Lightening Online

Image via WikipediaOR….

Try Athlete.

OR…..

Try-Hard Athlete!!!

Yeah, that’s me. A “try-hard” athlete. LOL. Okay, maybe more of the “try-hard” than the “athlete”.

However, despite my not having the best of days yesterday, I really did put 100% into my session with my personal trainer. I was really happy with how I went.

As usual my personal trainer was wonderful and very understanding of where I’m at right now.

So we did a circuit of treadmill, rowing machine and exercise bike. 7 minutes on each. Bit of a break and then repeat and see if I could break my own distances in the time. The last session on the bike was torture and I didn’t think I was going to make it. But I did! Which was an AWESOME feeling!

I increased my distance on the treadmill and the rower. By the time I got to the bike for the second time, my legs were really feeling it. It was hard going and I REALLY didn’t think I was going to make it. So it was really AWESOME I at least matched my previous distance. Which gave me an overall improvement in distance for the circuit.

I was about ready to collapse though!!!

The exercise really did help with how I was feeling yesterday. It didn’t put me on a “high” or anything but definitely elevated my mood. Why doesn’t knowing it’ll make me feel better somehow give me more motivation to actually get out there and do it??? It. Is. SO. HARD!

THANK YOU

For all the wonderful words of support you gave me yesterday. I do my best to be as real as possible on this blog. As much as I enjoy being positive, the truth of the matter is, some days are just. plain. hard. It means a LOT to me to have the wonderful friendships I’ve built up online. I hope you NEVER feel I take them for granted.

{{{HUGS}}} to those of you who’ve shared you’re also struggling at the moment. There is something to be said for being able to struggle along together.

Thanks to those of you who raised the question about my perceptions right now. Yes, I think the way I’m feeling is clouding the way I’m reacting to some things at the moment. I’m kind of aware of it but at the same time powerless to stop it.

Some of it has been very helpful in making me reassess where my priorities lie. I have a tendency to give too much of myself at times. I’ve been a little out of balance in this and I’m working on realigning that balance a little.

Not everything that is negative in our lives needs to be eradicated. Sometimes it presents us with very real opportunities to implement change for the better. I feel I’ve taken some positive steps in the past 48 hours and embrace some of the hurt and struggle as a catalyst for that change.

Some of my struggle right now is that I’m finding certain areas of blogging rather “high-school-esque”.  I don’t know how else to explain it.  Everyone wants to be popular and noticed by the “popular kids”.  It’s the stuff I was glad to leave behind when I left high school (although I’m aware it still exists in the adult world).  *sigh*  I’ll get over it. 

Netball

With all my whining yesterday, I didn’t get a chance to tell you how netball went on Saturday.

I’m still learning about the netball “code”. It would seem that when people ask you “how did you go?” what they really want to know is whether you won or not. LOL. I need to work on my competitive edge I think. I don’t care if we win or lose as long as it’s not my fault (if we lose that is).

So, yes, we won. And yes, I did okay. And no, my coach can’t count. Because where I come from 3/4 does not equal 1/2. Apparently I was playing so well that she left me there an extra quarter. Which is nice. That she felt I was doing well. People can tell you that you’re doing well but actions still speak louder than words don’t they? I don’t expect to get that much play all the time though. Our team is rather large and our coach is very fair.

When I came off the court at the end of the third quarter she said something along the lines of wishing she didn’t have to take me off because I was doing so well. She obviously hadn’t taken a close look at my face. Because I don’t think she would have squeezed another quarter out of me if she wanted to. My fitness is improving though. To begin with, 15 minutes at the pace of play was enough to do me in. In my first game I managed 2 x 15 minute quarter and was done in. This week I played 3 x 15 minute quarters.

I think the pace was a little slower this week though. For a start, my opponents weren’t twice my size.

I’ve had a few comments about how amazing I am for even giving this a go. I guess the way I see it is that I’m blessed with some wonderful supportive friends who’re really getting behind me in this and helping me along the way.

And a coach that has embraced my desire to learn and play despite my lack of experience and knowledge (like, I’m still relearning the rules and stuff). I’m sure it’s more down to all of them than it is down to me.

And of course, all of you. My own personal cheer squad. (yes, that’s a KISS - right Bettina????) I think I need a {{{HUG}}} smiley too!!!

* I think I learnt that word from Frogdancer. How ironic that an English teacher is teaching me to use words that don’t exist in the dictionary! LOL

Would you like me to throw THIS at you????

* Image courtesy of www.a2zequipment .com

You would? Okay then!!!!

