Lightening Online

You may have seen mention around the Blogosphere of the passing of the world’s oldest blogger, Olive Riley. Olive’s words, through her blog, have inspired many people.

Admittedly, she did have some help with her blogging - by someone almost 70.

I get so inspired by those in the “grandparent” generation getting into new technology. I’m sure there are many who could run rings around me when it comes to technology. But then you get others that really don’t want to have anything to do with all things computer related.

My own grandfather is another one who has inspired me. He bought his first computer in his 80s. Before that he already had an email account set up that he used at the local library. He usually had to get the library staff to help him, but he wasn’t beyond asking for help and learning something new.

When my parents were studying at theological college, there was a lady there with a similar story. Already in her 70s, she was working her way towards her degree. Everyone commented on how inspirational she was.

Last night at netball training I was encouraged by a lecture the coach of another grade was giving her team. Our coach cancelled our training due to many of the team (including herself) being away. 3 of us ended up going to training anyway so we happened to be with this other grade when the coach was giving her team a lecture.

The theme of her lecture? You’re never to old to learn.

The reason for her lecture was that she was unhappy with the attitude of some members of her team. We’d been working through a drill earlier in the night which focused on practising our passes and she didn’t feel they were really paying enough attention to what was being said and shown.

Her main point was that it doesn’t matter how much we think we know or how old we are, there is always something we can learn.

To be honest, 90% of the time at netball I feel like a complete idiot (the other 10% of the time I’m so close to death I don’t care LOL).

When someone says “throw a lob”, everyone goes ahead and does it.

Me? I’m thinking….”what’s a lob, how do I throw it, when would I use it, I wish I didn’t have 2 hands, 2 feet AND a body to try and co-ordinate at the same time as throwing or catching a ball”.

To be honest it is REALLY easy to feel very discouraged, like a complete idiot and wonder why on earth I’m putting myself through this? Especially on the days when it just doesn’t feel like I’m having fun.

So even though I was a “ring in” (ie not part of her team) and she wasn’t really talking to me, it was a lecture that I found very inspirational. A reminder and an encouragement that we never know too much or get too old to learn.

On days when I’m thinking “what on earth am I doing trying to learn netball at 34?”, I need to remind myself that “I’m never too old to learn”. In a way I think being open to learning something new every day is the secret to “staying young”. And the secret to getting the most out of life.

Olive Riley leaves behind her a legacy that says “you’re never too old to learn”.

Is there something you’ve been putting off? Something that you’d like to learn how to do? Perhaps now would be the perfect time. How amazing would it be if we all chose to learn something new, in honor of Olive Riley, the world’s oldest blogger.

I haven’t blogged much about my Life Coaching in recent weeks. We’re taking a brief recess while I try to allow my body time to adjust to all the med changes it’s going through. I’m very PASSIONATE about the Life Coaching process but I’m also a believer in the fact that there is a time and a place for all things.

One of the things I have been working on as part of the Life Coaching process is a Visual Board of what I would like my life to be like in a year’s time. Some of you may recall that I really struggled with writing what I would like my life to be like in 5 years time.

The Life Coaching process has been really helping me to discover what I DO want for my life. While I think a longer time frame is good to think about, using the time from of “my life in a year’s time” was a good stepping stone for me.

I approached the task by simply making a few notes about things I wanted to change about my life now. Working through some values worksheets provided by Danielle (my life coach) helped me to systematically work through what things were/are REALLY important to me.

I was working through this process back in May and June and decided to choose my 35th birthday (July 2nd 2009) as a significant date for my “life in one year’s time” goals. In my mind it kind of marks a “theoretical half-way point” in my life and is also the time in which we expect to be heading off on our 3-month caravanning trip (a dream Farmboy and I have had since we first got married. Actually, it was MY dream but I rubbed off on him).

Danielle suggested that if I were a visual person, I might benefit from making a “vision board”. The concept really got me excited and while the process itself took a little longer than anticipated (I had a few little hang-ups that she helped me work through along the way that were causing me to procrastinate on putting the board together), it was HEAPS of fun and I feel really positive about my current direction in life.

