Lightening Online

While my playing year was certainly full of ups and downs this year, my first attempt at Coaching was an AMAZING experience.

I’ve had SO much encouragement and SO many positive comments, which means SO much to someone who seriously lacks confidence in themselves.

Of course, when I said I’d take on the coaching job, it didn’t even occur to me that I’d have to make a wind-up speech.  Eeek!

Responses varied from how comfortable I look up the front speaking to speaking too long.  Oops.  I think I was worried I’d miss something out.  Anyway, the job got done, that’s the main thing. 

I completely forgot about the whole “coaches gift” thing and nearly walked off on the poor girls that were standing there waiting to give me my gift.  Doh!

I can’t believe how blessed I was by the parents of the girls.  I was given some beautiful things which I will treasure for years to come.

Like this beautiful warm rug that warms not only my body, but my heart as well, every time I look at it:

And a personalised bag:

They also made me this beautiful album:

There’s a page for each of my girls where they’ve written me a beautiful note and then some pictures and embellishments have been added:

Such a beautiful memory of my year with them!

I couldn’t have asked for a nicer end to my season with the girls.

I hope I get an opportunity to coach at some point in the future.

Image by cliff1066™ via Flickr

It’s a pity they don’t give out silver medals for netball!

Yesterday we lost our game.

I know my team-mates are pretty gutted by it.

I wish I could have pulled out something special for them.

But it wasn’t in me.

It’s been a rough week.

Something as “simple” as sport shouldn’t cause this much grief and angst.

But it does.

Often.

On Friday I was determined to go in and enjoy whatever time I had on the court.

To have the privilege of playing the final game for our club was awesome.

I wanted to honour the gift they have given me (by giving me a chance to play netball) by treasuring the moment.

I walked out onto the court with my head held high and a smile on my face, wished my opposition well and started the game.

And played like crap. 

I so badly wanted to prove that I was worthy of being out there.

But I really struggled.

I tried my best to enjoy it but it was tough.

I wasn’t surprised when come 3rd quarter, my coach didn’t put me back on the court.

Last week I thought I played well enough to deserve it (even though I didn’t get it).

This week I just didn’t.

Toward the end of the 3rd quarter the scores were even (after us being behind).

I leant forward (was standing behind my coach) and told her not to put me back on.

One of our better players who had been ill and injured had gone on for the quarter and it made a difference.

I told her if this girl had it in her to continue playing, she should let her.

It wasn’t an easy thing to do and I didn’t do it without tears.

But I believed it was the best thing for my team at the time.

Less than 5 minutes into the final quarter the ill player called time.  They were struggling and going down further by the minute.

I took the court with a HUGE smile on my face.

I’d done my bit for the team and I still got to play!

I don’t know if I played any better than the first quarter but it felt like I did.

The most important thing is I LOVED it!

When the final “time” got called, we were 6 goals down and I just couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed we didn’t win.

But overshadowing that was the feeling of being true to myself.  Doing what I believed was right but still getting the privilege of finishing the season off for our club.  And doing myself proud with what I achieved in those last few minutes.  Even if it wasn’t “enough” for the win.

I think we deserve a silver medal!

Well, I managed to get up enough courage to go to training last night.

It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

Thankfully, I have had some amazing support and encouragement from the President of our club.

She phoned me yesterday, talked to me before training last night, and was there throughout training and after when I had a little meltdown (I managed to make it to the end of training before I burst into tears).

My biggest problem now is my self confidence.

So much of netball is a “head game”.

In her opinion, I’m being too hard on myself.

Too hard on myself over what was said at the last game.

Too hard on myself about how badly I think I’m playing.

My coach and I have reconciled somewhat.

She still thinks she did what she had to do.  I still think she was wrong.

This week we’re playing with no juniors.  The President has stepped in and said it’s not going to happen.  And it’s not just about me.  We have 10 players and she has said we only use juniors when we don’t have enough numbers, not just to help us win a Grand Final.

This game is the final game being played for our club.

Next year we amalgamate with another club.

And we are the only Senior Team to make it to the Grand Final (all our junior teams are also playing though).

I admire her courage.

Maybe we won’t win the Grand Final.

But if we lose, we’ll do so with the integrity our club has been well known for.

The spirit that says everyone deserves a chance to play and being fair is more important than winning.

I REALLY hope we do win.

The club we are playing has done the opposite.

Half the girls that got them to the finals have been benched for better and younger players.

Wouldn’t it be AWESOME if  “fair and right” won out in the end?

Please pray that I can relax and enjoy our last game no matter what the outcome.  I know I play a lot better when I can get in that frame of mind.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know a little about the background to me taking up netball again.

In a nutshell, I played for a couple of years as a kid, had a coach for 1 of those years who really made me feel like I was a SOMEBODY rather than a NOBODY.

And for years grieved the fact that our moving to the city meant I never got to play again.