Going to they gym was probably just what I needed yesterday when I had the grumps!!!

And no, I’m pretty sure we weren’t using a 12kg medicine ball. LOL. I had trouble finding an appropriate image to steal borrow.

Although, in my searching I did stumble upon a few images showing some of the exercises we did do today. Here’s one of them.

* Image courtesy of www.health.howstuffworks.com

Yep, that’s totally me!!!! In my dreams!!!! ROFLOL. Look at that tiny waist!!!!

So we did lots with a medicine ball today. And some other arm work. Plus some cardio.

And I’m pretty sure I’m going to be able to feel my arms tomorrow.

But it was a good workout - except for the part where I drank too much water!!!! You really shouldn’t do that just before going on the cross-trainer.

So I had to take it easy because I started to feel like I was going to throw up. And I didn’t WANT to take it easy cos I really LOVE the cross-trainer. It makes me feel like I’m running on air.

Ooh, and I got to use a couple of new machines today. One was the rowing machine (well, I did have a try on it last week with my gym buddy but it was the first time “properly”) and the other was umm….. I have no idea what it’s called. Anyway, it had weights and these pulley things for working the arm muscles.

I noticed last week at netball training that I didn’t feel quite as unfit as I have been feeling, so I think progress is being made.

Image via WikipediaDuring this week’s personal training session, we ventured out to the playground!!!

And no, it wasn’t REALLY torture. I just wanted a heading that sounded effective!!!!

We did step-ups on a platform.

Running up and down stairs (okay, it was Jogging really, not running).

Dips using some of the bars.

Sit-ups (well, they don’t require equipment anyway do they?)

Jogging around the playground.

And THIS was just a small playground!!!!

No more EXCUSES peoples!!! See, you don’t need fancy gym equipment to exercise. You don’t even need a babysitter. You can exercise while the kids PLAY!!!!

Okay, I will admit that there was no-one else around to watch me doing these crazy things. So you might prefer to find a nice, quiet playground that no-one else is using.

I fared a lot better this week.  Seems my brain has gotten used to the crazy changes and I’m feeling more up to exercise.  Don’t tell my personal trainer though or she might make me work harder!!!

* image courtesy of www.rbkdirect.co.uk

I’ve been finding exercise is getting more and more pleasurable as my fitness levels improve.

So I wasn’t all that impressed this week to find my personal training session a very hard slog.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been really. After all:

a) I didn’t sleep well the night before

b) The emotional drain over the weekend took a LOT out of me both physically and emotionally.

c) It was my first day on a reduced dosage of my anti-depressant medication

d) It was “weigh and measure” week (okay, that probably had NOTHING to do with it but I had to throw it in there anyway ).

Weigh and Measure

I think this went okay. Not much happening on the weight loss front but that was about what I was expecting. Some improvements in measurements though. Nothing earth-shattering but progress in the right direction.

Positives

• Most of the time I’m enjoying exercise which is a relief after the hard slog I’ve found it in the past few months. I generally look forward to it (especially my personal training sessions).
• I’m slowly improving my eating habits again and I’m hoping that will have a gradual snowball effect (improved health leads to improved fitness and improved fitness leads to my body craving healthier foods and on it goes).
• Not counting the ups and downs of the depression, I am feeling better within myself.
• The massage at the end of my session today was REALLY good.
• My trainer had planned some flexibility exercises as part of our session. Which made it less “full on”. Have I mentioned how amazing she is yet????

Not so Positives

I didn’t get quite the same high after my session today. I think my body is kind of quivering on it’s last legs right now. I was a bit teary when I got home. I don’t think that had anything to do with the session. Just that I’m disappointed that my body is struggling.

It is really really hard to put up with feeling bad. Feeling bad is BAD. I WANT to feel good!!! (*stomps her feet like a 2-year old*)

What’s Happening on the Drug Side of Things?

Monday was my first day of cutting back my medication dosage. Who knows what kind of a rollercoaster ride we’re in for in the next few months? I’m supposed to give it around a month on this dose before reducing again. Personally, I’d like to reduce it faster and get it over and done with. But they don’t think that’s a good idea. So for now I’m trying to be good and listen to what they say.

I’m trying to approach this with a “expect the best but accept the worst” type attitude. Which is REALLY hard.

My biggest fear? Losing my fitness AGAIN. I can cope with not making too much progress over the coming months (I think). But going backwards would be somewhat devastating.

I’m toying with the idea of cutting out sugar. I’ve heard that this can help with improving depression symptoms. Not sure if I have the willpower to follow through on it right now. Is it really fair to deprive myself of chocolate through these dark days?????

