One More Step Along the Road I Go
Image by __Olga__ via Flickr
Welcome to any readers who have clicked through to here from my post on Problogger. As a personal blog, this blog covers a wide range of topics relevant to my own life including my recovery from post natal depression, life as a farmer’s wife, parenting and my journey to discover more of who I really am. You can read a little more on my “About” page and also find a photograph of me if you’re the kind of person who likes a visual of who is sitting behind the keyboard.
If personal blogs aren’t your thing, you might be interested in one of my other blogs.
On all things blogging: Lightening’s Blogworld
My spiritual side: For I Know The Plans I Have For You
Gardening and my journey toward a more self sufficient lifestyle: Lightening’s Garden
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My latest post can be viewed below.
When I left home yesterday, I was determined that no matter what my Psychiatrist said, I was going to come OFF of Effexor. That was what I wanted and that was what I was determined to get.
However, something hit me as I was sitting drinking tea in the waiting room. Life is GOOD. Life hasn’t been THIS good in over 5 years. It’s not perfect. I’m not what I would consider 100% back to my “old self”. But I have finally reached a level of “quality of life” where I feel I could live with this.
The whole process of weaning off my current level of medication began when Farmboy and I basically said to the Psychiatrist “if this is as good as it gets, it’s not good enough”. I was on the highest dose my body would tolerate (having been higher and not being able to function) which meant we couldn’t keep going up.
My body had also started to go backwards in terms of “getting better”.
Mental Health being the exact science that it isn’t, the recommendation of the Psychiatrist at that point was to come off the Effexor and “see what happens”. In his mind, one of two things could be happening.
The first was that my body was no longer responding to the Effexor and we needed to try another medication option.
The second was that my brain no longer required the medication and was therefore actively fighting it.
Either way, the only way to tell was to come completely OFF the Effexor and see what happened.
Worst case scenario, I would lose about 3 or so months of my life to “nothingness” until we could get me weaned off the Effexor and onto something else. Best case scenario, I would improve on the lower doses indicating that perhaps my brain was ready to “go it alone” without medical intervention.
What occurred to me yesterday as I was waiting to see the doctor was that I hadn’t considered an “in between” stage. Perhaps my body is on it’s WAY to recovery and a lower dose of Effexor is what it needs right now.
What if I come off the Effexor (and go through the withdrawals - of which the final stage of getting down to zero Effexor is known to be the worst), only to find I need it and have to go back on it (knowing that I’ll have to then go through the withdrawal process again).
All this to say, I’m not coming off. YET. We’ve postponed the decision for another 5 weeks.
In the meantime, there is one more intermediate dose reduction that I’m going to try. This dose isn’t really a dose in itself and is more of a stepping stone to getting on and off Effexor. It will enable me to cut down on what I’m taking without going through the final withdrawal. If the reduction poses any significant problems, I can return to what I’m currently taking.
I feel like I’m kind of hedging my bets right now. It’s about time I had that option rather than feeling like I have to jump off the cliff with no idea of what is below.
It’s taken me 2 years to get to this point in my recovery. What’s another 5 weeks just to be sure we’re on the right path?
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I really admire your honesty - it is inspiring
Congrats also on your guest post at pro-blogger, I was really excited to see that it was written by someone that I ‘knew’! btw it was a great article.
Very proud and happy for you, Lightening, it’s a tough decision to make from your position but it sounds like the right one for you.
Just always keep in mind that none of us can “go back” and “be our old selves” no matter whether it’s mental health, age, or just life in general.
We all change, evolve, mature and stretch in different ways so that we’re all altered from our former selves; you will be different to how you used to think/be but don’t worry, that’s normal and expected
Again, brave decision and well done
I’m glad you were able to reach a decision that you’re comfortable with. That’s half the battle I think. With so many unknowns, there’s always a “what if”.
Does another appt in 5 weeks mean more shopping and kid-free time?
AND congrats on having your article published on Problogger. Fabulous!!
I too am applauding you for not fixing yourself on a “boom or bust” decision but allowing yourself time for transitions.
It is good you can keep an open and flexible mind without sending yourself into a spiral because it isn’t what you planned.
A tough but wise decision I think you made. At least in 5weeks you can reassess and alter the path and/or change directions.
Wishing you strength , resilience and hope for the transition time.
Good choice. Taking more time is often the best way to go.
Awesome. Knowing you for so long babe, just making this decision is awesome.
<3
Effexor is a really hard drug to come off….but it is possible. I weaned off for 6 months but in the very last stage…where I stopped all together - I had to spend about a week or two in bed. I had these weird shock pains through my head. (I have heard other people who have come off effexor refer to this as electricity). I did get through it though- and given your determination and strength you will too. I have been medication free for about two years now and despite massive doubts and anxieties from my doctors I am coping really well. My advice is - Find a replacement - I do yoga - quite religiously. It is very powerful in increasing endorphins. I also keep creative and I don’t drink or smoke. Trust your own instincts (doctors can be great tool but they will never really know what you are experiencing). Don’t be afraid to go back on medication if you need to later. In all, you seem wise enough to know what’s best for yourself. And honesly, don’t listen to anyone else. Just do what’s right for you.
jess
Good luck. I can’t imagine having to balance all of this as well as everything else we have to juggle in life. It sounds like slow and steady is the best way to go.
