Mental Health Nurse
We have come to a new phase in my mental health treatment.
Heading away from the path that says “a few years of drugs and this may all go away” to “this looks like it’s going to be a lifetime thing and you’re going to have to learn to live with it”.
Not a path I EVER wanted to take.
While we always knew there was a chance, we HOPED for the best.
As you do.
When I first had a breakdown, my GP warned me there was a chance I’d pushed myself so hard that a part of my brain would be burnt out.
Irreparable.
You think you’re doing the right thing, struggling on, hoping things will get better.
I didn’t truly understand.
I didn’t ask for help early enough. 
I didn’t know.
Now I have to face the truth.
I’m brain damaged.
It sounds bad.
But it’s not the end of the world really.
I hope.
My Psychiatrist has referred me to a Mental Health Team.
This involves regular visits with a Mental Health Nurse whose job is to “teach me how to live with and manage my depression”.
*sigh*
I’m not good with new people.
I never have been but these days, I’m even worse.
So Farmboy came with me to my first visit.
She’s a lovely lady although she does talk a bit. I’m trying to fill in forms and she’s chattering away. Hard to concentrate when you’re brain isn’t fully functioning anyway.
And it does seem to be helping.
The things she’s telling me and suggesting seem to be sinking in. And working.
Then last week, on our 3rd visit, she brings a STUDENT.
No warning (or I wouldn’t have turned up). She asked me IN FRONT of said student if I was okay with that.
What was I supposed to say? NO!
Said student didn’t sit there observing the session. She RAN the session.
I wanted to RUN FROM the session.
Instead, I went into my “protective” mode. Deflecting away from myself and telling myself I just had to get through an hour.
I did get through the hour.
But it cost me.
It cost me a LOT.
I was exhausted and in pain by the time I got home.
I feel somewhat cheated and betrayed by this nurse.
We had only just begun to form a trust bond and now it’s broken.
I’m supposed to ring her today.
Part of my “therapy” is to face things I avoid. Like making phone calls.
I don’t want to.
Then again, I want to ask her if she’ll be alone this week.
But at the same time, I don’t want to talk about it.
I just want to run away.
What was she thinking?
Does she not get me at all?
I don’t know what to do….
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I think you need to be honest to yourself and the nurse and tell her exactly what you told us…. cos that is how you feel and your feelings are valid..
oh wow. I hate it when that kind of thing (students) get sprung on you without warning. I think its very unprofessional, especially if you are seeing someone with anxieties about new people/situations to not give them warning and put them on the spot like that.
I hope you do get in contact with her and tell her how you feel hon. xxx
HUGS - you’re right to feel betrayed. I hope you find the courage to tell her.
ALL of what you feel is OK. And normal. And totally understandable.
I’ve had ’students’ in some of my sessions (psychiatric) and also years earlier when I was pregnant because a brain tumour I had (yep, that of course has depression as as a symptom) meant that I was supposed to be unable to have children as it grew on my endocrine gland. I had to laugh when a dozen students turned up for one of my internal examinations as I lay there with my legs in the air!
If it’s any consolation, the student needs to participate and learn and they also want to help. There’s no point in bottling things up - let it all out for the nurse and the student to hear, see and help with. You might be surprised at the insights that two people instead of one can offer. My thoughts are with you.
Hugs to you.
Call the nurse and tell her your feelings about the student and together you can work through this.
xx
My brother has cerebral palsy, and at his 21st, one of the people making a speech said, “If you think HE is disabled, then YOU are the one with the disability”. My mum was told when he was born that ‘he is never going to be able to…’. She NEVER believed it, she never accepted it as a possibility. My brother is now a Computer Software Engineer working for the government- he clearly does not see himself as having a disability. I encourage you to view your depression in the same light… You are NOT brain damaged; DO NOT let this health issue determine your life.
I am sorry to hear that. It truly wasn’t fair to blindside you like that.
I am sorry you are having such a rough time and this happened on top of it all.
PS - I wanted to let you know you are a winner
, hope it brings a smile to your day.
That is so unfair
I’m sorry 
love you sweetie.
I TOTALLY understand.
x
I would actually be letting the person above her know what happened to start with and letting them know that you felt you were put in a very uncomfortable position without any prior knowledge and that you do not want that happening again. I would then contact her either by phone, email letter and explain again that you were not happy and that she has broken the trust that was developing….she does need to know how you feel….and from my point of view I actually find that totally unacceptable
Hi there,
I just found your blog through one of those click+click+click things that we all do (and sometimes end up wondering “how on earth did I get here?!”) but I just wanted to say thanks for your comments about the student. I’m a lawyer and I often have junior solicitors and students that come into meetings with me and I confess that I often ask my client’s permission then and there with the student in front of them. Having read your post I won’t be doing that again. Ever. Thank you and best wishes for your on going healing process.