Lightening Online

Tiff from Three Ring Circus has set up a little charity fundraiser for the hospital where she and her beautiful daughter Ivy have spent far too many nights.  She wants to raise money for things that there just isn’t any other funding for.  Like decent beds for parents who have to spend the night with their children in hospital.

As if staying in hospital with your child isn’t stressful enough?  Having an old run-down bed, or worse, NO BED at all, only adds to that stress.

Anyway, go read about it here.

Then go and donate here.

$5000 might sound like a lot to one person.  But all we have to do is find 5000 people to donate $1.  Or 1000 people to donate $5.  That’s not very many people in the internet world.

When you’ve donated, please blog about this so we can spread the word.

Bloggers Unite for a Cause!!!!

Cerebralmum has just announced the launch of her charity site The WinterWarm Project. I know many of my readers are avid knitters so please, if you’re interested in knowing more about this project and perhaps supporting it in some way, pop over and have a look.

For those of you who are not knitters, I’m sure they would be grateful for donations toward postage costs.

Please spread the word so that many hands can go toward helping these people.

Congratulations to Cerebralmum and her mother on a great initiative and the launch of their website.

My Sister-in-Law had a birthday recently. She’s a leap-year baby so it’s not very often that she gets to celebrate her birthday on it’s *actual* day.

We usually don’t *do* presents with our adult siblings. With Farmboys family we did for a number of years but me in my perfectionist ways allowed it to stress me out far too much. I was always wanting to find the perfect gift for each person. In the end, we were the ones to say we were pulling out of gift giving for adults. We weren’t in a position to keep buying things that may or may not have been useful or loved by the recipients and neither were the rest of his siblings. It was left that people could do token gifts or whatever they liked but that no-one should feel obligated.

In my family, well, my brothers never really got into gift giving much and I decided at one point it was best to stop giving them gifts as I didn’t want to make them feel guilty or obliged to return (one of my brothers is really good at piling guilt on himself). By this stage we’d started having children and it’s much more fun to focus on the kids when it comes to gifts.

Obligation is a funny thing when it comes to gift giving. We all say that no-one should feel obligated to reciprocate but mostly people do (feel obligated that is).

It has been interesting to lift this obligation and experience the joy that comes with a more spontaneous type of giving. I really wanted to send my sister in law a small gift this year. I didn’t feel obligated to spend a certain amount of get a certain value in a gift.

Instead, I was able to focus purely on the love behind saying “we’re really glad you were born. Happy Birthday”.

Here is what we sent her.

It wasn’t an expensive gift but it was made with lots of love. I hope that she was able to see it for what it was intended. An expression of our love for her. More time was put into these than it would have taken to earn the money for quite a large box of chocolates.

What do you value more? Something handmade with love or something costing a reasonable amount of money?

How do you handle birthdays in your extended family? Do you feel you have to buy out of a sense of obligation? Do you find it hard to continually come up with ideas for adult siblings birthday gifts?

I am speechless….. Okay, I’m not completely speechless because I’m talking to all of you. But I’m almost speechless.

A pretty pink box arrived in my mail today. I don’t think I’ve EVER received a pretty pink box in the mail before.

Have a look:

As you can imagine, it caused quite a lot of interest in the family, this pretty pink box. I had to go into the kitchen to slice through the tape with a knife. The kids crowded around.Here’s what we saw when we opened the box:

Naturally the first thing the kids saw were the lollipops. One said “wicked” (that’s good by the way - so they tell me ). Another said “awesome” and the third cried out “LOLLIPOPS” at the top of his voice.And lollipops there were. A HUGE pile of lollipops:

What caught mum’s eye though was the card. It matches my blog!!!! How special to receive a card so thoughtfully chosen. Underneath the card? Here’s what I found: My very FIRST stitchery kit. I’ve been looking at examples of what others have done (on blogs etc) and REALLY want to try this kind of stitching. So to receive a kit like this that explains HOW to do it is brilliant. It’s PERFECT!!!!But wait!!!! There’s MORE……

Anzac Slice!!!! Shhh….don’t tell anyone that I’ve already eaten 2 pieces!!!! That can be our little secret (although the two little gaps in the container are a bit of a giveaway… ). All packaged up in a perfect sized container that I can reuse. AND, the sender has been thoughtful enough to list the ingredients of the anzac slice in case we have anyone with allergies.Why am I speechless? Well, I don’t know how to adequately describe how I feel. Thank you, while appropriate, seems woefully inadequate. It’s just so special and so well thought out.