Until a couple of years ago when I happened to go out to netball training for fitness and reignited the love of netball I’d stuffed away since childhood.

And I was incredibly blessed to be in a club that embraced me and encouraged me to give it a go (even though I’m not very good) and a coach who is a good friend who walked me through the process and frustration of trying to relearn netball as an adult.

The first year I didn’t play all that much.  It was a big team with lots of rotating.  When it came to finals, I was happy to just play 1 quarter and feel part of it.

The second year I was considered a full “part of the team” and rotated accordingly.  We were away for the finals so I don’t know what the coach would have done there.

The third year I had a coach who was VERY fair.  She kept track of who had played how much and made sure everyone got their fair share of full games.  She rewarded people for putting in the effort (coming to training).  I think she got the best netball out of me possible because I had confidence (well, more than usual anyway) that I was a valuable member of the team.  I even got selected by the opposing team TWICE as best player for our team.  We might not have made it to the Grand Final but it was a great year of netball.  So much fun.  So much team spirit.  It’s a year I’ll always cherish.

This year has been tough.  To begin with, our coach (same as last year) ended up being pulled up to B Grade.  They play at the same time as us so she could no longer be our coach.  I’m happy for her.  She deserved it.  But sad for me because the year has been really tough.

We had a few games where different people coached us and it was pretty messy.  Then the new coach took over.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely person and I really like her.  Which I guess makes this season all the harder.  From the start she seemed to favour the better players.  I know that happens in sport but I play in the lowest adult grade and I just feel like we need to be encouraging people like myself who aren’t naturally good at sport to be able to give it a go even if they’re not successful.  Wouldn’t it be great if as a country we could get everyone playing and enjoying their sport?

I’ve nearly given up a few times in the year.  When you go home from a game in tears you have to wonder if it’s all worth it.  That’s happened to me several times this year.

I somehow managed to get my head into gear and relax and enjoy my game.  I was playing my best game ever when I injured myself.  That’s not my coaches fault.  Who knows whether things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t done my injury?

Now, I’m trying to get back into netball post injury.  And it’s hard.  And I’m wondering if I should have even tried?  Maybe I should have been content to just sit out the season.

Yesterday, I blew up at my coach.  Totally inappropriately (even if I was justified in being mad at her).  I generally don’t blow up easily.  I’ve obviously let stuff stew from earlier in the year.

And now, I just want to hide away forever.

My team has made it into the Grand Final and my confidence is completely blown.

I want to play with them in the Grand Final but I don’t know if I can.

I just feel like I’ve been treated like a “lesser member of the team” all year and I don’t know if I can give them my best anymore.

I don’t even know if I *should* try.

I don’t want to blow their chances.

But I DO want to feel a part of the team.

I want to feel a PART of the win.

And I don’t know if that’s even possible anymore.

Maybe it’s time to let go of this particular dream?

I don’t know which hurts more.

Continuing to put myself out there each week and generally feeling inadequate and like an idiot for trying.

Or giving up and not being able to play anymore.

Can you believe it’s almost 9 weeks since I hurt my ankle playing netball?

Unfortunately, there is still quite a bit of pain and a little swelling.

Tuesday I went to see a different Physio.  One who specialises in back issues.  Limping around for 2 months has taken it’s toll on my back.

Apparently my back being out is also making my ankle quite weak.

And the problems with running are now more to do with tight calves now (hard to stretch when you can’t bend the ankle without pain).

HOWEVER, last Saturday I DID return to the netball court.

So much has been happening in our club of late.

We’ve been having lots of meetings to decide what to do about the future of our club.

Our numbers for senior football have been slowly dwindling.

Unfortunately, our junior numbers and senior netball numbers are good.

Still, we’ve decided that the best thing for the long term future of our club is to amalgamate with another nearby club.

I REALLY wanted to play netball last Saturday in case it was my last time to play in our club colours (new club, new colours next year).

I was only going to play a quarter or two as my fitness isn’t all that great after 8 weeks of not running.

But an injury meant I spent longer on the court than originally planned.

And thankfully, my foot and my fitness stood up to it okay.

And WE WON!!!!!

Which means we now are in the Preliminary Final (last Saturday was the 1st Semi).

So I get to play AGAIN in my old club colours. 

Hope my foot holds up okay this time.

How awesome would it be to go all the way to the Grand Final???

That would be kinda cool for our last year playing together in this club.

Apparently.

Well, I didn’t get that far up Ayers Rock.

But I did do the entire Rim Walk of Kings Canyon (just over 6km including plenty of steps to get up there - the hardest part was coming down the slope mind you).

And it would seem I do have a small chip out of my left ankle.

Nothing too serious (well, no more serious than the serious sprain we thought it was).

However, it does mean I’m unlikely to play anymore netball this season.

And it does explain the amount of pain I am still having.

Especially when hubby rolls over during the night and kicks or brushes my ankle with his foot.

