Kids and Facebook
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I’m one of those mean parents that haven’t let my children start up Facebook accounts while they are “under-age”.
I know a lot of children under 13 have their own Facebook accounts. Every parent has to make up their own mind about where their ethics sit in regard to situations like this. My opinion is that if I want my child to show integrity in the bigger things, it’s important to demonstrate that in the smaller things.
You can argue that it doesn’t really matter (and maybe it really doesn’t) but technically you have to break the T&C in order to set up an account for a child under 13. You actually have to lie about their birthdate.
Anyway, I’m not trying to condemn anybody who makes a different decision in their parenting to me. I’m simply trying to explain the “why” of my own decision making process. It’s not been an easy decision to maintain with so many of Lleyton’s peers having had accounts of years now.
Well, last week Lleyton turned 13 (yep, I’m now a parent of a teenager!!!!) so last night we set him up his own facebook account.
I have to admit that I still did so with some trepidation.
Simply because I’ve seen the way some kids treat each other on Facebook.
It’s not always a nice environment to be involved in.
Plus we have kids here who have gotten in trouble with the law over things that have been posted on Facebook.
It’s yet another minefield for our children to navigate as they navigate through adolescence.
Now, call me neurotic if you will, but I decided it might be a good idea to be as up front with Lleyton as possible when it comes to his Facebook account. So, we came up with this Facebook Agreement which we asked him to sign as a condition of allowing him to have his own Facebook account:
FACEBOOK AGREEMENT
I understand that I am allowed to have a facebook account under the following conditions:
1. I will not friend anybody not already known to me.
2. I will not friend anybody more than 2 year levels above or below me without checking with mum & dad first.
3. I understand that facebook is a public forum and will not share any personal details or say anything I wouldn’t be willing to say to a persons face.
4. I will not post anything on my wall or anyone else’s that might be seen as cyberbullying. This includes saying anything negative or put-down about other people who may or may not be on facebook.
5. I will not share photographs containing other people without their permission.
6. If I see anything that looks like cyberbullying or makes me uncomfortable, I will show mum or dad as soon as possible.
7. I understand that mum will keep my facebook password and will access my facebook page from time to time to keep an eye on things. I will not change my password without letting mum know. I understand that this is not to invade my privacy but to help keep me safe as facebook can make me vulnerable to cyberbullying and/or stalking.
8. I understand that having a facebook account does not give me the right to use the internet whenever I like and will only do so with permission.
9. I understand that having a facebook account is a privilege and if I fail to keep to these guidelines or access my facebook account during school hours (which is contrary to school policy) my account will be cancelled.
It may well be overkill but I want to do my best to prevent any issues rather than have to try and deal with the aftermath.
What are your thoughts? Do your kids use Facebook? Have you had any problems? Any advice for a “first time facebook mum”?
I
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I reckon it’s a bloody good idea. You’re educating your kid, a valuable thing to do.
The contract looks great. What was L’s reaction to it? Did he think it was overkill or was he happy about it?
He seemed to think it was quite reasonable. We could have done it verbally but putting it in writing will hopefully help him to remember. He’s just stoked he’s finally allowed to have a facebook account. And looks like he’s going to make contact with a mate who moved away a couple of years ago so that’s nice.
Good for you! I went to a seminar last year with Michael Carr Gregg who recommended that if you let your children/teenagers on facebook then insist that you are one of their friends. That way they will always think before posting and you will keep up with them. I have done this and also admit that it has more than one advantage. My grunting teenager actually talks to me on Facebook! Go figure!
Well done. It’s the only way to go with all this stuff. Open, honest and making sure they have full awareness of the risks and dangers while still letting them use it. I’ve seen many parents go to the other extreme and forbid their kids from getting on facebook or even just time on the computer primarily from their own fear and ignorance. That just causes the kids to hide what they are doing. Putting it in writing is just fantastic. Again, well done.
They’re great T&C’s! And a teenager!!!
Just one word of warning - I have heard of friends children who have ‘dual accounts’ - one with all their friends + Mum and Dad, and another one just for their friends.
Always makes me nervous!!! Mine are young enough I don’t have to worry (yet - hell, I worry about the ABC for kids websites!!), but not looking forward to it.
GREAT IDEA!!!
10 years ago when my youngest was little tacker, there were was an msn profile chat ,something like that. I allowed him to set up a private profile where he could talk to friends from the town we’d moved away from . it worked well. It also helped with his reading and spelling. he was slow at both and hated reading, typing with help into this and talking to his nan and cousins on chat boxes helped reading and spelling to click with him as he was practicing without it being “homework”
I would add “no naming of teachers in any comment or status update - even in a positive way” (as others then might comment negatively about said teacher). I need to get my DD16 to remove a comment from her fb…
The only other thing I would add…. is to have limits on his time on it. Facebook is great for keeping in touch and a bit of fun out of school, but it also means that kids are not getting down time and space away from each other that allows them to decompress and not get as caught up in schoolyard dramas.
Both my girls have fb accounts. DD9 doesn’t do anything besides play games but dd11 has had fun developing friendships with her new high school friends. She has been lectured on being careful and reminded that anything she posts on FB is there FOREVER. She is also only allowed to be friends with people she has met in real life. Her computer is in the main part of the house so at any time we can see what she is doing. I guess we just have to trust our children and teach them about this new world that they are growing up in. And we need to be prepared to change the rules as we see fit :-).
Our school has a rule that you do not mention a person online by more than their first name. This is hard with the facebook ‘tag’ feature which links to a persons full name and profile.
We set up an account for Annie to play farmville when she wanted to but she has now stopped playing so the account hasn’t been used. I just didn’t want her accessing my profile and status by playing under my account.
Oooh, you really shouldn’t get me started.
As a condition of my employment, I am subject to a “code of conduct” as a teacher.
One of the sections states:
2.2.2 (b) Interactions with Students
* You must not use internet social networks such as Face Book, My Space or YouTube to contact or access present students enrolled in any school or institute.
After seeking clarification with principals, the union and anyone I came across, I was able to discern the following:
I am not allowed to have the children of my friends as friends on facebook.
I am not allowed to have the friends of my children as friends on facebook.
I am not allowed to have any family members as friends on facebook.
I am not allowed to have MY OWN CHILDREN as friends on facebook.
That’s right. I cannot be a responsible parent and keep an eye on my children’s activities with their friends on facebook because it would be a breach of my employment with the STATE.
As a result, I can’t see my children EVER being allowed to have an account. And if they do, there’s no way I could know about it. AS A CONDITION OF MY EMPLOYMENT.
PS This is not my real name, but Jodi will know who it is by the email.