Well Marita, you sure made me smile today. In fact, I think this will make me smile for some time to come. Thank you so much!!!!!! I hope the blessing returns to you 100 fold!

(Oh, and for those who aren’t aware, this is my pay it forward gift. I feel totally spoilt and woefully undeserving!)

Thank you to the following people who commented on my “pay it forward” post. Here’s a little linky love for each of you as my personal thank you.

BabyAmore (Trish)

Jenn

Riayn

Tracy

Karen (miscmum)

Amy

Marita

Guera

Lisa (hoping I have the right Lisa )

I was tempted to make you all into winners but it occured to me that it might then become harder and harder to pass this forward (if we do too many people each time). So I used a random number generator to select 3 of you.

These people’s numbers came up:

1. Guera

2. Karen (miscmum)

3. Jenn

What do you do now?

1. Write your own “pay it forward” type post and link back to this post. That way people can trace their way backwards if they choose to. Once you’ve posted your post, I will change your names above to links to that post so people can find it.
2. I’m going to assume that all 3 of you are happy to have a post written about your blogs as your “pay it forward” gift. If not, please let me know either in the comments to this post OR via the “contact me” page in the header. I’m more than happy to send you a little surprise in the post if that’s what would make you smile.

A couple of notes:

* The pay it forward concept has kind of evolved as it has been passed around. Some have offered gifts, some have offered handmade gifts and then I’ve offered a post about your blog. I’m figuring you can offer your readers whatever you would like to offer (as long as it’s nice of course )

* I chose to make mine into a draw. You can just ask for the first 3 volunteers or have a draw or find your 3 people to pay it forward to in whatever manner you wish.

* Those who weren’t chosen this time, perhaps you’d like to visit the blogs of those who were and join in the fun there.

Thanks again for everyone who participated. My apologies that this post is running a day late. Have fun!!!!

It’s a great concept.  I LOVE it!!!  The idea is that if someone does something nice for you - instead of trying to return the favour, you look for ways to pass the blessing on to someone else.

One area of my life where I have done this consciously is working with youth.  I had some amazing youth leaders who helped me through a fairly tumultous time in my life.  They provided me with a safe environment in which to rebel and made me feel accepted in ways that I didn’t feel anywhere else in my life.  Some days I wonder just where I might have ended up had I not had that.  It was so important to me that I even wonder if I’d be here right now if it weren’t for those people.  So I guess it has been important to me to take opportunities to pass on that love and acceptance to other young people.

I’m sure many of you who read this blog have paid forwards blessings to others many many times in your lives.  One of the things I do love about it is the lack of tendency to look for anything in return.  Another aspect I like is the way you can receive a blessing from another and pass on that blessing down the track at a time that is right for you.

I could say many things about the benefits of this concept.  But really, I’m leading in to a blogging “pay it forward” that I’ve agreed to be a part of.  Thank you Marita for your patience with me in getting to this post.

Basically how this works is that I need to find 3 people who would like to “play” the pay it forward gift game.  I’m going to change the “gift” part a little though.  Since we’ve just had Christmas and are possibly a little “gifted” out (although who doesn’t like receiving a little something in the mail?), I wondered about the idea of my “gift” being a post about your blog.  Not a review - just a post about what your blog is about, some of my favourite posts etc.  I hope people like this as a “gift” idea.  I know I would.  You can have a choice of course.  I do enjoy sending gifts in the mail so the 3 people who end up doing this can have the choice of a physical gift in the mail OR a blogging gift by way of a nice post about your blog.

So, how do you join?  Leave a comment here saying that you’re interested in being involved.  I will then draw 3 random people from those who comment (I’m working on there being more than 3 comments so help me out here peoples….. ).

Once the 3 people are announced, they each need to write their own “pay it forward” post in order to “validate” their participation.   Oooh….it’s almost like a little mini bloggy competition.  Are you excited?  Cos I am!!!!

