How To End Your Marriage Instantly
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Take a bunch of fat cantankerous sheep and ask your wife to help you draft them.
Make sure your wife is overtired and brewing a cold so that she bursts into tears instantaneously without really being able to explain why.
Then call out instructions to her from where you’re standing, causing the sheep to run away from you just when she finally has them running the right way. Therefore, making her job harder and making her feel even more stupid than before.
When she bursts into tears, tell her she’s doing a good job so that she feels even worse about bursting into tears and then tell her not to worry about drafting the sheep because you have no idea that not completing the job is going to completely decimate what little self esteem she does have.
Add into the mix an overfed, cantankerous dog. Then part way through, blame the kids for the dog not working because you insist they feed the dog but complain they don’t do it “right”. Attacking her children is going to make her feel so much better about he whole situation - NOT!!!!
When said sheep are finally drafted, drop the bombshell that 2/3’s of them need to be re-drafted to make a 3rd group. Tell her that it doesn’t really matter if she doesn’t want to do them. Of course, now she’ll be leaving feeling like the job isn’t “finished” and we all know how women LOVE to leave a job unfinished.
When the job is finally over, tell her that she was much more patient than you would have been which probably made the job easier in the long run. She might even *just* believe you and it might save your marriage.
If you can come up with a cup of tea and some chocolate - she might even consider helping you out again. One day…
P.S. For those of you who are concerned, Farmboy and I are fine. While this is an account of what happened, it is meant to be funny - you’re allowed to laugh. 
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((( hugs )))
and they say sheep are stupid…..
sending you timtam cheesecake.
and hang on to farmboy for a bit longer. he’s a keeper
Wasnt sure whether to laugh or cry.. but hope u 2 have made up now.. forgiveness is the key!
Maybe you should do the instructing next time!
Wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.. i could just imagine sheep going all over the place so confused like in Babe…. but hope u two have made up now.. forgiveness is the key!
Maybe you should do the instructing next time!
PS I just noticed a few lines YOU wrote on your blog page…… do you still feel the same tonight?
“”Farmboy
“”
My wonderful husband (yes, he is a REAL farmer
forgiveness is the key!
Sheep are the dumbest animals on the planet. Either that or they are really smart and know how to push our buttons!
But I’m leaning toward the dumb theory.
I hate drafting sheep. I’m so glad that Scott is now chief sheep drafter. And why is it, that when we have to help these farmboys draft their sheep that they get to stand around and issue orders while we run about like headless chooks trying to get sheep, and dogs to run in the right direction?
Our dog is particularly touchy. If you raise your voice at her she goes and sits in the trough and refuses to work. Didn’t no dogs were hormonal like us!
One of the best posts I have ever read (and of course I don’t have any link) was by a country wife and why she didn’t help her husband any more.
Marita - thanks.
Gnometree - yeah, he is.
Lynette - laughter is always good. It was supposed to be funny.
Farmboy and I are fine - we’re not very good at fighting really.
Sharon - I think stubborn is the word. I noticed that the more you tried to make them do what you wanted, the more stubborn they got. Give them some time and they got there eventually - well, some of them did.
Jeanie - my MIL almost called off the wedding after drafting sheep with my now FIL when they were engaged.
Oh I had a good chuckle. having grown up on 500 square miles in the outback and having lots to do with sheep. ((HUGS)) about the cold too.
I just love your blog, love how you write and think this post was just a hoot. Well written, certainly puts a smile on. I just had to excerpt it and give it a mention on my blog. I will be back. Also nice, and I think I am correct here, to read a fellow Aussie’s blog.
Celebrate Life
Lorrette (QLD, Australia)
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