Anyone Got A Recipe For A Healthy Self Esteem?
I was lying in bed last night beating myself up over every word that has left my mouth in the last week or so.
Every now and then I have a tendency to do that.
Usually when I’m over-tired.
But not always.
And it hit me quite calmly between the eyes.
I hate myself.
Sounds kind of pathetic when you put it in writing.
I mean, I’ve always known I had an unhealthy lack of self esteem.
A fact that I felt was warranted until more recent times.
You know, like I don’t “deserve” to have a good self esteem. I have no “reason” to have a good self-esteem. Stuff like that.
Last night was different. Unemotional. Detached.
A very quiet understanding of the facts.
“I Hate Myself”.
Well, that’s kind of STUPID.
But what do you do?
Is there some magic formula for “unhating” yourself?
*sigh*
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Oh dear J! Am sending you a big hug across the miles as you are such a wonderful person !
Dont beat yourself up. Its been an emotional time for you - losing DH friend in the Vic fires; watching reading and talking about the bushfires; sending your littly off to school; after -holiday wind-up back to routine stuff ; hot weather acclimatisation etc etc etc and just every day living can make one feel glum… so dont give in please……. take time.. have a bath and slow your mind down…..
You are not a bad person……..!!! Believe it!!!!!!! Please……………..
Give yourself a chance…….
XXXXXOOOOOOO
I wish there was a magic formula so I could give it to my teen.
I dunno Jodi.
I wish I had some answers.
hugs
One thing you can do, is to tell us one thing you do like about yourself. If you are stuck, we can tell you some, but for you to believe it you have to think of it for yourself. Once you have found one thing, then the next is easier, and so on.
Fraid not Babe.
The creator who made everything and everyone loves you. He can forgive you, He sees the good in you (and there is a LOT), He can heal your heart, your mind and your self esteem. Stop trying to fix everything yourself and let Him.
I have never felt quite that bad but I have had my own doubts about my worthiness. One thing that has made a huge difference to me is attending the Landmark Forum. It has really made me realise how much I am worth and I value myself now.
Before attending the Landmark Forum I would not have been able to attend networking meetings with complete strangers and was quite withdrawn as I didn’t feel I was worth it and would only screw it up.
Now, after the Landmark Forum I am enjoying meeting new people and I get a sense of contribution and enjoyment out of meeting people and sharing my experiences with them.
Looking back, the only thing I regret about the Landmark Forum is that I didn’t participate any earlier.
One really great thing about the Landmark Forum is that it’s not about fixing anything but much more about accepting yourself for who you are.
Either way, you are worthy and a contribution to humanity.
BIG HUG
I’m so sorry I can’t help you with this. I don’t have any answers. My hubby hates himself too, always has. In the seven years we’ve been married, I’ve been unable to help him. Rest assured though, that we out here don’t hate you. We love you. We love reading about your family, your plans, your menus, all the little things that make you who you are. We understand that things have been tough lately, with the fires and stuff, so that’s probably contributed to your feeling down. But you can bounce back a bit, you’re tough. Take a few days for yourself. Love your family and let them love you.
Alas I have no words of wisdom either.
But just know that EVERYONE feels that way at one time or another.
Looking in the mirror and despising the person you see looking back.
Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.
All I have for you are lots of {{HUGS}}
Lynette - thank you. You’re right - life has been an emotional rollercoaster of late and that might be part of my problem. I just wish I could get a handle on this.
B - it would be good wouldn’t it. I wonder if certain personalities struggle more than others or what really is the root cause.
Sharon - oh. Your comment stopped me dead in my tracks. You’re right - I do try to fix things in my own strength. No wonder it doesn’t work.
Mark - That sounds like an interesting forum.
River - thank you. Your words mean a lot.
Kelley - I usually manage to get through day to day life without it being a problem. I just wish it didn’t need to BE a problem though. It just seems so silly.
Kez - thanks babe.
Cadi’s Mum - sorry, I wasn’t ignoring you. Your comment was still in the moderation queue when I made my last response.
I’m giving this some thought - it’s not easy unfortunately. To be honest, I find the whole thing quite frustrating and really wish it was something I could just “get over”.
You could also go at it the other way. If you worked out what you hated about yourself, you might realize that you weren’t being all that fair. Especially given that the things that you probably don’t like about yourself you are fine about in other people. Hate is pretty strong. It isn’t as though you go to Phillip Island to play Kick The Penguins.
Stuffy - I think that’s the thing. Hate is a strong word and it’s kind of taken me by surprise to even admit that is how I feel. I feel like I was kind of “separated” from my emotional self and just looking at the facts. I’ve always known I haven’t liked myself but to realise how deep it goes is interesting (and scary). I do wonder though, if maybe I’ve taken the first step on the road to “recovery” by actually admitting it and facing it. Maybe now I’m ready to work on fixing it? Maybe now, for the first time, I can see that I don’t “deserve” to hate myself.
Hiya, I’m well known for having rather low self-esteem and I know where i got it from- my parents never valued me openly and never praised me enough, so I didn’t know that the pretty spectacular things I did were worth anything to anybody. However, I try to think these days that certain aspects of me are REALLY EXCELLENT and it helps. Concentrate on your good bits, and do some “thought-stopping” whenever you catch yourself in negative-self mode. ACTING confident and competent is a big boost too- it certainly works for me. I used to think people would laugh and point if I approached them, then started to think “bugger it”- what if they do- if it turns them on- fine! SO now I bowl up to people all smiles and introduce myself, tell jokes and even take their photos for an online magazine! The best solution to all this self-doubt is to just deny it with your behaviour! It works! Go for it. [NB. I've also done extensive research on what makes people with anorexia and bulimia do such extreme things...yes, it's self-hate- it's one of the main roots of all nervous problems- everyone has their own way of playing out the symptoms!] SO just do it- be very brave, there’s no time like the present and you’ll feel so victorious when you succeed and no one hates you. Soon you’ll believe it yourself!