So, rest and physio and sitting on the sidelines at netball is what my immediate future holds.

Bet there aren’t too many people who can say they climbed Ayers Rock with a broken foot!

Image via Wikipedia

If you look at the image above, I made it to the top of the rocky bits.  You can see where they finish about 3/4 of the way up the image on the left hand side.

It wasn’t hugely high in the scheme of the over all climb but not too bad an effort with a broken ankle, eh?

The results of turning my ankle during a netball game!

I had a really great game of netball yesterday.

Our team got the first goal and we stayed in front for the entire game.

A huge boost for us given we haven’t yet won a game this season.

And with a couple of people away this week, I was looking forward to getting a full game.

Last week I had a bit of a meltdown, feeling like I just wasn’t “good enough”.

I was ready to quit playing netball altogether.

But over the week I gave myself a good talking to.

I entered the game with a good mindset.

And this was reflected in how I was playing.

I was playing one of my better games.

And enjoying netball once again.

We were playing as a team and the score reflected that.

After 2 quarters in Centre, I went back into Wing Defence for a “break”.

There is one particular team mate that I enjoy playing Goal Defence when I am in Wing Defence.  We seem to tune into each other well and can really give the goalies curry.  She was playing Goal Defence for this quarter.

We made a great start to the quarter and managed to overturn a number of goals when it all fell apart.

Or fell down?

Someone stepped on my foot and I went over on my ankle with a crack.

By the time they got me off the court and pulled my shoe off to ice it, I had a huge bulge coming out of the side of my ankle.

The sight of it made both me and our coach a bit on the “woozie” side.

I’m not sure which pain was worse.  With the ice on and without the ice on.

We’re doing the whole

R - Rest

I - Ice

C- Compression

E- Elevation

at the moment.

The dr is hoping it’s only a bad sprain.

But if I can’t walk on it after 48 hours of the RICE treatment, I need to have it x-rayed just in case.

In the meantime, I’m hopping around, lying around and trying to sleep through the pain (that the painkillers are not really touching).

It’s been just over 24 hours now since it happened and the swelling is improving.

And I can put a tiny bit of pressure on it if I try (not without pain though - but less pain than yesterday).

On the plus side, I have 3 weeks until our next game of netball.

On the down side, we’re supposed to be going to Ayers Rock and Kings Canyon on holidays soon.  Not exactly a “lie around by the pool” kind of holiday.

So we’re just taking 1 day at a time at the moment.

I’m pretty bummed about missing out on the rest of the game though.

We interupt our regular “Melbourne” posts to bring you an update on todays netball (and football) season opener:

Today was a HUGE day for me with our netball/football season kicking off with a home game.

I woke up a bundle of nerves for many reasons.  First game for me.  First game as coach.  First game for Singstar Princess in a “scoring level” (beginner level don’t keep score or have finals).  First game for Lleyton as a “Senior Colt”.

Lots of firsts as you can see.

The day began with my F-Grade girls playing their first game of the season.  It amazes me how quickly I have become attached to these girls.  They’re great kids and I hope I can do them justice as their coach.

I am SO LOVING coaching.

But I was really nervous about how it would all go.

Whether or not something would crop up that I didn’t have an answer to.

Whether or not I would be confident enough to coach throughout the game.

Whether or not I would pick up enough to say to the girls in the breaks.

Well, it all went really well.

I was SO proud of the girls.

They had a great game.

And they listened really well to the instructions I called out to them throughout the game.

Singstar Princess played really well in her game too.

She was really unsure about whether she was ready to move up into this grade.

I think she’ll be alright.

As for my game….

I hurt my ankle in the first quarter.

We strapped it and then I went back on in the 2nd quarter.

And now it REALLY hurts!

But I think it’ll be alright.

Maybe in a day or so.

It is making me wonder if I’m getting too old to play netball???

Not that I’m planning to stop or anything!!!! 

So, the season has begun and I think it’s going to be a good one for all of us!!!

I’m taking yet another step in my netball journey this year.

I’m coaching our youngest grade.

I’m REALLY excited about it.

I had a wonderful coach for a year when I was a child.

A lady who treated everybody like they mattered.

She was tough but fair.

And it’s always stayed with me.

So, deep down, I’ve always had this longing to coach netball.

A dream that’s hard to realise when you don’t even play.

But, of course, now that I’m playing, it’s a dream I’m actually getting to fulfill.

To begin with, I didn’t tell anybody that I was coaching the F-Grade.

I was scared they’d find somebody “better” and I wouldn’t get to coach after all.

Just my personal insecurities playing out there.

After all, everybody has to start somewhere.

So, last night was my first training session.

And it was SO.  MUCH.  FUN!!!

And I had very little voice by the end of it!

I really hope the girls enjoyed it.

I’m guessing by the fact that they didn’t want it to end that they did.

And when it was time for senior training, I had my own little cheer squad calling out my name when I ran past.

SO CUTE!!!!