For now I’m trying to cut BACK rather than cut it out. But I have heard that it’s addictive so cutting it out makes more sense.

Whatever happens over the coming weeks, I hope you’ll stick with me. I’m hoping it will be “business as usual” around here. Time will tell.

I’ve been feeling pretty ordinary over the past few days. School holidays and a bunch of other stuff has left my emotional energy levels hovering dangerously close to zero. This impacts on my mental clarity and also my general physical ability. Not only that but it affects my motivation. You could say that my “get up and go got up and went”.

So it took quite a lot of determination to go to my personal training session this week. I wanted to go. I just didn’t know how I would go. Thankfully, Farmboy had some jobs to do in town so he drove me in. That preserved some of my mental energy (not having to drive) for my session.

Things started off okay. I had my first experience using a treadmill (ever!!!). They take a bit of getting used to with getting started and stopping. I was worried I was going to end up falling off the end of it in some kind of “funniest home videos” type stunt. But I sort of got the hang of it (well, I didn’t fall off anyway).

So far, so good in an “I’m already stuffed” kind of way.

Then - WHAM!!!!

Yep, today we did BOXING!!!!!

* image courtesy of www.rbkdirect.co.uk/…/boxing-mitts.html

And no, I didn’t really cry. I was just being silly.

Phew!!! Talk about an intense workout. But it was pretty cool! And probably EXACTLY what my body needed today. Give it a bit of a kick-start, get rid of some aggression and stress and work up a sweat (therefore building up those endorphins).

A couple of times I actually thought I was going to throw up (which isn’t supposed to be part of the deal). But it was only a very brief feeling of nausea really.

And apparently I did such a good job that my trainer said I could have a Mars Bar.

Okay, she didn’t really say that. She said I’d worked off somewhere around the equivalent of a Mars Bar (in kj’s). Which was actually kind of depressing really cos it was HARD WORK!!!!!

Do you think perhaps it was a mistake to go up to her after Netball training last week and say “I. Am. So. Unfit”. Perhaps she thinks she should do something about that?????

What was that? Isn’t that her job? LOL. Yeah okay, you got me there.

It was a HARD session but it was good. I think there’s nothing more satisfying than knowing you’ve given it all you’ve got (and then some).

But man. I. Am. Exhausted. (I need a lying down collapsed in a heap smiley)

Can you believe I’ve actually made it through 4 sessions with my personal trainer??? Why, I’m almost an “expert” now. Okay, that might be stretching it quite a bit. LOL. Perhaps rather than “expert” I could call myself a “survivor”.

This week I was all excited to use some pretty, new colour weights. Actually they weren’t pretty at all. They were an ugly orange colour. Note to self: write to the gym management and tell them they need to buy some PINK handweights. I can see the footballers being very impressed with those!!!!

So, anyway, back to the pretty bit. They seemed “pretty” because in my mind they equalled progress. And progress is exciting.

I got so excited I braved the scales this morning. NOT a good idea!!!! I’m not so excited anymore. Yeah, I know, it’s about health and fitness and how you fit in your clothes and all that guff. Yada, yada, yada.

I even put on my form that weight loss was secondary to fitness. And it IS!!!! REALLY!!!! I just didn’t mention that it’s a very close second.

So I have like 2 weeks until I have to weigh and measure. Officially that is. Man, I really HOPE it shows some progress.

Oh, and I have a new meaning for the phrase “4 more”. It means “I’m sure I’m going to die any minute now”.

Getting Personal

I realised something during my personal training today. You develop quite a personal relationship with your trainer. I’m sure mine already knows more about my body’s abilities (or lack thereof) than I do. Then today I found myself opening up about stuff I probably wouldn’t share with my closest girlfriend.

Once upon a time I would have thought that was down to me being quite an open person. However, I’ve since discovered that I’m not as open as I always believed myself to be. In fact, I usually find it quite hard to talk about myself beyond a very basic level. One of my protective tendencies is to give the appearance of being quite an open person without actually opening up about the more personal things.

So, where am I heading with all this? I guess it’s hit me that it really is a personal relationship you develop with your trainer and one of trust and respect. So who you choose as a personal trainer is quite important.

We’re not exactly spoilt for choice around here but since my trainer is the BEST, well, it’s not a big problem. But perhaps something to consider if you decide to take on a personal trainer at some point in time.

Heart Failure

We did a bit more cardio work this week (so I’m on a cardio high as I write this post) highlighting how unfit I really am. I figure it can only get better from here. At least I HOPE it does - after all, isn’t that the point?

