Lightening Online

Yesterday I mentioned I made shortbread for our children’s teachers as end of year/Christmas gifts.  It’s a bit of a tradition in this household that each year I make a large batch of shortbread to use for gifts and also as part of our Christmas yummies for ourselves (and whoever we’re sharing Christmas with).

It can actually be a bit of a trial some years finding a day that’s not too hot (we’re in summer here in Australia) in order to crank the oven up.  But it’s worth it.  What surprised me when I first started making these was how cheap they work out to make in comparison to how expensive shortbread is to buy.

 So, if you’re looking for a frugal gift for someone that’s sure to “wow”, considering making something like this.

LIGHTENING’S SHORTBREAD

250g butter (real butter not margarine)

125g castor sugar

300g plain flour

175g arrowroot

pinch salt

Allow butter to soften to room temperature.  Cream butter and sugar together (try not to eat too much of the yummy sweet buttery mixture).  Sift in arrowroot.  Add salt.  Slowly mix together and add enough plain flour for the mixture to form a firmish dough.  You may not need ALL of the flour and in some instances you may need a little more.  Flour can vary in how dry it is - older flours need more moisture.  Form into a ball and place in a covered bowl in the fridge (or wrap in plastic wrap).  Make sure you disguise your dough or your husband will keep pilfering bits of it until there is none left to cook!!!!

When mixture has become firm, roll out and cut into desired shapes with a cookie cutter.  I have a small star cookie cutter which is just perfect for these (I find a small cookie gives them a more decadent look).  The easiest way I find to roll out the dough is using a sheet of baking paper on top of the dough which prevents the roller from sticking to the dough (saves you having to shake flour all over the roller every 5 seconds too).

Bake slowly in a moderately slow oven (around 160C) for around 20 minutes or until the shortbread turns a pale golden colour.  While still warm, drop shapes into a bowl of castor sugar, turning so that they coat on all sides.  Cool on a rack.

Some more notes:

* arrowroot is a fine flour.  If you can’t get hold of this you could try substituting with an alternative fine flour.  I used half arrowroot and half cornflour yesterday (wanted a double batch and couldn’t find the rest of my arrowroot) and they taste no different to me.

* I usually make a double mix and use a single 500g packet of butter (that would be equivalent to a pound for those of you overseas).

* salt is the magic ingredient so DON’T leave it out. 

* if you don’t have time for all the rolling, cutting and dipping in castor sugar, you can make this mix up in one or two circle dishes, bake and then cut into wedges while still warm.

Conversions and explanations for those not in Australia:

* plain flour is simply flour with no raising agents in it (we have plain flour and self raising flour as our most common baking flours here)

* castor sugar is more finely ground than regular sugar (still granular - not a powder - but the granules are much smaller)

* 175g is approximately 6.2 ounces or 0.38 pounds

* 300g is approximately 10.5 ounces or 0.66 pounds

* 250g is 0.5 pounds (therefore doubling to use 500g is approximately 1 pound)

* 160C is 320F

Conversions were made using online conversion.

ENJOY!   (I need a smiley with a little santa hat on!)

Acknowledgement: This recipe was originally a Tonia Todman recipe that I’ve tweeked to make it how I like it.  I *think* I’ve made enough changes to the original that I can now claim it as my own.  Feel free to pass it around….. recipes are made for sharing!   Of course, a link back here is always appreciated.

I have been busy making shortbread today for my children to take to their teachers tomorrow as end of year/Christmas gifts.  Each teacher is also getting a gift card which says that a child in poverty will be provided with educational tools on their behalf.

DH and I have been discussing if we *should* do something for the kids bus drivers.  I find it hard knowing where to draw the line when it comes to giving gifts to those who provide a service.  After all, they are paid to do what they do.  On the other hand, I feel it is nice to show a small token of appreciation.

I guess I’m particularly keen to give a gift to teachers as having worked in a school, I’m aware of how much work it is.  It can be a very thankless task at times.  From there though, where do you draw the line?  I wouldn’t give a gift to a commercial bus driver but our children build up quite a relationship with their bus driver as they have the same one all year.  But then, what about other service personel?  Or the support staff at the school?  It’s one of those scenarios where it could go on and on and get out of hand.

Do you buy or make gifts for your child/rens teachers?  If so, what kind of things do you do?  Are there others in your life that you do the whole “gift” thing with or do you try and keep it simple?

I was thinking some more about the issue of helping others that we were discussing yesterday. One thing I wondered was whether there is another factor at play here besides our busy lives that prevents us from offering a word of encouragement or some help to others. Our own self worth.

If we perceive another person as “having it all together” or at least doing better than us, does that make us reluctant to encourage them? Do we assume that they don’t need any encouragement? Or do we assume that encouragement from little óle us wouldn’t be worth anything to them?

One thing I have been learning recently is that how I perceive things is not always how they are. I guess this should be rather obvious to me given that not everyone views me the same way that I view myself.

