Dealing With Disappointment
It would have to be one of the hardest parts of parenting.
Teaching your children how to deal with disappointment.
Dealing with their disappointment yourself.
Naturally, we want our children to be happy. There’s a natural instinct to want to protect them from hurt and disappointment.
The problem is, life isn’t fair.
Life disappoints.
Life hurts.
And protecting our children from experiencing such things means they’re not going into adulthood fully prepared to deal with life.
I know all that.
But it’s still hard.
It still sucks.
Lleyton tried out for our local sapsasa football team today.
He didn’t make it.
Naturally, he’s disappointed.
But the hardest thing about the selection process is that it’s so subjective.
Boys who weren’t playing the game well were selected because they stood out (were away from their “man” all the time).
Boys who did play the game well stuck to their opponents and the ball didn’t go near them.
Boys who had the “right” surnames were looked at more closely.
Boys with unknown surnames were overlooked.
Boys were chosen for height over ability.
Decisions were made that didn’t match up with the “ethos” of sapsasa (where it’s close, they’re supposed to take year 7s over year 6s and they didn’t).
It’s hard.
Hard for the selectors too. They have all these boys and a few hours to make their decisions.
Those decisions aren’t going to be perfect.
I understand that.
At the end of the day, all I can do as a parent is sympathise with Lleyton and allow him to work through his disappointment.
And try to use this as a teaching opportunity that life just isn’t fair. No matter how badly we want it to be, we’re all human. Humans have different ideas to one another on what is right or “best”. Humans make mistakes. Humans aren’t always perfect or “fair”. No doubt he’s going to face worse disappointments than this in his life.
But as a mum, all I want to do is take away the hurt. Make everything alright. Make a perfect little bubble for my child to grow up in.
If only that were possible…
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Oh Jodi, I so understand. It is so hard to see them struggling when you can’t do anything to protect them.
Nick was dropped a division in soccer this year & we had a really tough evening when he found out. They did ask him to keep training with the higher division with the expectation that he will be back in that division next year.
It is a lesson they need to learn though, and better to do it now when they have parental support right then than when they get into the workplace or similar.
Hugs, Jodi. I guess I am learning that kids (all of us actually!) don’t learn much by their/our successes. We learn by our failures and grow as a result of them.
{{HUGS}} to Lleyton. It’s hard…
{{HUGS}} to you too!
AH it’s so hard isn’t it…
We recently had an issue where one twin went up a reading level but the other didn’t. For a moment I thought about asking their teacher just to put them both up, but that wouldn’t have been the right thing to do… we all needed to learn this hard lesson.
Wow - that all sounds pretty lousy if you ask me. I don’t have a problem with my children not being chosen for the right reasons (ie not good enough) but not for the reasons you’ve listed. You’re right life isn’t fair but it shouldn’t be so unfair at that age.
Libby
Yep - same here. H didn’t even bother trying out for the netball for those reasons you listed. She doesn’t stand out, she’s not tall, she doesn’t have the right name…
There were tears last night after they selected captain and vice captain for her netball team. the girls were told last week to make sure they picked an experienced player, so when they elected a new team member over her she was so disappointed. What are you going to do?
I don’t know if there is much you can do other than teach your kids resilience, be a supportive shoulder for them to cry on, and try to find a way for them to learn something positive (or at least character building) from the experience. Our coaches tend to rotate the captains in the junior teams so that every team member gets experience in leading. Perhaps that is something you could suggest to either the coach or your liason person (do you have a liason person?).
so unfair that they have to learn this so young.
And I think it is harder on us than them.
YES! Tis ridiculously hard…
Having a daughter who sings (could anything BE any more subjective??) its tough when you see others chosen over her. Not necessarily because they sing better, but because they “sell it” better. Sigh. I think she should just take up knitting.
I find it very difficult coping with these life lessons that our children have to learn. It is important for them to get the full spectrum of emotions but I just want to wrap them in bubble wrap all the time. My three children’s father died when they were 9 (girl) 6 (girl) and 2 (boy) and they are going to spend the rest of their lives dealing with the disappointment of him not seeing them play sport, sing (both girls sing frequently and perform in lots of concerts). My poor son has never had his Daddy see him do anything and he’s now 9.
Leanne - that sounds really tough all round.
{{{HUGS}}}