Modern Parents Need to Grow Some Balls!
There’s no doubt about it.
Parenting is a tough gig!
You show me someone who thinks it isn’t and I’ll show you someone living in la-la land.
Bringing up children to be well-adjusting, happy young adults is a tough ask.
Navigating the emotional turmoil of life, relationships, homework and education…. the list is never ending.
BUT, at the end of the day, our job as parents is NOT to be a child’s friend.
I’m not advocating a lack of mutual trust and constant bickering.
But at the end of the day, there are times when a parent needs to be the unpopular one. Needs to say NO!
NO, you can’t have a facebook account before you turn 13. I want to teach you to respect other peoples guidelines and NOT to become someone who will forge/lie their way to getting what they want. I want to protect you from the possible dangers facebook can present (and we’re kidding ourselves if we don’t concede that facebook comes with it’s risks - at any age).
NO, you can’t watch M-rated shows at 13. I don’t care if your whole class is watching them, they contain scenes you’re not ready to see (maybe not ever in some shows/movies).
NO, you can’t roam the streets with your mates. No matter how good your kid is - get them in a “pack” and stuff starts happening.
NO, you can’t go to a party at a person’s house I don’t know. Maybe it’s not YOU I don’t trust!
I could go on and on with this list. None of the items are stand alone. Some are “age appropriate” issues. Do we really need to allow our children to “grow up” so young?
My point is that when we say “yes” when we really should say “no”, we do a disservice not only to our children, but to parents all around us.
Parenting is a tough enough gig as it is, us parents need to stick together!
Disclaimer: I in not way think I’m getting it “all right” when it comes to parenting. I don’t even always say “no” to my children when I probably should stand firm. But I AM getting so frustrated at feeling like I’m the “only one” making a stand at times (although I know I’m not really).
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I hate hearing ‘but such and such is allowed to, why can’t I?’ You’re not the only one being tough. And you’re right in not being your child’s friend but giving them some boundaries.
child: “but EVERYBODY IS..(whatever)
parent: “so do you really want to be just another copycat? Or would you like to stand alone as a trendsetter?”
A friend of mine uses this approach with surprising results. Although many times there is a long discussion on just who “everybody” is and what exactly they’re doing and why. With even longer discussions on why not to do it.
Oh there’s no way I’m my children’s best friend, in fact they frequently tell me that they hate me and I’ve ruined their life……the woman down the road from me is her kids best friends as well as all their mates, she does this by letting all the kids in the neighbourhood and surrounds come around to their place and drink alcohol and smoke and party whenever they want to, she takes them on 100km round trip drives for Mc D’s and everyone just loves her to bits and thinks she is so wonderful and trendy….mind you both her older kids are dead head waste of space who will struggle to get anywhere in life but at least they are happy…..guess I have to be happy with knowing that my kids will actually manage to achieve something in life even if they never ever realise that it’s been to do with things I’ve stood my ground on….and i can guarantee they will never ever thank me for what i gave up and did for them (okay before I go on any further I think I need to go and climb back into my hole and wait for the washing machine to finish)
Great post Jodi. I have to confess my girls (under 13) both have facebook account but it came with VERY strict rules - any breaking of which would result in immediate loss of facebook. We frequently check their accounts to see what they’re up to :-).
You are right parents need to be parents. They have their own friends and it doesn’t mean you can’t have a very special relationship with your kids.
We definitely evaluate M rated movies and no way would I take her see one at the movie - oh, I lied, with did take DD12 to see Harry Potter - but only because I knew exactly what was in it. I don’t get how parents don’t see that movies are given a rating for a reason!!
We have been the worlds strictest parents for a number of years and we certainly arent too popular with some other parents. It would be easier to give in sometimes but its for our kids benefit not ours!!! they just dont get it and probably wont till they are parents themselves…. dare i think that far.
If i was a dart board I would have plenty of darts stuck in me, all over and they would be falling off by now.. but who cares? I love my boys and want to encourage them to have healthy boundaries. one day they may thank me, or they may not but at least we have followed our conscience!!
It seems your blog is read by the rare parents who don’t listen to the complaint ‘but everyone else can…’
The reward comes when they are older and say ‘Mum, i’m glad you didn’t let us…’
Yeah, agreed. Good post.
I tell Lukas that some kids aren’t allowed to do things that he IS allowed to do so how would he like it if we changed that rule around too? 
It usually gives him a bit of perspective, haha.