When Is It Time To Let Go Of Your Dreams?
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know a little about the background to me taking up netball again.
In a nutshell, I played for a couple of years as a kid, had a coach for 1 of those years who really made me feel like I was a SOMEBODY rather than a NOBODY.
And for years grieved the fact that our moving to the city meant I never got to play again.
Until a couple of years ago when I happened to go out to netball training for fitness and reignited the love of netball I’d stuffed away since childhood.
And I was incredibly blessed to be in a club that embraced me and encouraged me to give it a go (even though I’m not very good) and a coach who is a good friend who walked me through the process and frustration of trying to relearn netball as an adult.
The first year I didn’t play all that much. It was a big team with lots of rotating. When it came to finals, I was happy to just play 1 quarter and feel part of it.
The second year I was considered a full “part of the team” and rotated accordingly. We were away for the finals so I don’t know what the coach would have done there.
The third year I had a coach who was VERY fair. She kept track of who had played how much and made sure everyone got their fair share of full games. She rewarded people for putting in the effort (coming to training). I think she got the best netball out of me possible because I had confidence (well, more than usual anyway) that I was a valuable member of the team. I even got selected by the opposing team TWICE as best player for our team. We might not have made it to the Grand Final but it was a great year of netball. So much fun. So much team spirit. It’s a year I’ll always cherish.
This year has been tough. To begin with, our coach (same as last year) ended up being pulled up to B Grade. They play at the same time as us so she could no longer be our coach. I’m happy for her. She deserved it. But sad for me because the year has been really tough.
We had a few games where different people coached us and it was pretty messy. Then the new coach took over. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely person and I really like her. Which I guess makes this season all the harder. From the start she seemed to favour the better players. I know that happens in sport but I play in the lowest adult grade and I just feel like we need to be encouraging people like myself who aren’t naturally good at sport to be able to give it a go even if they’re not successful. Wouldn’t it be great if as a country we could get everyone playing and enjoying their sport?
I’ve nearly given up a few times in the year. When you go home from a game in tears you have to wonder if it’s all worth it. That’s happened to me several times this year.
I somehow managed to get my head into gear and relax and enjoy my game. I was playing my best game ever when I injured myself. That’s not my coaches fault. Who knows whether things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t done my injury?
Now, I’m trying to get back into netball post injury. And it’s hard. And I’m wondering if I should have even tried? Maybe I should have been content to just sit out the season.
Yesterday, I blew up at my coach. Totally inappropriately (even if I was justified in being mad at her). I generally don’t blow up easily. I’ve obviously let stuff stew from earlier in the year.
And now, I just want to hide away forever.
My team has made it into the Grand Final and my confidence is completely blown.
I want to play with them in the Grand Final but I don’t know if I can.
I just feel like I’ve been treated like a “lesser member of the team” all year and I don’t know if I can give them my best anymore.
I don’t even know if I *should* try.
I don’t want to blow their chances.
But I DO want to feel a part of the team.
I want to feel a PART of the win.
And I don’t know if that’s even possible anymore.
Maybe it’s time to let go of this particular dream?
I don’t know which hurts more.
Continuing to put myself out there each week and generally feeling inadequate and like an idiot for trying.
Or giving up and not being able to play anymore. 
Similar Posts:
- I <3 My Netball Coach
- Mid-week Netball Carnival
- Winners Are Grinners!!!!
- Netball
- Netball Grand Final
7 comments:
Write a comment:
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate each and every one of them. If this is the first comment you have left, your comment will be held in moderation for approval so you may not see it immediately. Once your first comment is approved, all future comments should appear immediately. You can choose to receive any further comments by email. Simply tick Notify me of followup comments via e-mail.
First thing you need to ring up your coach and make a time to talk to her face to face - right away as the longer it gets left the harder it is - you need to apologise and ask her what she wants to do…..unfortunately unless you play social netball the idea behind the club is to win grandfinals so they are usually instructed to put the best players on the court and if your injury is restricting you that can have some bearing on this….not on what you would be capable of doing if you were 100% - You also need to think about what would happen to your daily activities if you were to reinjure yourself…work out the positives for yourself and your self esteem against doing some more damage to your ankle. But please pick up the phone and ring your coach and ask to speak to her face to face straight away….I don’t know how far you have to drive but it sounds like you really need to do it and it needs to happen before training….people yelling and screaming happens a lot at netball and other sports unfortunately but it is unforgivable unless there is a total and utter meant apology given (if this was done in front of the team then after you have spoken to your coach you probably need to apologise to the rest of the team at training…..it doesn’t need to be a big long speech, it just needs to be a simple i got really upset and stressed with myself didn’t know what to say or do and unfortunately the coach wore the blame) I hope I’m not being one sided in saying this as I have seen my daughter absolutely screamed at by a team member last season and there was no apology given and I saw how long it took her to get her confidence back…..I also know that my other daughter watched one of her team members go balistic at the end of a game and she was terrified to even open her mouth and didn’t even want to go to training in case she wore it the next time. Oh I will mention this is senior netball not juniors….And from what you have said with feeling inadequate…..how come you got best player sometimes? how come you keep getting put back on the court to play? Do you think this feeling might be coming from some other issues that need to be dealt with and not necessarily just soley about the netball??? Is it something you need to address in your life???
If I could do it without crying Kat, I’d do it in a second. I’m such a baby!
I should also point out that when I say “blow up”, I didn’t actually yell at her. I just made a comment that I wasn’t happy with the decision and then burst into tears.
Don’t give up on your dream just yet. You are part of that team & so you should be at the Grand Final. I agree with Katrina about apologising to the coach - can just be an apology up getting upset. I believe it will make a huge difference to how you are feeling about yourself as well.
Knowing when to let go of a dream is easy enough, but actually letting go is a whole new ballgame. Sometimes we just keep on hoping that things will turn out the way we wanted, even when we know we should have given up long ago. (I’m talking about me here, not you). I gave up my dream when I realised it was no longer feasible; when I realised that even if the chance came I was no longer able to do it justice. I’m happy with my decision.
My point is: if you give up on your dream, but find you are not happy and constantly thinking “what if…” then clearly the time wasn’t right for giving up.
You need to consider your knee injury as well. If it’s going to be a problem every season, it may be time to give up playing and think about being associated with the club/team in another way. Be a coach? Volunteer to wash the uniforms? Make the after game snacks?
You are perfectly normal… whats better?letting off steam or sweeping it under the carpet? Sometimes one just needs to let off steam… sometimes we just dont get to plan who cops it … its life.. but I would also ask you to consider apologising before too long. Think you will feel better and it will clear the air.
You have been so courageous by joining a team in recent times.. I plain gave up after breaking my arm a few decades ago because I listened to my negative thoughts and they won out….. never tried again and deem myself unable to do any sport all because i never gave myself a second chance..
So i think you are wise rethinking.. but challenge your motives first…. why not see out the season and then have a break and see how you go… perhaps a change of scenery could be good for you .. a new challenge…. and try and remember all the postives you have gained from playing in the last seasons… confidence boosts, friends, socialising etc etc….. I like rivers ideas of other ways you could help out the teams too…. but leave it all up to you …
If in doubt then dont can be a good motto too…. that way you generally dont regret things..
May your decision making not cause sleepless nights!!
So am wondering if you have made any decisions ?