Lightening Online

Today is my 13th Wedding Anniversary. I can hardly believe that Farmboy and I have been married for 13 years!!!! Time flies when you’re having fun!

This was one of my favourite moments on the day:

Farmboy and I could have stayed there for hours, gazing into each others eyes.

I remember how hard it was to say goodbye to him the night before the wedding.  All I wanted was to never have to say goodbye again.  Now, 13 years later, I still find it hard to say goodbye.

A little while ago I was asked about my thoughts on marriage, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to share some of the things I have learnt in my time with Farmboy.

I consider myself very much a “work in progress”.  We don’t have all the answers.  But we have been blessed with a wonderful marriage, which is something I try never to take for granted.

1. Marry Your Best Friend

This is the single best decision you can make when choosing a life partner.  Sure, a spark is nice and can be an important part of a marriage relationship but more important than that is that you have a lifetime “best friend” to navigate life with.

2. Spend Quality Time Together

This isn’t always easy.  Life gets busy and it’s even harder when there are children in the equation.  It is important to not only spend time together but to spend time together where you can really focus on one another.   Farmboy and I have a regular time each Sunday afternoon where we sit down in the lounge with a cuppa and just talk.   This isn’t something we’ve always done but something we’ve learnt to do.

3. Spend Quantity Time Together

Quality time is important but it cannot replace quantity time together.  I’m not sure I’m convinced of the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.  The more time Farmboy and I spend together, the more time we seem to want to spend together.  I’m not saying that spending time apart is a bad thing but I do believe it’s important to spend lots of time together too.

4. The only person you can Change is YOU

I remember one young couple who entered marriage with the husband thinking it would keep the wife happy (to be married) and the wife thinking she could change her spouse once they were married.  What a recipe for disaster (sadly, the marriage only lasted 5 years).

If we spent as much time working on our own “faults” as we did trying to fix those in our partners, I think we’d see a lot more successful and happy marriages.

5. Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Your Anger

I always found that a strange proverb when I was a child. The truth is, it makes a lot of sense. Everyone sleeps better if you can resolve any differences before the days end. I guess Farmboy and I are pretty lucky because we rarely disagree or fight and when we do, we’re pretty quick to make up again. That’s more down to him than me though, I’m sure. He’s pretty easy going and forgiving.

6. Maintain a Sense of Humor

Let’s face it, living together brings with some annoying little niggles.  We tend to mostly resolve ours with humour. It lightens the moment while still bringing the point home.

7. Find Out Your Partners Love Language

Love Languages are amazing and once you read about them, they really make sense.  We naturally express love in our own love language which may not be the same language of our partner.  Once you understand your partners love language, it’s so much easier to express your love in ways that they can understand and appreciate more fully.

The commonly accepted love languages are:

1.  Gifts

2. Touch

3. Time

4. Verbal Expression

5. Acts of Service

If you’re not sure what your partners love language is, watch the way they express love to others and you’re likely to get a good idea.

You can find out more about Love Languages at:

The 5 Love Languages

8. Romance is Found in the Unexpected

Commercialism would have us think that Romance is all about spending lots of $$ on a loved one.  To me romance is more about doing something unexpected. Whether it be a small love note, a flower from the garden, cooking tea for them or a back rub. There are 1000s of ways we can show our love in small and romantic ways.

9. Marriage Is A Lifetime Commitment

Marriages end for all sorts of reasons and I don’t want you to feel that I’m condemning anyone who has had a marriage fail.  For a start, it takes 2 people to make a marriage work and sometimes things just don’t happen the way we expect them to.

What I do find sad is the attitude some people have when entering a marriage that it may or may not work out.  It’s important to go into a marriage believing it will be for life.  If you don’t, it’s doomed from the start.

10.  Good Marriages Are Made not Found

Nothing worthwhile comes without effort and marriages are no different.  I have found there are times when things seem to fall into place really easily and times when it’s a real struggle to work through an issue or push through communication barriers.  It is an investment in time and effort that can reap wonderful rewards though.

Do You Have a Tip to Share?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what makes a great marriage.  Feel free to share in the comments section below.