Is all that clear as mud?  Any questions, ask away……. In the meantime, leave a comment.  If you can’t think of anything to say just say “I’m in” and your name will be on the list!

Yesterday I mentioned I made shortbread for our children’s teachers as end of year/Christmas gifts.  It’s a bit of a tradition in this household that each year I make a large batch of shortbread to use for gifts and also as part of our Christmas yummies for ourselves (and whoever we’re sharing Christmas with).

It can actually be a bit of a trial some years finding a day that’s not too hot (we’re in summer here in Australia) in order to crank the oven up.  But it’s worth it.  What surprised me when I first started making these was how cheap they work out to make in comparison to how expensive shortbread is to buy.

 So, if you’re looking for a frugal gift for someone that’s sure to “wow”, considering making something like this.

LIGHTENING’S SHORTBREAD

250g butter (real butter not margarine)

125g castor sugar

300g plain flour

175g arrowroot

pinch salt

Allow butter to soften to room temperature.  Cream butter and sugar together (try not to eat too much of the yummy sweet buttery mixture).  Sift in arrowroot.  Add salt.  Slowly mix together and add enough plain flour for the mixture to form a firmish dough.  You may not need ALL of the flour and in some instances you may need a little more.  Flour can vary in how dry it is - older flours need more moisture.  Form into a ball and place in a covered bowl in the fridge (or wrap in plastic wrap).  Make sure you disguise your dough or your husband will keep pilfering bits of it until there is none left to cook!!!!

When mixture has become firm, roll out and cut into desired shapes with a cookie cutter.  I have a small star cookie cutter which is just perfect for these (I find a small cookie gives them a more decadent look).  The easiest way I find to roll out the dough is using a sheet of baking paper on top of the dough which prevents the roller from sticking to the dough (saves you having to shake flour all over the roller every 5 seconds too).

Bake slowly in a moderately slow oven (around 160C) for around 20 minutes or until the shortbread turns a pale golden colour.  While still warm, drop shapes into a bowl of castor sugar, turning so that they coat on all sides.  Cool on a rack.

Some more notes:

* arrowroot is a fine flour.  If you can’t get hold of this you could try substituting with an alternative fine flour.  I used half arrowroot and half cornflour yesterday (wanted a double batch and couldn’t find the rest of my arrowroot) and they taste no different to me.

* I usually make a double mix and use a single 500g packet of butter (that would be equivalent to a pound for those of you overseas).

* salt is the magic ingredient so DON’T leave it out. 

* if you don’t have time for all the rolling, cutting and dipping in castor sugar, you can make this mix up in one or two circle dishes, bake and then cut into wedges while still warm.

Conversions and explanations for those not in Australia:

* plain flour is simply flour with no raising agents in it (we have plain flour and self raising flour as our most common baking flours here)

* castor sugar is more finely ground than regular sugar (still granular - not a powder - but the granules are much smaller)

* 175g is approximately 6.2 ounces or 0.38 pounds

* 300g is approximately 10.5 ounces or 0.66 pounds

* 250g is 0.5 pounds (therefore doubling to use 500g is approximately 1 pound)

* 160C is 320F

Conversions were made using online conversion.

ENJOY!   (I need a smiley with a little santa hat on!)

Acknowledgement: This recipe was originally a Tonia Todman recipe that I’ve tweeked to make it how I like it.  I *think* I’ve made enough changes to the original that I can now claim it as my own.  Feel free to pass it around….. recipes are made for sharing!   Of course, a link back here is always appreciated.

I have been busy making shortbread today for my children to take to their teachers tomorrow as end of year/Christmas gifts.  Each teacher is also getting a gift card which says that a child in poverty will be provided with educational tools on their behalf.

DH and I have been discussing if we *should* do something for the kids bus drivers.  I find it hard knowing where to draw the line when it comes to giving gifts to those who provide a service.  After all, they are paid to do what they do.  On the other hand, I feel it is nice to show a small token of appreciation.

I guess I’m particularly keen to give a gift to teachers as having worked in a school, I’m aware of how much work it is.  It can be a very thankless task at times.  From there though, where do you draw the line?  I wouldn’t give a gift to a commercial bus driver but our children build up quite a relationship with their bus driver as they have the same one all year.  But then, what about other service personel?  Or the support staff at the school?  It’s one of those scenarios where it could go on and on and get out of hand.