It’s been finished for over a month now but I’m finally getting around to showing it to you. This is what it looks like (you can click on it for a slightly larger image):

I LOVE looking at it. It holds pride of place on a cupboard door in our office (where I spend quite a bit of my time).

Some of the main features include:

• Family time
• Me time
• Home grown food
• Caravan - holidaying, trip
• Healthy & Fit
• Healthy BMI
• Decluttered Living Spaces
• Feeling Positive
• Feeling Good About Myself

All of these things are important to me and feature as a focus in what I’m trying to achieve in my life.

I’ve found it interesting that the more I work through this process, the lower earning money seems to be on my list of “priorities”. It’s not that it no longer exists, I’m just realising it’s much less important to me than I thought it was. And I suspect that once I get these other areas sorted out, that might just fall into place a little more as well. Or at least I’ll be more ready to focus on it. Maybe. We’ll see.

It will be interesting to see how things go and how close my life matches my vision board in another 12 months.

What about you? Anyone else ever made themselves a vision board of some description? Did you find it helpful?

Image by Getty Images via DaylifeAs I was heading to bed last night, I caught the last minute of play in the AFL game between Port Adelaide and North Melbourne. The commentators were making some comment about a kick that was about to be made being a deciding kick for Port Adelaide’s season. If the player kicked a goal, they still had a chance for the finals. Talk about pressure on one player! He missed and my heart sank for him (which is interesting given I am NOT a fan of Port Power).

As the television flicked into darkness, I muttered “I hate sport”. And then proceeded to self analyse my own comment. I do. I hate watching sport. I also don’t really like playing card games. My problem? I feel too intensely for the losers. Don’t get me wrong, I like winning. I just can’t help but feel bad that having a winner usually means you also have to have a loser.

I’m not a very “sporty” person. I never have been. I used to think it was because I was lazy. Now I’m not so sure. I think it has more to do with my confidence. In the past I’ve ranted against school PE teachers. I found that my PE teachers strongly discriminated against anyone who wasn’t good at sport. Funnily enough, I doubt that would be tolerated in any other subject. Did my loathing of PE mean that I was simply lazy? I don’t think it did. Although I didn’t understand that at the time.

The problem I have with sport is not just the fact that you have losers. Have you ever noticed how the desire to win can cloud all other human decency? Is there a point when it’s okay that it’s all about the win? Or should it ALWAYS be all about the win?

Why can’t sport be about fun, fitness and friendship? I know that competition can help us to strive harder. And I’m not against that. In fact, I’m a big fan of competing against yourself. Probably a bit too big a fan because I know I’m too hard on myself in terms of expectations.

The last few months have been an interesting learning experience for me. Getting involved in a sporting club has been lots of fun and the sense of “belonging” is wonderful. I’ve been fortunate to be involved in a club that has really given me a lot of support and encouragement when it comes to getting involved.

But I’ve noticed a darker side to that which comes out when the desire to win overtakes the desire to be fair.

I know. Life’s not fair. I work hard to teach my children that very fact. But it doesn’t stop me bemoaning the fact that life isn’t fair. I desperately wish it were. For my children’s sake. And for mine. And for everyone else’s.

I wonder if we took all competitiveness out of the equation whether life would be more fair?

Maybe.

Maybe it would be less fun that way? I have no idea. I mean, winning IS fun. But should it be SO much the focus that for those of us who aren’t good at sport, playing is no longer fun? Or that we sit at home wishing we could play but not having the confidence to put ourselves out there?

I guess I can’t help but wonder whether Australia would have less of an obesity problem if sport was something that EVERYONE felt they could have a go at and enjoy, no matter what their level of fitness or ability?

What do you think? Would YOU have a go at sport if it truly didn’t matter what level of ability you had?

Thank you for all your kind birthday wishes yesterday. They were lovely to receive. I had a wonderful day, marred only by one tiny thing.

I hesitate to blog about this partly because at one point in time my mother was reading my blog (I’m not sure she does at the moment but you never know) and partly because I don’t like to say anything bad about my parents. For all their failings (and as parents we all have them), I love them dearly and don’t like to say anything hurtful to them or about them.

But I’m hurting and I feel like I need to get this out before it suffocates me.

