Absorbing Other Peoples Emotions
I grew up feeling like an over-emotional freak.
It wasn’t until I met my now husband that I even learnt that I have a tendency to absorb other peoples emotions. He would come to visit me and all of a sudden I would feel absolutely awful. We worked out (through talking) that he would be worrying about how his car was running or something else. All I was getting was a negative emotion that seemed to have no source or reason - and was therefore almost impossible to deal with.
Recognising this tendency has helped a little. It doesn’ t seem to always happen and I don’t always recognise it when it does. I’m also learning that I’m more susceptible when my own emotional stores are low.
It happened this morning and took me by surprise - and caused me a lot of pain.
I’m emotionally low at the moment. Signs like thinking my husband hates me and not being able to get to sleep (or stay asleep very long when I do get to sleep) are tell-tale signs.
I’m doing well and today planned a “mental health” day. Plenty of rest, some recreation and pottering around making the main areas of the house tidy (because that seems to help as well).
I did have 1 task that really “HAD” to be done and that was talk to the Deputy Principal of our school about possible changes to our kids classes (they’re having to reshuffle the school at the moment and I don’t want our youngest changed). That’s fine - all went fine with the phone call. It should have felt a relief to have that dealt with and know they’re not going to change him.
Instead, I felt incredibly exhausted and in a LOT of pain.
Why?
I’m surmissing that I absorbed a heap of his emotions.
Unsurprisingly, he’s quite stressed at the moment. He’s been sick. He’s having to deal with all the extra work of reshuffling all the primary classes (we’re getting an extra teacher) and the principal is away at the moment.
Poor guy. I do wish I was more that I could do.
But I’m guessing my carrying some of his emotional baggage is not helpful to anyone.
Mind you, I’d be curious as to whether he felt any better after talking to me. Wonder if my taking it on unburdens someone else or whether the emotions multiply???
Dunno. I’m still learning about this myself. And I’m not about to ring him back and ask him. LOL.
So, now I’m doing some research and trying to understand strategies for stopping this happening and what I can do to recover my own emotional state when it does happen.
Anyone else have this tendency to absorb other peoples emotions? I’m not sure how common it is.
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Lovely to hear from you but not so nice to hear where you are at!!
I can appreciate some of the intense emotions you speak of…. i seem to do similar and take on others emotions, pain, anger so easily and before i know it, yes i am at an all time low again!!
These days.. i guess i have tended not to get so closely involved with some that I feel overwhelmed with.. even though some I call friends….
Instead of taking their baggage on.. i tend to try to mentally leave it with them even though i do care still… I have to tell myself that I am not them and they are not me,, and that i can only help to solve my own issues….. i cant rescue anyone else and they ahve to learn to work through the stuff themselves…
Not sure if this makes sense but i do know that when my organiser self comes out.. i want to solve the world problems even though I cant and arent meant to..
I also do know that it can help to just pray…. hand the concerns over to God knowing he is bigger than all.. He is in control… and doesnt need me to be so wound up i snap..
Hope you are able to sleep tonight.. perhaps even have some time of meditation, journalling, writing notes and then ripping them into the bin.. sometimes the physical act of throwing them away relieves pressures…
Hugs to you … and i thought something was up so much so that you were going to get an email tonight…..
PS If you dont look after No 1 - YOU.. noone else can do it as well.. !!! So take stock
Come apart before you come apart!! (my mums fav quote and it works))
Lynette
I can see EXACTLY where you might be coming from with the “emotional sponge” tendency. I have become one in the last few years (or a worse one than I was before I noticed…). It mainly happens when I’m depressed (long term prob anyway) and when my partner has the emotion involved. Usually, I’ve been managing OK although not the best and I feel myself getting better towards the evening. Then Spotrick comes home and says he’s totally fed up with “The Dementors”, or he’s worried about his bank balance etc and immediately plunge into the depths of despair! I can notice it happening, but don’t have much luck fighting it off at the pass- it’s like I’m an observer. A remedy that I’ve tried is getting myself engrossed in a good hobby or interest before Spotrick gets home- when he arrives and unloads his sh*t I make myself give him a hug, tell him to relax with something nice, tell him I’m just going back to my sewing/drawing/dyeing/beading and leave him to it. I can also absorb excitement and exuberance sometimes and that’s good but can lead to silly stuff and drunken behaviour!