Do you buy or make gifts for your child/rens teachers?  If so, what kind of things do you do?  Are there others in your life that you do the whole “gift” thing with or do you try and keep it simple?

I was thinking some more about the issue of helping others that we were discussing yesterday. One thing I wondered was whether there is another factor at play here besides our busy lives that prevents us from offering a word of encouragement or some help to others. Our own self worth.

If we perceive another person as “having it all together” or at least doing better than us, does that make us reluctant to encourage them? Do we assume that they don’t need any encouragement? Or do we assume that encouragement from little óle us wouldn’t be worth anything to them?

One thing I have been learning recently is that how I perceive things is not always how they are. I guess this should be rather obvious to me given that not everyone views me the same way that I view myself.

Which makes me pause for a moment and consider the fact that other people may be the same. Perhaps I perceive them as “having it all together” when in reality they’re just as unsure about themselves as I am. If I would really appreciate some encouragement, the occasional helping hand or note just to say “hey, just wanted to make you smile today”, perhaps others would as well.

Then of course there is the fear of rejection or humiliation. If the other person laughs at me or rejects my offer in some way, is that only going to confirm my initial assessment of myself? Can my fragile self esteem handle an adverse reaction of any kind?

I wonder then if I have done that to others. In my striving to appear to “have it all together”, have I pushed other people away (unintentionally of course)? There is a large amount of humility required to admit you need help and then accept help.

Do we sometimes deny people the opportunity to give? There is a great blessing in giving. Whether it be the gift of time, goods, services, a smile, encouragement…..and the list goes on. When we refuse to accept those tentative offers, are we denying that person the blessing that comes through giving?

I think I have a lot more questions than I have answers right now but this topic is certainly challenging me to think.

Does anyone else have anything else to add to the discussion on giving and receiving? It does seem appropriate at this time of year. What kinds of fears or other obstacles stand in the way of you either giving OR receiving?

There were some wonderful comments made in response to my post yesterday and I plan on answering them once this post is completed. I would however, like to highlight one particular comment for those of you who perhaps missed it.

Beth said:

We have had some similar struggles and have taken a long time to recover. Life as we knew it to be became scary and unpredictable. For us it was about 2 years for life to reflect ‘normal’. We have grown from this experience and look for joy consciously each day (we list 4 things each that were a source of pleasure for us). We also list 4 things each that we did to bring joy to someone else (a concept from ‘Eat Mangoes Naked’ by SARK). Our kids love this and it helps us to actively look for them. I actually make a practice to write mine down (they make me smile again later when I re-read my list).

You can read her 4 things in each category at the time of her comment by visiting the comments section of HELP. What greater gift can we really offer to one another than to make another person smile? I think by far it’s my favourite because it doesn’t cost anything, doesn’t *have* to take a lot of time and is VERY contagious.

What a wonderful thing they are teaching their children. To actively seek joy in each day AND actively promote joy in other peoples lives. I LOVE this suggestion. Thank you so much for sharing it Beth. I’m going to start this with my own children.

What are you going to do today to bring a smile to another persons face? Perhaps you’d like to add your suggestions to the comments section so we can all share our ideas.

I am REALLY bad at asking for help. It’s a pride thing, I know. But I wonder if it’s also a cultural thing. Once upon a time neighbours were more aware of people’s situations and therefore their struggles and would automatically lend a hand at times. These days it would seem that a combination of our busy lifestyles and our desire not to “interfere” has made that sense of community gradually disappear.

Isn’t it sad that our lives are so busy that we find it hard to fit in reaching out to another? Isn’t it sad that our desire for privacy and “individuality” has caused us to shut others out of our lives?

What about help within a family? DH and I have been talking about this lately. We’ve been trying to work out why his parents seem to want to help his sister and her family and yet seem reluctant to help us out - even when it seems really obvious to us that we’re in need of some help. At first I thought perhaps it was the son/daughter issue. BUT, he has 2 sisters and only one of them gets the attention and the help.

Is it that they’re not interested in helping us? Do they love her more than they love my DH and the other siblings? Does she appear more “needy” than the rest of us?