Going through your post, I believe that you’ve been prescribed to an antidepressant medication. I must say that even though you taking this medication, have been maintaining this blog quite well or even to say very good.
Hope you get out of this medication soon and without any complications.
Take care.
I think it sounds like you have made the right decision. Couldn’t agree more - what’s five more weeks? And so glad to hear you’re feeling pretty good lately.
you ARE getting off your medication, and furthermore: enjoy your journey! you are doing great.
btw i found your blog on problogger and have to say that there is an inbetween stage in the blog monetization also: if you have a look at how I did it: all my free healing articles categories (all but one) have ads, so I can pay the bills for the initiatives (although not enough yet to get any signif. return for labor).
the one category that the blog is actually for: to help heal the world at large through group meditation & synergistic healing, that category has no ads.
it works. none has complained about it. i get compliments, and new participants for the initiative daily.
I wish you the best and glad that you are off your meds - take care.
It must be the company you are keeping
Just kidding.
I’m so pleased that you have come to a decision that you are happy with. You are doing fabulously. We are really proud of you.
Hey Lightening
Keep on keeping on! A day at a time, slow and steady - you’ll get there. I think you are lucky to have the support of a loving husband and family and friends. Your posts have been much brighter of late and that is a really good thing.
Sunny days to you - Joolz
Recently after much prayer and reflection I took myself off medication for several “issues” (Manic Depressive, Depression, and a few others). It’s tough, but in my opinion well worth it (at least in my case). I went “cold turkey” which isn’t the recommended way to get off what I affectionately call “mental meds”. So far so good. I pray you will find the same success as you work to meet your goal.
I think you are doing so well. Be gentle with yourself, my friend. Whatever decision you come to will be the right one.
I saw your post on Pro Blogger and it was so lovely I just had to come to your blog. What a wonderful place to loll around for a bit, to see your beautiful family and hear such a real, fun, human, honest voice. I love the name Lightening! You truly have the gift of lightening the burdens of the world for the people who are reading your writing. I’ll be back! And good luck with the weaning off the medication…
Good on you gal!
What a hurdle you have crossed!
Tamsyn - thank you and thanks for the heads up on the Problogger post. I hadn’t noticed it yet (being behind in my bloglines and all) and Darren hadn’t given me a specific date.
Jayne - you make a very good point about not being able to go back to our “old self”. Thanks for pointing that out.
Journeyer - yep, another appointment means more shopping and a day with farmboy. Yippee!!! Will plan NOT to spend as much money this time (all will be revealed in this week’s Smiley Saturday post).
Jeanie - Thanks. I think I am maturing in that area which is nice. Hopefully I can maintain that - at least most of the time.
Trish - thank you. It does seem like a nice outcome - being able to choose one way or the other depending on how things go.
Marita - thanks. Yes, I do tend to get TOO impatient at times and that doesn’t always have the best outcome.
Kelley - thanks Kell. It’s been a bit of a ride hasn’t it?
Some tough decisions but hopefully the right ones.
Jess - thank you so much for sharing your own experiences. I know that isn’t easy to do. Your description of shocks and so on sounds very much like what I’ve read. If and when I do cut back to zero, it will be interesting to see what happens. Hopefully my reactions are minimal. And that taking things nice and slowly helps too.
Frogdancer - I am very blessed with the support I have and that I don’t have to deal with paid work at the same time. I guess we all cope with what we need to (most of the time).
Shreemani - thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You are correct in your assessment. I have been on this medication for just over 2 years now and coming off under supervision with the intention of going onto an alternative IF I need to. I’m hoping I don’t but trying to keep an open mind the best I can.
Jenn - thanks. It is very nice to be feeling better. I even cooked tea tonight - 2 courses!!! Amazing!!!
Astrid - thanks for taking the time to add your thoughts. It’s great to hear from you.
Mo - thank you for your kind thoughts and taking the time to express them.
Sharon - I’m sure the company I’m keeping is helping!!!
Julie - I am indeed very blessed with the family I have. And the wonderful friendship and support from my blog readers.
B.Durant - thanks for sharing your experiences. Yes, cold turkey is generally not the way they recommend. As much as my Psych and I have had our differences of opinion (mostly because I’m impatient), I know he only has my best interests in mind.
Tiff - thank you. I am working hard on being kind to myself. Need to be careful as I think I’m overloading myself a little at the moment.
Sandi - thank you. Your kind words mean a lot. I truly hope you do come back and visit often. I’m so glad you liked my post on Problogger and my blog.
Lynette - thanks. Yes, to look back now it’s interesting to see the many hurdles I never thought I’d get over but did. Hopefully the ones to come I manage to jump also.