Which makes me pause for a moment and consider the fact that other people may be the same. Perhaps I perceive them as “having it all together” when in reality they’re just as unsure about themselves as I am. If I would really appreciate some encouragement, the occasional helping hand or note just to say “hey, just wanted to make you smile today”, perhaps others would as well.

Then of course there is the fear of rejection or humiliation. If the other person laughs at me or rejects my offer in some way, is that only going to confirm my initial assessment of myself? Can my fragile self esteem handle an adverse reaction of any kind?

I wonder then if I have done that to others. In my striving to appear to “have it all together”, have I pushed other people away (unintentionally of course)? There is a large amount of humility required to admit you need help and then accept help.

Do we sometimes deny people the opportunity to give? There is a great blessing in giving. Whether it be the gift of time, goods, services, a smile, encouragement…..and the list goes on. When we refuse to accept those tentative offers, are we denying that person the blessing that comes through giving?

I think I have a lot more questions than I have answers right now but this topic is certainly challenging me to think.

Does anyone else have anything else to add to the discussion on giving and receiving? It does seem appropriate at this time of year. What kinds of fears or other obstacles stand in the way of you either giving OR receiving?

There were some wonderful comments made in response to my post yesterday and I plan on answering them once this post is completed. I would however, like to highlight one particular comment for those of you who perhaps missed it.

Beth said:

We have had some similar struggles and have taken a long time to recover. Life as we knew it to be became scary and unpredictable. For us it was about 2 years for life to reflect ‘normal’. We have grown from this experience and look for joy consciously each day (we list 4 things each that were a source of pleasure for us). We also list 4 things each that we did to bring joy to someone else (a concept from ‘Eat Mangoes Naked’ by SARK). Our kids love this and it helps us to actively look for them. I actually make a practice to write mine down (they make me smile again later when I re-read my list).

You can read her 4 things in each category at the time of her comment by visiting the comments section of HELP. What greater gift can we really offer to one another than to make another person smile? I think by far it’s my favourite because it doesn’t cost anything, doesn’t *have* to take a lot of time and is VERY contagious.

What a wonderful thing they are teaching their children. To actively seek joy in each day AND actively promote joy in other peoples lives. I LOVE this suggestion. Thank you so much for sharing it Beth. I’m going to start this with my own children.

What are you going to do today to bring a smile to another persons face? Perhaps you’d like to add your suggestions to the comments section so we can all share our ideas.

I am REALLY bad at asking for help. It’s a pride thing, I know. But I wonder if it’s also a cultural thing. Once upon a time neighbours were more aware of people’s situations and therefore their struggles and would automatically lend a hand at times. These days it would seem that a combination of our busy lifestyles and our desire not to “interfere” has made that sense of community gradually disappear.

Isn’t it sad that our lives are so busy that we find it hard to fit in reaching out to another? Isn’t it sad that our desire for privacy and “individuality” has caused us to shut others out of our lives?

What about help within a family? DH and I have been talking about this lately. We’ve been trying to work out why his parents seem to want to help his sister and her family and yet seem reluctant to help us out - even when it seems really obvious to us that we’re in need of some help. At first I thought perhaps it was the son/daughter issue. BUT, he has 2 sisters and only one of them gets the attention and the help.

Is it that they’re not interested in helping us? Do they love her more than they love my DH and the other siblings? Does she appear more “needy” than the rest of us?

Sadly, DH and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to get help from his mother is to basically “tell her” this is what’s happening. Occasionally I have gotten to the point of actually asking her for help, only to have her turn me down. This was very perplexing to me as it takes me quite a lot to actually ask for help and when I ask, I’m really DESPERATE. Not that she would know that I guess.

DH has taken over the “asking” now and he basically says “we need you to have the kids…..”. And 99% of the time that works out well. I struggle a little because I feel like we’re being “demanding” and that we shouldn’t expect anything from her. We should wait until it’s offered. I guess we’ve waited for over a decade now…… It’s not that she doesn’t really want to help. It’s sort of a case of “the squeaky wheel gets the oil”.

I guess on reflecting on all of this I feel a great sadness. A sadness that we’ve all let our lives get so busy that we just don’t have the time to reach out to others when they’re in need. I know that before my breakdown I was as guilty of this as anyone. I also feel sad that many people feel they need to put on an act of “having it all together” and not opening up to others about how they’re really feeling. Again, I’m really bad at this myself.

So many people have commented at how shocked they were when I had my breakdown. Nobody could even imagine that I’d be struck by something like depression. Even my poor DH was rather shocked by the whole event. Me, well…..I knew something wasn’t right and that if things kept going the way they were I felt like I was going to collapse in a heap. To be honest, I did try to tell my DH about it. He thought he could “fix it”. He’s Mr “fixit” himself. He and I make for a bad mix when it comes to getting help because neither of us is very good at admitting when we need it.