Sadly, DH and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to get help from his mother is to basically “tell her” this is what’s happening. Occasionally I have gotten to the point of actually asking her for help, only to have her turn me down. This was very perplexing to me as it takes me quite a lot to actually ask for help and when I ask, I’m really DESPERATE. Not that she would know that I guess.

DH has taken over the “asking” now and he basically says “we need you to have the kids…..”. And 99% of the time that works out well. I struggle a little because I feel like we’re being “demanding” and that we shouldn’t expect anything from her. We should wait until it’s offered. I guess we’ve waited for over a decade now…… It’s not that she doesn’t really want to help. It’s sort of a case of “the squeaky wheel gets the oil”.

I guess on reflecting on all of this I feel a great sadness. A sadness that we’ve all let our lives get so busy that we just don’t have the time to reach out to others when they’re in need. I know that before my breakdown I was as guilty of this as anyone. I also feel sad that many people feel they need to put on an act of “having it all together” and not opening up to others about how they’re really feeling. Again, I’m really bad at this myself.

So many people have commented at how shocked they were when I had my breakdown. Nobody could even imagine that I’d be struck by something like depression. Even my poor DH was rather shocked by the whole event. Me, well…..I knew something wasn’t right and that if things kept going the way they were I felt like I was going to collapse in a heap. To be honest, I did try to tell my DH about it. He thought he could “fix it”. He’s Mr “fixit” himself. He and I make for a bad mix when it comes to getting help because neither of us is very good at admitting when we need it.

I wanted to tell someone. For months I had it in my head that if an opportunity would come up, I would say something to one of my closest friends. Sadly, the opportunity never came up. Maybe I was supposed to *make* the opportunity. Maybe I was so used to putting on a “front” that I didn’t know how to let down my guard enough to show people the tank underneath had run completely dry.

When I saw a Psychiatrist for the first time in January of this year, he diagnosed me with having zero self esteem. Not “low” self esteem but “NO” self esteem. I remember sitting and talking with a friend about this (finally getting to the point of opening up and being more honest) and she was rather shocked. Her comment went something along the lines of thinking that no-one would EVER have picked that about me. Do people really see me so much differently to the way I see myself? Sometimes, I’d really like the opportunity to just sneak a peek at the way others see me. Curious minds want to know and all that.

It’s ironic that now I sit behind a keyboard and spill my guts in such a very public way. Not that the whole world reads my blog or anything. But they could if they wanted to…..

In 2006 I was out of circulation for many months. In that time I was sent 1 card. Just the one. If I had been in hospital, do you think I might have received more cards than that? Don’t get me wrong. We weren’t abandoned by our friends or anything like that. Many people from our church cooked meals and cakes for us. I did receive a few emails. And people were constantly asking my DH how I was going and sending their regards and love via him.

But just 1 person of all the people in my life took the time to actually sit down, write a card and send it. To be perfectly honest, that hurt me a little bit. I know my friends care. I know how busy they are. And it’s challenged me to consider how often in my life I’ve stopped and taken the time to write someone a card. Just a note to let them know I’m thinking of them. Nowhere near often enough.

I have been as guilty as anyone else of filling my life up to capacity and then some. Running from one thing to another. Constantly on the go. Constantly running so close to empty that there’s nothing left to give another person. The hearts desire might be there. But if I don’t act on it, how can that person ever know I was thinking of them?

I think we all need to take a step back and really examine our lives. Are we too busy to help someone in need? Are we too busy to bake a cake for our own family, let alone find the time to bake a cake for a neighbour or friend? Are we so busy trying to tread water ourselves that we don’t even notice those drowning around us? And if we do notice - are we in a position to help them without drowning ourselves?

This is a challenge I want to take on myself and I encourage any of you reading this to do so also. As we move into the busy, festive season and then in to a New Year. Do we really want to keep living this fast paced life where people don’t matter enough to us? Can we pause a moment and take a step back long enough to look around us and see how others are doing? Can we pop a little note or card in the post telling someone how much they mean to us?

What can we do today to make someone smile? What can we do to make their day just that little bit brighter?

Some of you may have noticed I’ve changed the title of this blog. I felt the old title was rather long and cumbersome. The definitions I’ve posted underneath are my own. They’re not who I AM but who I desire to be.

What can you do today to spread a little “lightening” in the world.