Perfectly normal. Means you are a caring person in my book.
Hang in there sweetie, you have been here before and worse. Take time for you and remember a happy time. You will be back there before you know it.
MWAH.
I’m not sure that I take on people’s emotions, but I am effected by negativity and I have had to learn to avoid some people when I’m not feeling at my best. And no. You are not one of those people! I guess that’s easier to handle because I know who to avoid, whereas you have no idea who’s emotions are going to sabotage your own.
Like Kelley said, I think it means you are a really caring person.
I’m definitely familiar with what you’re going through. The other day, my two of my friend’s cousins were in a car accident. I was in the office when she came in crying, after a few moments of her talking i hugged her, and after about 5-10 seconds she went to go find her other cousin, Charles. She came back to class after about 15 minutes. Halfway through she seemed better and hadn’t cried, however, i had. I’d accidently absorbed the pain she felt and am now dealing with the side effects–including an elevated heartbeat, which i have no idea where else it could’ve come from. My father knows about things like this, and told me not to absorb her emotions, that she needed the pain, but it was a day too late.
A possible side effect is also having your heart feel numb for a moment, which means you should stop absorbing emotions, according to my father. Sadly, i have major problems with not absorbing emotions, even if i could stop, i don’t think i’d want to.
Wow, that sounds awful and I hope you all find a good workable way of dealing with it. Maybe you are a very caring and compassionate person but you would need to find a way to handle this.
Sorry I can’t offer any suggestions.
Barb.
I call it the human mushroom effect, like how a mushroom were to soak up the taste of whatever it is cooked with, I also do this with human emotions. I have recently discovered I can feel strong emotions in a room long after they have happened, I can almost pinpoint the cause of these emotions sometimes, but it has taken years to develope any sense of their cause at all. I reccomend, long periods of meditation, write out your clear emotions, and know who you are as a person. It is easier to point out these odd new feelings if you yourself have defined who you are. I am also a songwriter, and when emotions impact me I write a song for those who have been caught in this emotion, try solving the emotional cause for relief, if you know what causes the pain you feel, then why wouldn’t you try to help? I am so glad their are others out there, although it seems like you’re just discovering your talent… don’t view it as a problem you need to deal with, use it as a strength to manuever those around you, and make yourself turn out better. I have helped many people, and I think you can too. Goodluck!
- Josh
Hi I am 13 years old and I can sometimes feel other peope’s emotions. I just reaized yesterday and thought I was crazy but then I went onto these kind of websites. When I first went into high school and tried to make friends I found it quite hard as my best friend from primary school knew al of the ‘popular’ people and I had to sometimes go places with them and when I tried talking to them it felt as if they were too good for me, didnt like me and I could feel the negative energy from them, I just knew!
And in class when a mobile goes off I start getting worried and scared even though I know mine is off. Also one day I just burst out crying for no reason. And another experience is that I have a brother with autism and I fee as if I know what he is going through so I decided to write a small document on it(3 pages) and when my mum eventually got him to talk about it he said I was exactly right! However whenever I am hyper or excited I dont feel it.
Hi Amy, Thanks for sharing your experiences. The teenage years can be tough even without this kind of personality. Do you have someone you can talk things through with? Lightening.
Wow! I though I was the only one who absorbed others emotions! When my husband gets angry or upset I try to remain positive and look to the brighter side of things! The more I do the more upset he seems to get, so instead, and not sure how I absorb his emotion till I simply can’t function anymore. I break down and feel slightly crazy if you will. The funny thing is that once I enter this state my husband seems to return to normal. Am I actually transfering his stress to my own self?
Rachael - what my husband and I have worked out is that he dumps on me and I absorb his emotions. He then feels better. Then I have to dump back on him. He doesn’t absorb my emotions but seems to be able to help me rid my body of them. Then we all feel better.
absorbing emotions of others in adult life perhaps comes from anxiety in childhood - a mother who was always unpredictable, for whom one felt responsible. I don’t know how you work through this - you go into a caring profession but then when you retire after years of giving you still go through this with your children and friends and it doesn’t really seem to help them ,just exhaust you. Prayer or some form of formalising thought is possibly the only answer - and trying to keep yourself afloat, refusing to go too far when younger souls want you to solve everything for them but repudiate- rightly- the solutions you offer; maybe it’s just being human