For those of you who’ve read my post on last year’s birthday, you’ll probably get the idea that I haven’t always celebrated the fact that I was born.

In fact, I have grown up my whole life acutely aware of the fact that I was a mistake. A BIG mistake. My conception was a mistake that brought heartache to a great many people. And the fact that I was born a girl was a mistake. Or at least a disappointment.

I can’t vouch for how accurate my feelings truly are. I can only state that this is what they are.

I no longer feel this way. That I should never have been born. That I don’t matter. I am learning to accept and love myself in a way I always longed for as a child.

I have a wonderful husband and beautiful loving children. I have extended family who love and accept me and celebrate the fact that I was born. I have wonderful friends, both online and off who mean the world to me.

I just wish it was enough.

Why do I continue to long for the love and acceptance from my parents that they simply can’t seem to live up to?

Last time I saw my mother, she told me she loved me. But the words just felt so empty. I’m sure she does. I just can’t seem to feel that she does.

And when the celebration of my birth goes by without a word, it only seems to widen the chasm in my heart.

Not that that is actually “normal” behaviour for them. I usually get a card. And sometimes it even has money inside it. Which probably shouldn’t matter. But does.

As a child there were years when I had parties. I always had gifts (although my birthday always seemed to fall when there was not much money) and a cake. And tears. For various reasons. Most years my birthday sucked. I can’t really explain why. It just did. I just never really felt that we were celebrating my birth. More a “going through the motions of what is socially expected”.

Did I misunderstand? Did I get it wrong? Maybe. I don’t know.

But when yesterday passed without a phone call or even a text message - it really hurt. And I want to deny the pain. Because that’s how I’ve always dealt with pain. Shoved it so deep inside of me that it would hopefully never see the light of day. Which works. For a while. Until the garbage can overflows and all the hurt and crap deep inside just overflows in a big smelly mess at the most inopportune of moments.

I think to myself “hey, plenty of people had parents that were a LOT worse than yours so just get over yourself”. But it’s not as easy as that. My mind can deny the pain and rejection. But my heart simply won’t.

And I wonder if this is something that I will ever come to terms with. Will the day come when my birthday can be celebrated without the pain of rejection? Without that tiny niggle in the back of my mind that I shouldn’t be celebrating the fact that I was born. Without the reminder that my very existence was a mistake? A burden? An imposition?

I want to love myself in the way everyone deserves to be loved. I want to be whole and without “baggage”. I want to forgive and forget.

I just wish it wasn’t so hard.

Image via WikipediaI love that my birthday falls in the middle of the year. Often the beginning of January is a time for reflection and consideration of the year that has past and a focus on the year that is to come. I like to do the same on my birthday (which is today).

The past 12 months has been an absolutely amazing year for me. It’s been a year of really examining my past and understanding how that has affected my growth up until this point in my life. It’s been a year of learning more of who I am and that I don’t have to be a product of my past. That I can take the struggles and the pain and learn and grow from them. But I don’t have to stay in a state of struggle and pain. I have a choice. I have control.

It’s been a year of learning what makes me smile. A year of finding ways to care for myself. A year of learning that I am WORTH taking care of.

Last year I recognised that for the first time in my life, I could honestly say that I am GLAD I was born.

This year I’m celebrating the fact that I’ve lived another year of life. And I can honestly say that Life is Good. It’s not perfect. It has plenty of struggles. But those struggles have a purpose. They bring growth and wisdom. They bring with them great learning opportunities. They bring depth to life and a great appreciation for the good times.

I love that I can look out the window and see the sun peaking through the clouds. I can see a garden in a mixed state of production. The pumpkins are dying back while the cabbage and broccoli are embracing the cold and booming away. Seasons in life bring change. While some of us are in a season of dying back, others are in a season of growth. Without the seasons, we wouldn’t have the great variety that life has to offer. We wouldn’t have changing conditions that embrace various personalities, needs and stages of growth.

I feel like I can look back on the 34 years I’ve lived on this earth with a sense of satisfaction. I have survived much and achieved much.

