to her “oh, I feel really awful all of a sudden”. Her reaction was to go straight to my baby – at that exact instant he choked on some mucus. I think that experience will be forever etched in my mind. As mothers, we have an inbuilt instinct – I think at times we’ve forgotten how to listen to that intuition or we don’t trust it very well.

Since that experience with my newborn baby, I have tuned in a lot more to that intuition. I go a lot by gut feeling in how I parent my children. I’m not saying I get it right all of the time – but mostly my gut instinct serves me well.

I guess you could say I’m following my gut instinct with our move toward a simpler lifestyle as well. When I read about other people’s journeys – there is something that seems to resonate deep within me. It just feels *right*. Perhaps not very scientific – but hey, science often gets things wrong anyway!!! LOL.

There’s another important part of my life that plays a very big part in *who* I listen to and what “words of wisdom” I follow. My spiritual side. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how little I’ve so far said in my blog about my beliefs. Am I trying to hide what I believe? Not at all. Do I worry about what people might think? A little, but perhaps not in the way you might expect. It’s not that I’m worried about what people might think of me so much as my concern as to how they might view God. That somehow, my many imperfections might reflect badly on God.

I’m a Christian. What does that mean exactly? Well, basically it means that I believe Jesus Christ is the son of God and also a part of God. I believe he came to earth as a man and was crucified, died and returned to life. That none of us on our own can ever get close to being “good enough” for God and so our only way to a relationship with him, is through Jesus Christ.

You see Christianity isn’t about being “good enough”, it’s about adoption. Being adopted into God’s family as one of his children. But so often you hear people saying they don’t want to have a bar of the “church” cos they’re a bunch of hypocrites. I know a lot of horrible things have been done in the name of religion (Christianity included but not on its own there) but I feel sad that people blame God for that. Being a Christian doesn’t make me any better (or more perfect) than the next person. All it does is make me a child of God and for that I’m extremely grateful. To know that I am unconditionally accepted and loved by the creator of the universe is an awesome feeling. So please don’t blame God for my imperfections (or anyone else’s for that matter). He’s the perfect one, not me.

All that aside, I am a Christian and I do use the bible as my most important sources of wisdom. So I wanted to share a few little “snippets” that I’ve found helpful as part of my journey toward simple living (and a life less caught up in money).

I love the writings of King Solomon. He was well known in his day for being the wisest and wealthiest King alive. I think to this day his reputation still stands. One of the great things about having decluttered our lives of all our activities during my recovery from my breakdown was having the extra time to read my bible (once I regained the ability to read and process words).

Here’s one passage that really stood out to me, written by King Solomon:

“So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 2:17-19

I think a couple of things really stood out to me about this. The reminder that one day we leave this earth and we don’t take anything with us when we go. We can work and work and work to build wealth – to what end? Another that really hit me was that often we use the “for our children” excuse when it comes to building wealth. I think it’s a normal parental reaction to want to provide for our children. But are they really going to thank us if we spend a lot of our time while they are young toiling away, building wealth for them that they may or may not want? That they may or may not appreciate or use wisely? Is it better then to give them the gift of our time. To build a relationship with them and teach them about what is truly important in life?

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t set anything aside either for our own future or our children’s. I guess what it really comes down to is having a balanced view about ALL the things that are important. Rather than getting too focused on a tomorrow that no-one knows what will bring.

Here’s a quote from Jesus himself:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and dust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” Matthew 6: 19-21

I’ve been thinking about rising interest rates and stock market declines over the past few days. We think freedom comes from having money. Money makes us feel secure. In my limited experience, having money and/or investments doesn’t bring any security at all. In fact, we found it just added stress to our lives – what to do with the excess money? Where is the best place to put it? When should we sell the shares we have? Can we pick the right moment? It can “feel” great to have a little more than you’re used to having. But it can also be an added responsibility.

We decided last year to sell our investment property and some shares that we had in order to pay out some debt. What a freeing feeling that has been, especially in light of the interest rate hikes and share market fluctuations. We can just continue on in our own little corner of the world and remain a little more “oblivious” to all of that. I think it’s the drawcard simple living has for many people – to get out of that whole rat race and back to the basics of food and clothing etc.

I’m not saying any of these things are actually bad. I do think though that chasing them at any cost can cause an imbalance in life.

Here’s a couple more quotes from the bible that have really touched me recently:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.” 1 Timothy 6: 17 & 18.

I know at times I’ve been guilty of thinking “when I have more money I will help….”. It brings me back to the “how much is enough?” “Just a little bit more” scenario. By world standards, we are already rich. We have so much MORE than our basic needs met here while people the world over are struggling to get 1 meal a day. I need to constantly challenge my thinking and remind myself how much we have and how much more we could be giving. The interesting thing about giving is that the more you give, the more you realize you truly have and the more blessed you feel. At least that has been my experience so far.

Part way through last year, DH and I decided to put the photo’s of our sponsored children and our sponsored rickshaws on our family room wall. We struggled with this for a while as there is also a passage in the bible that talks about keeping it a secret when you give money. But we needed to share these people with ourselves. They are a wonderful reminder of how happy people can be on such truly tiny amounts. And a wonderful reminder to us of how much we really do have.

This post isn’t meant to come across as “preachy” so if it does, I apologise. I just wanted to share with you a snippet of the things that influence me and the way I make decisions about where I feel we’re meant to be heading in life. When it comes to both money and simple living, I don’t believe there is a “one size fits all” approach. I also don’t believe that there is a “one way forever” when it comes to how we view financial matters. We’re making the choices now that we believe are right for us NOW. What choices will be right for us in the future… well we’ll have to work that out in the future.

We’re almost “caught up” to the present time in my reflections on our journey toward simpler living so far. I think there will be just 1 more post to go. Mind you, when I started I didn’t expect there to be as many posts as I have written so far. So we’ll see. LOL.

Next Instalment: 2007 - Our Timetable Brought Forward