I wanted to tell someone. For months I had it in my head that if an opportunity would come up, I would say something to one of my closest friends. Sadly, the opportunity never came up. Maybe I was supposed to *make* the opportunity. Maybe I was so used to putting on a “front” that I didn’t know how to let down my guard enough to show people the tank underneath had run completely dry.

When I saw a Psychiatrist for the first time in January of this year, he diagnosed me with having zero self esteem. Not “low” self esteem but “NO” self esteem. I remember sitting and talking with a friend about this (finally getting to the point of opening up and being more honest) and she was rather shocked. Her comment went something along the lines of thinking that no-one would EVER have picked that about me. Do people really see me so much differently to the way I see myself? Sometimes, I’d really like the opportunity to just sneak a peek at the way others see me. Curious minds want to know and all that.

It’s ironic that now I sit behind a keyboard and spill my guts in such a very public way. Not that the whole world reads my blog or anything. But they could if they wanted to…..

In 2006 I was out of circulation for many months. In that time I was sent 1 card. Just the one. If I had been in hospital, do you think I might have received more cards than that? Don’t get me wrong. We weren’t abandoned by our friends or anything like that. Many people from our church cooked meals and cakes for us. I did receive a few emails. And people were constantly asking my DH how I was going and sending their regards and love via him.

But just 1 person of all the people in my life took the time to actually sit down, write a card and send it. To be perfectly honest, that hurt me a little bit. I know my friends care. I know how busy they are. And it’s challenged me to consider how often in my life I’ve stopped and taken the time to write someone a card. Just a note to let them know I’m thinking of them. Nowhere near often enough.

I have been as guilty as anyone else of filling my life up to capacity and then some. Running from one thing to another. Constantly on the go. Constantly running so close to empty that there’s nothing left to give another person. The hearts desire might be there. But if I don’t act on it, how can that person ever know I was thinking of them?

I think we all need to take a step back and really examine our lives. Are we too busy to help someone in need? Are we too busy to bake a cake for our own family, let alone find the time to bake a cake for a neighbour or friend? Are we so busy trying to tread water ourselves that we don’t even notice those drowning around us? And if we do notice - are we in a position to help them without drowning ourselves?

This is a challenge I want to take on myself and I encourage any of you reading this to do so also. As we move into the busy, festive season and then in to a New Year. Do we really want to keep living this fast paced life where people don’t matter enough to us? Can we pause a moment and take a step back long enough to look around us and see how others are doing? Can we pop a little note or card in the post telling someone how much they mean to us?

What can we do today to make someone smile? What can we do to make their day just that little bit brighter?

Some of you may have noticed I’ve changed the title of this blog. I felt the old title was rather long and cumbersome. The definitions I’ve posted underneath are my own. They’re not who I AM but who I desire to be.

What can you do today to spread a little “lightening” in the world.

Ooh…2 posts from me today.

My beautiful 6 year old daughter has just written a song that I wanted to share.

MY LOVE SONG

I Love You
I Love You
Oh I do
I Love You Mum
I Love You Dad

I Love You
I Love You
Oh I do
I Love You Mum
I Love You Dad

I Love You
I Love You
Oh I do

Isn’t that beautiful? And she just sang it to me. Kids are so willing when it comes to giving and receiving aren’t they.

Last night my counsellor arrived bearing gifts. That took me by surprise. A lovely gift basket with some nice pampering type things in it. Some kind person had donated some money to her organisation for people on the land doing it tough at the moment. It was a lovely gift basket full of the kinds of things you perhaps wouldn’t buy when money is tight (shower gel, hand cream and all kinds of things). It felt like my birthday had come a week early. A complete stranger (well I’m making the assumption it’s a stranger) gave something of theirs (money) without any consideration of thanks or praise (anonymously) to someone they know nothing about (other than that they’re on the farm and farming hasn’t been real great these past few years). It’s kind of mind blowing really. At least to me it is.

It got me thinking about giving and receiving. I’m not very good at receiving at times. Often I feel undeserving for one reason or another. I wouldn’t want anyone else to miss out on my account. And yet in order to give people the blessing that comes from giving, someone has to receive. I’ve decided I need to work on being able to receive graciously.

Then comes the giving side of a coin. How amazing is it when we receive something that we don’t deserve - or something completely unexpected. It brings with it a really special feeling of warmth and caring. So this week I’m going to consider what I can do to give to someone else “just because”. Not necessarily anything big or expensive but something to let them know I’m thinking of them and want to bring a smile to their face. Will have to think some more on this one as to who and what.

Wouldn’t the world be a wonderful place if we all took the attitude of giving to one another out of love rather than out of obligation? And if we were more willing to accept things graciously (without the - what’s in this for them type suspicion we sometimes have).

I would love to begin each day with the thought - what can I do today to bring a smile to someone’s face?