Lightening Online

10 comments:

1. river, 28. July 2010, 18:58
   

   Stop following the crowd and say NO a few times. Focus on the activities your kids do and enjoy best, then say no to the rest. if they’re doing things that are no longer fun, let them drop those activities in favour of something new, but don’t just add a new thing to all the rest. Let the kids in on this decision making and don’t forget to mention that all these activities do cost money. But don’t make the money the focus of the discussion. Emphasise the number of activities, the amount of time available, the very necessary downtime/me time/ day off that everyone needs.
   Being busy 24/7 is a fault of today’s society; people become so worn out with constant work/fun/etc, there’s not enough relaxing and just enjoying being alive time.
   When you need to make a diary appointment to hug someone (an exaggeration, but you get the idea), then clearly you need to power down.

    
2. amgrantham81, 29. July 2010, 10:28
   

   I have been having the same issue. Not so much with my kids yet, although some weeks it is them. But I have had to cut back. I got asked if I was coming back to bible study the other day. To which I did manage a No. Although I felt I had to explain myself to the person that asked. We don’t have any scheduled activity on a Thursday. But I only have Thurday and Mondays with nothing scheduled. The lady looked at me as though I was nuts wanting two days a week unscheduled. Invariably though something ends up on those days. I rarely manage to have both of them just at home.
   Back in our Grandmothers day it would have been the opposite, she would have maybe had two days scheduled out of the house. Church on Sunday and a shopping day. Possibly also a playgroup, although they weren’t as common then.

   I seem to have finally found a balance that is working for me. I could do with a smidge extra adult socialisation time, but my bible study group is not where I will find that (long story). So for now I will just be happy with where I am, might look for a craft group or something to fill that missing whole for myself. But I will maintain the balance.

   No idea how I will go as the kids get bigger and want to add in activities themselves. Hopefully they will choose the same activity for me. I see myself in 10 yrs running around in many circles trying to get 4 almost all highschool kids 4 differnt places all at once.

   Hmm, not a nice thought, think for now I will just keep chasing my toddlers around, at least its only around the house.

    
3. Lynette, 29. July 2010, 12:05
   

   Just remember that we are all different and cope with different levels of stress.. we dont have to be the same as everyone else and you know I have had people say how they admire my ability to say no…. its not something we are taught by many…. and its jolly hard to do.. !
   Looking back i first burntout in year 12 at 17 years of age and have nearly done the same several times since, mostly when i became unsure of myself and wandered away from my passions….. forgetting to look after myself and my loved ones in aim of looking good or having it altogether when in fact i was lying to myself and others…. !!
   The best shakeup i had was when i sat down with pen adn paper and wrote out a whole 2 weeks worth of usual happenings, eg church , cleaning, shopping, work etc… and i couldnt even find a few free hours….! Having someone else go through it with me gave me a huge wakeup call… and i decided that if I wanted to live past 35 i had to change something.. and be happy with it no matter what anyone else thought.

   Its also amazing how much we pass onto our kids and hubby without realising it…… do we really want them to end up like us.. worn out and no good for anything or anyone else?

   That old phrase keeps coming back to me Jodi.. “come apart before you come apart” !!
   Harder to do but pleasantly rewarded when done..

   Hugs to you ..

   L

    
4. Queen of the Click, 29. July 2010, 17:25
   

   Years from now, your children will thank you for slowing down life and letting them just be kids.

   You don’t have to do everything and neither do they. Kids can have fun and entertain themselves…..so take the time to bring it back to you, your home and what you want.

    
5. Lynette, 29. July 2010, 18:48
   

   Sorry if i sounded egotistic in the above comment.. dont you dare think i have it altogether.. just learning along lifes way…. i only learn by mistakes…. and even then i keep making mistakes.. !!

   Hope you are okay there.

    
6. jeanie, 30. July 2010, 15:11
   

   I have found that it is not just the “No” - it is the time taken before you say “yes” that can help in reducing stress levels.

   Best luck.

    
7. Lynette, 30. July 2010, 17:12
   

   Yes that too Jeanie…… the time you need to give yourself to ponder the decision….. sometime we even have to say we will reply later to someones question… instead of quickly answering then regretting our answer… hard to do though…. a conscious effort is needed..

    
8. Kelli, 30. July 2010, 19:36
   

   You do need to see no Jodi - it is a lesson I have also learnt the hard way. And I am working so hard at saying no this year. So keep working on it & you may find the kids enjoy some down time too - my are suddenly learning how much they love just being home.

    
9. sharon, 1. August 2010, 15:28
   

   I’m hearing you Jodi!

   I think this will be the last term of singing lessons for Steph. We were going to go until the end of the year but that last term is a killer.

   I’m sitting here at home because I’ve reached a point of just needing to be home. And it feels good. Mostly. With a dash of guilt.

    
10. admin, 4. August 2010, 8:53
    

    River - I actually did it! Said no to something. It wasn’t easy though. I find the “one off’s” are the things that are getting us at the moment. So many of them. The regular activities seem to be easier to regulate.

    Amy - I don’t know how you do all that you do do to be honest!

    Lynette - I think you and I have walked a similar path in life.

    Queen of the Click - I hope so! My biggest fear is that they’ll look back on their life and remember the things mum “didn’t” let them do rather than all the stuff I “did” let them do.

    Jeanie - Good point!

    Kelli - it’s actually kind of empowering once you start isn’t it?

    Sharon - So maybe I shouldn’t be considering activities in Whyalla for my kids then????

     

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