Lightening Online

Well, I’m away at the moment spending time with Farmboy’s family.  We’re having the Cousin’s Birthday Party this weekend so I’ve been having fun with presents, birthday cake and party bags. 

I’ll be back in a few days with photo’s of all the fun.

In the meantime, here is an email that was forwarded to me by a friend (actually, my personal trainer LOL).  It made me laugh and I hope it does you too! 

It was titled: Good Advice From a Doctor...  Then she added in brackets “but you didn’t get it from me” lol.

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that   cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A:  Your  heart is  only good for so many  beats, and  that’s it…  don’t waste  them on exercise. Everything  wears out  eventually.   Speeding up your heart will  not make you live longer; that’s  like saying you can extend   the life of your car by driving it  faster.  Want to  live longer?  Take a  nap.

Q: Should   I cut  down on meat and  eat  more fruits and   vegetables?
A: You  must grasp   logistical  efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?    Hay and  corn.   And what are these?   Vegetables.  So  a steak  is nothing more  than an  efficient mechanism  of  delivering vegetables to your   system.    Need grain?   Eat  chicken.     Beef is also a good source  of field grass    (green leafy vegetable).   And a pork chop can    give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of    vegetable  products.

Q: Should  I reduce   my  alcohol intake?
A:  No,  not at   all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is    distilled wine,  that means they take the water out   of  the fruity bit so you  get even more of the   goodness that  way.   Beer is also made out    of grain.  Bottoms   up!

Q: How   can I  calculate my body/fat   ratio?
A:  Well,  if you  have a body and you have  fat, your  ratio is one  to one.   If you have two bodies, your   ratio is two to  one,  etc.

Q: What  are   some of  the advantages of participating in a regular    exercise  program?
A: Can’t  think of a   single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No    Pain…Good!
Q:  Aren’t  fried  foods   bad for you?
A:  YOU’RE  NOT    LISTENING!!! …..  Foods are fried these days in    vegetable oil..  In fact,  they’re permeated in   it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad   for  you?

Q:  Will  sit-ups    help prevent me from getting a little soft  around    the middle?
A:  Definitely  not! When  you  exercise a muscle, it gets  bigger. You  should only be   doing sit-ups if you want a  bigger   stomach.

Q:  Is    chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are    you crazy? HELLO    Cocoa  beans ! Another  vegetable!!! It’s the  best feel-good   food around!

Q:  Is     swimming good for your figure?
A:  If     swimming is good for  your figure,     explain whales to  me.

Q:  Is  getting    in-shape important for my    lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  ’Round’ is   a shape!

Well,   I hope this has  cleared up any  misconceptions you may   have had about   food    and diets.

And  remember:
‘Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with   the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive   and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in   sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the   other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and     screaming ‘WOO  HOO, What a    Ride’ AND…..

For   those of you who watch what you eat,  here’s the final  word  on nutrition and health. It’s a  relief to know the  truth after  all those conflicting  nutritional  studies.

1. The  Japanese eat   very little fat
and suffer  fewer heart  attacks  than  Americans.

2. The Mexicans  eat a lot  of   fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than    Americans.

3. The Chinese  drink  very little   red wine
and  suffer fewer heart  attacks than   Americans.

4. The  Italians drink a lot  of red   wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than    Americans.

5. The Germans  drink a lot   of beers and eat lots of  sausages and fats  and   suffer fewer heart attacks than   Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat  and drink what you   like.Speaking  English is apparently what kills    you.

I hope you’re all having a lovely Smiley Saturday.  Catch you all next week.