A couple of weeks ago, my counsellor read out to me my life story from ages 5 to 18. I have always considered myself to be “weak”. To hear read out the things I went through and the way I not only managed to survive but somehow thrive really surprised me and gave me a new perspective. I realised that I am stronger than I ever thought.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have need for support. We all have need for support. To have the love and encouragement of family and friends.

What it does mean though is that I don’t have to be a “product of my environment”. Not only do I have choices but I have the strength to MAKE those choices.

I feel like I have made a transition from a mere grub crawling on the ground, to spending the past couple of years in a caccooned state (hiding and somewhat in need of protection from the world) to finally entering a butterfly state. Finally free to fly and be myself.

Last year my online friends gave me a very precious gift. What I really wanted for my birthday was for my blog counter to click over 1000 visitors. They worked hard to make that happen for me and it meant a lot. These days my counter clicks over 1000 visitors once or twice a week. But I don’t take any of those visitors for granted and each one means a great deal to me.

I wondered what I could “ask” my online friends for this year (insert cheeky grin) and came up empty. Because you give me gifts every day. When you read what I’ve written, comment on what I’ve written, email me or interact with me through groups and forums you give me the most precious gift anyone could ask for - friendship. For that I send you my heartfelt gratitude. You have helped me to feel like I am a worthwhile person. And everyone deserves to feel like they are worthwhile. Yes, I AM talking to you who just had the thought “she doesn’t really mean me”. If you’ve taken the time to read these very words, I want you to know that you mean something to ME. I may never have met you or even heard from you, but you have given me the time to read what I have to say. And I’m saying right now. You. Are. Worthwhile.

Celebrations today will be fairly quiet. The kids gave a very groggy mother some gifts this morning. I was pretty weary after yesterday’s efforts (taking a day out to do something I LOVE was my gift to ME).

I ended up with the best of both worlds in my cash vs gift dilemma. Farmboy bought me a new office chair and gave me $50 to spend. Combined with some money from other family members, I’ll have $140 to spend on myself.

Tonight we’re going out for a meal with friends. Just one other family so nothing too overwhelming. It should be a nice evening.

Once upon a time I hated birthdays. Once upon a time my birthday brought tears. Now I LOVE birthdays. I can handle getting older because it means I get to celebrate being ME once again. And it’s a celebration that I’ll NEVER take for granted.

I’m feeling like I’ve been living in a bubble for the past couple of months and the bubble has just burst. I’ve been caught up in the adrenaline of playing a game I never wanted to stop playing and the hype of those around me giving me heaps of encouragement.

This past week has seen me come face to face with a few home truths that were perhaps “hiding” amongst the gloss and glitter of being “the newbie”.

Last Thursday’s training was an absolute shocker. The fitness session nearly killed me (okay, I’m being dramatic, but you get what I mean, yeah?) and when it came to some of the skills stuff, I couldn’t seem to hold onto the ball. “Butter-fingers”, my childhood coach would have called it.

As soon as I got into our car after training, I burst into tears. In fact, I kept bursting into tears for the rest of that night and getting to sleep wasn’t all that easy because as soon as I shut my eyes, I kept replaying all the things that had gone wrong.

Admittedly I was fighting a cold and so feeling a bit run-down. Which probably explains at least some of my struggle with training and also why I was bursting into tears so easily (I’m a shocker for bursting into tears at the drop of a hat when I’m tired).

So, after all of that AND feeling like a complete alien come Saturday as it was my first game not played at our home grounds, I wasn’t approaching Saturday’s game with a whole lot of confidence in myself.

To the extent that I thought I was going to actually have a panic attack right before the game. My mind went blank and I couldn’t remember how to play. It was not a very nice feeling at all.

Hoping that once the game got started my head would clear and I’d find some kind of rhythm, I did my best to focus on the game.

Only things went from bad to WORSE. Either the Wing Attack I was playing was a pretty good WA or I really had totally lost the plot. I found her almost impossible to keep up with. The opposing team walked all over us for the first quarter. I don’t know what the score was at the end of the first quarter but I know it wasn’t good.

There was a moment of fear during our break that the coach wasn’t going to swap my position and I would have to face another quarter against this girl. I was SO relieved when she swapped me with another girl and I came off the court. My team mate was very keen to oppose this girl. She was ready to get stuck into her.