At the other end of the spectrum, I’m also learning how very minimal but carefully focused and controlled movements can make quite a difference to important muscle groups.

To be honest, 3 weeks ago, had you asked me what “fitness” was I would have considered going for a run, riding a bike and doing a few sit-ups and push-ups should pretty much cover it. Okay, so I know I know NOTHING when it comes to this stuff. But I am enjoying LEARNING.

Trainer Envy

I did get up the courage to do the fitness with the netballers last Thursday evening. Piked out when it came to the ball-skills stuff (I’m convinced I’m going to look like a complete klutz) but I guess doing the fitness stuff is a start. I will admit that I very NEARLY piked on that too but I’m glad I didn’t.

What I found interesting though was the tiny pang of envy that crept in. I’m used to having my trainer all to MYSELF. She’s MINE. LOL. So it was interesting to train under her in a large group situation. I wanted her attention. Okay, I probably didn’t - not in front of everyone else. But it was still a bit different.

And the funniest thing? We were doing kind of a circuit. A jog with reps of different exercises in between. And I kept forgetting to count!!!! I’m so used to my personal trainer doing the counting that I’d just start doing whatever the exercise was (eg push ups) and it wasn’t until I’d hear someone nearby say a number out loud that I’d realise I hadn’t been counting. I think that in the end I did more than 10 of each activity so I guess it didn’t really matter (more is better than less right?).

I will admit that I am enjoying that my whole hour of training is completely focused on me. I think that’s good progress too. Once upon a time I would have had some kind of “guilt” about focusing on myself. Now I feel a lot more positive about it and I’m learning that it can have a ripple effect if I feel good about myself and can get myself into a better stage of health.

Other Progress

When I got home today I opened the fridge and had a choice between an apple and a donut (of the “quick to grab foods” variety. I CHOSE the apple. Go me!!!! One thing I’ve noticed is that as my fitness and amount of exercise improves, my inclination to eat junk seems to be decreasing. I can’t say it’s disappeared completely but things they are a changin’.

I went to my session today with mixed feelings - some excitement and some trepidation. I knew last week was kind of a “warm up” and “settle in” type sesssion. Plus I spent about 20 minutes of last weeks session doing paperwork and weigh and measure etc. This week I had to face the full HOUR.

What I learnt today:

1. A fitball is NOT just for sitting on during pregnancy because it’s the only way to sit comfortably.

2. I am THE most unco-ordinated person that ever walked into a gym.

3. Lifting weights without any weights attached to the bar (and struggling) makes one feel a little stupid.

4. I have muscles (or a lack thereof) in places I’d never even thought about.

5. I can survive a full 60 minute session (although I did get slightly nauseous at one point) AND still be smiling at the end.

In all seriousness, it was fun - even if it was HARD at the same time.

And I figure the only way from here is up. I might not be able to achieve much yet. But I WILL!!!

(And I still think my personal trainer is lovely!!!!)

Okay, that might be stretching things a little given I’m not actually FIT or anything yet. But I did venture to the local gym today for my first session with my personal trainer.

And I’m still alive.

And I didn’t throw up once.

And it was FUN!!!

Well, most of the time anyway.

Ask me again after next Monday and I might have a better idea of how hard it is. Today was just a bit of a “get to know you” type day with her assessing my current abilities (and the whole dreaded weigh and measure ).

Or ask me again in the morning and we’ll see how stiff I am.

But my trainer is lovely and positive and even gave me a massage at the end. I felt very decadent.

So far I’m feeling like this has been a very good decision. Something for ME!!!

Yah!!! I’m so excited I’m bouncing (I guess she can’t have worked me too hard if I’ve still got enough energy left to bounce )!!!

One GIANT LEAP for Lightening!!!!!

I did something very brave!!!!!

Very VERY brave!!!!

I signed up with a PERSONAL TRAINER!!!!

She phoned yesterday to confirm and to schedule a weekly session.

So I am now officially SCHEDULED!!!!

And I have a starting date…..

31st March.

Today I am off to the local council to see about a membership to our tiny gym.

I need to become a member so I can meet with my Personal Trainer there.

Hear that???? MY personal trainer.

I so have to add this to my “100 Things I Thought I’d Never Do” List.

The one I haven’t written yet for this blog.

But I will.

Soon.

Because I can put “training with a personal trainer” on it.

Which sounds waaaayyyyy cool!

Even though cool isn’t a “cool” word anymore.

It is to me!

Oh my goodness. I am excited and terrified all at once.

What am I doing????

Lightening has a personal trainer.

Doesn’t that so make me sound all fit and healthy like????