The second quarter things went a lot better and our team managed to turn the score around and give us a comfortable lead. I found some comfort in watching my more experienced team mate still struggle to stay on top of this WA. Of course, she did a much better job than I did. But I would expect that to be the case.

At this point though, I really did NOT want to go back on the court. I knew I was only playing half a game this week but we have plenty of players so my not playing another quarter wouldn’t have posed a huge problem to the team. My biggest dilemma was that I knew if I tried to tell my coach not to put me back on, I would burst into tears.

When I discovered she was putting me back on in the final quarter, I really wanted to freak out. That meant that my team-mates would have no time whatsoever to make up any short-fall in the score. I don’t DO pressure very well.

It did turn out to be a good thing in the end. During the third quarter I gave myself a stern talking to. Something along the lines of “you can’t just decide you’re not going to play because your opponent is too hard to play against”. It doesn’t work that way. I figured I’d go back on the court, play to the best of my ability, and know that at the very least, playing a challenging opponent should be a good learning experience.

I think I did a lot better in that final quarter than I did in the first quarter. It helped that I’d had a break where my opponent had played all game and was getting tired. But it also helped that I was focusing on what I could do rather than what I couldn’t do. Well, kind of anyway.

I’m not sure what I was expecting really. That since it was my third game, I was no longer a “beginner” and therefore should just be able to play as well as the rest of the team?

Who knows?

We did end up winning. Thankfully. I’m not sure my ego was up to taking a loss. I’ll have to work on that.

After the game one of my team-mates was very encouraging. And I nearly burst into tears. She was very kind and told me that she felt I was still improving (whereas I was feeling like I’d gone backwards) and that she admired what I was doing for even giving it a go.

I think it was at that point that it really hit me how hard what I’ve undertaken is. People have been saying that from the start - how amazing what I’m doing is. I’ve tended to shrug is off as nothing because all I find amazing is that my team even let me play.

Now that the “gloss” and “newness” and “excitement” have started to wear off, I’m seeing what others are seeing.

Learning a skill like this and putting myself out there in public each week is going to take guts and determination.

I still love it and am amazed it’s even happening.

But not every week is going to be “fairy tale” week.

Sometimes I’m just going to have to keep on keeping on, no matter how hard it seems.

Yeah, we spell “colour” with a “u” here in Australia. I’ve had this post rattling around in the back of my mind for a number of months now. I thought it would one day just spit itself out of my brain. But perhaps the time has come where I just sit and write and see what happens. Otherwise I’ll be 97 and it’ll still be spinning around in the back of my brain making my brain cells all dizzy and the like.

It would seem that a rumor is making it’s way around the blogworld that “Lightening Likes Pink”. Funny that. A rumor that is actually TRUE!!!! In face, one of my blog-friends has taken to calling me “The Pink One”. Which I kinda like - a lot.

I’ve always liked the colour pink. I haven’t always had a lot of pink stuff but I’ve always liked the colour.

BUT, my passion for the colour pink has a LOT more meaning than it simply being a colour I like.

Many of you know that I have been working with a counsellor to try and deal with stuff from my past that I shoved deep down inside of me and tried to pretend didn’t exist. One of the tools she has been using to assist me with this process is using my non dominant hand to write with.

For some reason, writing and drawing with your non dominant hand can help to trigger thoughts and memories from your childhood. Lucia Capacchione has written a fabulous book called “Recovery of Your Inner Child”. It details this process and how you can use it as a tool for understanding yourself and moving toward healing and liberating your “inner self”.

I have been quite staggered with the stuff that has come up as a result. Thoughts and feelings dwelling inside of me that I had no conscious recollection of.

One of these relates to the colour pink. My inner child talks about herself as being “pink”. From what I can gather it is a replacement word for “girl”.

Some of the phrases that have come out as part of this process include:

“I am pink”

“I like pink. I like LOTS of pink”

“My mum doesn’t like pink”

“She doesn’t like pink. I wish she likes pink. Like me. I’m pink”

“They want him to be the big one (referring to my younger brother). Not a girl. Girls are little. He is better cos he is a boy”

For reasons not fully clear to me, the tiny vulnerable child inside of me has the idea that my parents didn’t like me because I am a girl. That somehow being female makes me unacceptable and somehow inferior.

All of this to explain that my love of the colour pink is synonymous with my learning to love myself. To embrace the fact that I am pink.

When I first began my blogger blog, I experimented a lot with various templates and colours. I wanted a pink blog but it was hard to find something I was happy with. Eventually I found the header with the soft pink tulips and that worked well for me. It was symbolic of the gently emerging young girl who was embracing her femininity in a subtle yet positive manner.

When Snoskred began to build this blog for me, I doubt she was aware of the symbolism she created as she did so. I gave her a spectrum of pink colours to work with and she chose to experiment with the bolder colours. As soon as I saw them, I knew the timing was perfect. The “inner me” was slowly growing in confidence and ready to splash out in a bolder, more courageous way. The deeper, bolder pink was symbolic of the inner-strength growing within me. Ready to say to the world “here I am and I’m PINK and PROUD of it”. No longer a timid, soft pink but something bolder and louder.

Originally she shifted my soft pink tulip header over to this blog. It didn’t fit. I kept looking at it and not really feeling like things looked quite right. It was like I was ready for something new. The old “me” didn’t really fit in the new skin. So she sent me in search of a new header graphic. Eventually a google search led me to Balko photo where I found the header image I’m currently using.

You’ll notice though that we have still kept a part of the “old me”. As we learn and grow, who we “used” to be is still a part of ourselves. The good, the bad AND the ugly all form a part of WHO we are. I love that my blog still has a small part of the old header image in the “about” section of this page. It reminds me of where I have come from and the journey I am on.

What I want you to understand when you visit the “pink one” is that I haven’t always embraced my “pinkness”. I have spent a large portion of my life to date wanting to be invisible. Desperately wishing that I could disappear or somehow reinvent myself as a male. Not because I wanted to BE male. But because I thought I would be more loved and accepted if I WAS male.

Now I am learning to embrace my own femininity and proclaim to the world “I. AM. PINK” without feeling any shame or regret about that fact.

The phrase “Lightening Loves Pink” could really be reworded to say “Lightening Loves That SHE is Pink”. Or at least, she’s slowly learning to.

Image via WikipediaI have just finished a most exciting and AWESOME coaching session. I can’t believe how perfect the timing has been on this for me. It’s like the people I’ve needed to help me through my journey have appeared in my life at EXACTLY the right time.

I guess I’ve always thought of coaching as being someone who will PUSH you. But this process is so much more gentle than I expected. It’s more like a gentle pulling of the stuff that’s already inside - you just haven’t really brought it into focus enough to recognise it.

In the past week I’ve been looking at values and vision.

You know, I’ve lost count of the number of times Farmboy has asked me things like “what do you want out of life” and “what would you like to do that would make you happy”. And I shrug. Cos I dunno.

But now I’m getting the feeling that I DO know. I just didn’t know it yet.

This week I get to PLAY!!!!

I’m making myself a VISION board. I’ve always wanted to make one of those but never quite found the “roundtoit” required.

Ooh, cutting and sticking and pasting. What FUN!!!!

And I get to do some virtual clothes shopping as well. Yippeee!!!!!

Life Coaching Homework is much BETTER than any other kind of homework I’ve ever had to do. Well, so far anyway. Definitely an improvement on MATHS homework, that’s for sure.

Alrighty, I’m off to see if I can find myself some PINK cardboard for my vision board.

Thank you so much for all your well-wishes and encouragement on me taking the plunge on the netball court yesterday.

It turned out to be quite a day of “firsts” for our family.

Singstar Princess’s FIRST Netball “Game”

Yes, it was a scratch match. But it was played and umpired as a “real” match. At first she was a little unsure but by the time Saturday morning rolled around, she was ready to give it a go. There is SO much to learn when it comes to playing netball and she didn’t really well.

Trailer Boy’s “First” Football “Game”

At half time of the A-grade match, we often have a “mini-mini’s” game which is basically a chance for all the “little” kids to run around chasing after the football and try to kick through some smaller goal posts. It’s so cute to watch. Trailer Boy (who is 4) decided he’d like to give it a go on Saturday. I didn’t actually get to see him but FarmBoy was there and said he had a grin from ear to ear.

Our FIRST Time Staying At the Club For Tea

We’ve always planned that one day we’d stay for tea at the club after sport. Last year we never did get around to it. So last night we decided to stay. For $25 we both had Rump Steak, Chips and Salad and the kids each had nuggets & chips. Talk about a BARGAIN!!! The steak was soooo good too!

Farmboys FIRST Speech

I had no idea that the club had a sort of presentation type thing at the end of a home game. Just a few minutes of speeches sharing results and other bits and pieces of news. Farmboy is Assistant Coach for our Juniors and gave the speech in place of the coach (who wasn’t there). It’s only about a minute or so but he did SUCH a good job (particularly given it was off the cuff AND he was the first of the football coaches to speak so he had no idea what was normally said).

Lightening’s First Netball Game (well, in a LONG time - and a first with this club)

While I had my moments, I didn’t end up getting quite as nervous as I was expecting. I DID get nervous but I suspect I will always get nervous before a game. My MAJOR moments were:

• Not being able to stay hiding in the change rooms once I put my uniform on. You don’t feel like you’re wearing very much in those dresses.
• Facing up to the team when I wasn’t sure how they would react to me playing.
• Just before the game started when I realised it was all really happening and I was there, uniform and all.
• Putting on my “patches” just before I went on (and all the hub-ub going on around me).
• Walking on to the court and standing next to the GIANT I was opposing (I’m sure she was TWICE my height!!!!)

The support and encouragement I was given by my team-mates and others in the club was UNBELIEVABLE. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I’m not even sure I’m ready to put it into words yet. It was all a rather emotional experience.

And how did I go? Okay. I could probably tell you almost every single mistake I made. Actually, I could probably tell you about half the mistakes I made. LOL. The others are in areas I’ve yet to learn.

But I feel like I did okay. Which is HUGELY significant because I am very hard on myself. And while I know there’s lots more for me to learn. I feel like I’ve made a good start.

And it was AWESOME!!!!!

Really, really AWESOME!

And the score?

I forgot to look.

I was watching it from the sidelines when I was off-court.

I was watching it from on the court.

And at the end of the game, I forgot to check.

ROFLOL.

But I did find out after the game that we lost by 1 point.

That’s okay. We’ll beat them next time.

My FIRST Netball Award

The end of the game is a bit of a blur for me. My team-mates were very encouraging about how I’d gone for my first time. There was some encouragement from people who had come to watch. And of course, the coach.

As the team congregated with the coach she said something along the lines of me doing well and she was awarding me the something or other. LOL. Like I said, there was a LOT going on.

I think each game the coach gives like an incentive or encouragement award to one of the players. At the presentations, there was one player from each team which was given something.

Who knew you could get presents by playing netball???? I didn’t!!!!

So I was given a towel with the name of the club embroidered on it.

Funnily enough, I saw one of these towels a couple of weeks ago. The Netball President was showing one to someone else and I just happened to be there. And I thought they looked fantastic.

I’m figuring maybe they’re used for awards and stuff because in her speech, the president made some comment about how some people had been playing for the club for years, really wanting one. And here I was at my first game, getting one.

Interesting symbolism I thought. I can’t help but look at that towel and think “wow, I belong. I really belong”.

I had to fight back tears a couple of times during the day. But they were the good kind. The “oh my goodness, people are being so NICE to me” tears.

I wonder how I’ll go next week when I’m “last week’s news”.

As I guess you can tell from this post, it was a really GOOD day.  Today I’m very tired.  Which is to be expected.  But it’s a really “happy, satisfied” kind of tired.  I kinda like it.

This is one of those times when you take a leap into something that terrifies you.  But in the end you’re REALLY glad you did. 

I’ve been thinking about the concept of coaching lately. As children our parents are often our coach. Teaching us, encouraging us to learn and do better. We go to school and our teachers coach us. Teaching us, encouraging us to learn and do better. If we learn an instrument, take dancing lessons and/or play sport, we have teachers/coaches that do the same thing.

What happens when we reach adulthood? Perhaps we do some tertiary study for a while and that extends us. We might have a job which offers a certain amount of training. If we’re lucky, perhaps we have a boss that encourages us to “better ourselves” (although good bosses can be few and far between). If we continue with sport, we might have a coach that teaches us and encourages us to do better.

But for the most part, as adults, we have a lot less training and encouragement than we may have had as children.

I guess this is a topic that has been on my mind a little in recent times. My personal trainer is basically a fitness coach. Each week she teaches me new exercises and ways that I can extend the ability of my body. Her encouragement inspires me to go that bit further than I would on my own.

My netball coach has been doing the same. Teaching me new skills. Giving encouragement and inspiring me to do better.

And I like it.

I feel that there is something within us as humans that really WANTS to do better. WANTS more.

But on our own, do we really strive the same as we might if we had a coach? Someone to talk things through with, flesh things out. Someone who might have the right questions to steer us in the direction we really want to go? Someone to encourage us and keep us accountable.

Now I’d never really heard of lifestyle coaching until recently when an article on Australian Women Online caught my eye. I’m not sure now what part of the idea appealed to me.

Weight Loss Coaching?

I could do with some of that.

Perhaps it was the first line that stood out to me:

ShapeShifters supports and guides you to achieve your ideal weight, health and lifestyle goals.

Perhaps it was the word “FREE” in the title (cos who doesn’t like to get something for FREE???)

Or this paragraph:

With their help you will create life balance, define your vision, set challenging and desirable goals and design an action plan for success. You will formulate strategies to overcome obstacles and have all the support you need to maintain your focus for the long term.

Perhaps something inside of me felt that this could be a good next step in my journey of self discovery. Of finding out who I am and who I want to be?

Whatever the reason, I shot off an email to danielle@healthyandhappy.com.au . The first question I asked proves I didn’t quite read all of the article correctly. Because I asked if she could accomodate people that live in the middle of nowhere like I do. Which she kindly responded “yes” to rather than saying “didn’t you read this line of the article?”

ShapeShifters coach worldwide.

Doh! (I only just realised that when I reread the article to write this post).

We set up a time for the first appointment and Danielle sent me some material to read through. I got cold feet (for a couple of reasons) and cancelled the appointment. Actually, I forgot to cancel the appointment.

Danielle was lovely about it and offered to talk through my concerns if I wanted to.

One of those concerns was that I really lack direction in my life. So much so that I wasn’t sure I was even capable of meeting the expectations of life coaching.

Well, today I went through with the first introductory session. This is a great opportunity to find out more about the coaching process and get a feel for whether it’s something you’d like to continue with.

To be perfectly honest, I gained quite a LOT before the phone call even started. I was sent a couple of worksheets to work my way through and the questions on those highlighted some interesting things about myself.

You know how you have stuff floating around the subconscious but you never really sit down and examine it? It was sort of like that. A way of bringing that stuff to the front of your brain and being able to examine it and see a little of what it may mean for you (particularly in relation to life balance - something which is so important and yet seems difficult to achieve).

When I began our phone call session today, I really felt I was struggling to know what I wanted out of life. While I still have a way to go in this area, throughout the course of the coaching session, we discovered I have more direction (or ideas on direction) than I thought I had. That was actually quite an exciting discovery.

One of my fears was that a lifestyle coach might be a little pushy and bossy. Danielle wasn’t like this at all. She was great to talk to and asked some really good questions. I finished the session feeling positive and enthused.

Part of the process is setting some smallish goals to complete before the next session. One set of goals are completed over the first 1-2 days and the other set over the period of a week.

I’ve decided to commit myself to the next 4 weeks and see what happens. It should be lots of fun and quite interesting. Given I like to talk about what is going on in my life, you’re sure to hear more as I continue this process.

In the meantime, you might be interested in checking out Danielle’s coaching options. The offer of a FREE first session is available to everyone so feel free to consider that option if you’d like to try this kind of coaching to find out what it’s like. Danielle is very approachable so feel free to email her if you have any questions.