Comments on: Talking With Children About Death http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/ Simple Living... Frugality... Gardening... Cooking From Scratch... Knifty Knitter Projects.. And More. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:09:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Birdwing Therapies http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6235 Birdwing Therapies Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:25:40 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6235 <strong>Carnival of (winter in Cairns) Australia...</strong> Welcome to the June 4, 2008 edition of Carnival of Australia and Blog On Cairns. I hope you are all surviving our winter. Here in Cairns, the nights are chilly (have to wear a cardie and pull up the doona) but the days are DIVINE. Just some housekeepin... Carnival of (winter in Cairns) Australia…

Welcome to the June 4, 2008 edition of Carnival of Australia and Blog On Cairns. I hope you are all surviving our winter. Here in Cairns, the nights are chilly (have to wear a cardie and pull up the doona) but the days are DIVINE.
Just some housekeepin…

]]> By: lightening http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6147 lightening Fri, 30 May 2008 06:45:50 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6147 Gnometree - it did all happen very quickly. Without knowing how close you are to W, I can't really say what would be best. Most likely a card at the moment. I imagine he needs a bit of space just to come to terms with things. Gnometree - it did all happen very quickly. Without knowing how close you are to W, I can’t really say what would be best. Most likely a card at the moment. I imagine he needs a bit of space just to come to terms with things.

]]> By: Gnometree http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6146 Gnometree Fri, 30 May 2008 06:32:42 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6146 Oh My Oh My!! I have just read the paper and found out that it was J (yes, I am a day late - but hey) I didn't realise that she had deteriorated so quickly. I was only talking to W a few weeks ago and he gave me no indication that things were not well. I am still trying to work out how to tell my own daughter. She loves W and she didn't know that J was ill.... :(( My day has just been turned upside down. Do I ring W? Do I wait till I see him next? Do I send a card? A letter? I'm trying to remember my last conversation with him. He was complimenting me on the lovely painted pasta necklace I was wearing, and I was rabbiting on about our 5 year plan for our house and lives..... who knew he didn't even have a 5 week plan. :(( Oh My Oh My!! I have just read the paper and found out that it was J (yes, I am a day late - but hey) I didn’t realise that she had deteriorated so quickly. I was only talking to W a few weeks ago and he gave me no indication that things were not well. I am still trying to work out how to tell my own daughter. She loves W and she didn’t know that J was ill…. :(( My day has just been turned upside down. Do I ring W? Do I wait till I see him next? Do I send a card? A letter? I’m trying to remember my last conversation with him. He was complimenting me on the lovely painted pasta necklace I was wearing, and I was rabbiting on about our 5 year plan for our house and lives….. who knew he didn’t even have a 5 week plan. :((

]]> By: lightening http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6095 lightening Wed, 28 May 2008 03:57:05 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6095 Just wanted to say thank you to all of you that have had an input into this discussion. I've hung off responding to give you a "free for all" to say what you think without my interference. :) I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. If anyone has anything else they'd like to say, don't let this comment stop you. :) Just wanted to say thank you to all of you that have had an input into this discussion. I’ve hung off responding to give you a “free for all” to say what you think without my interference. :) I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and experience.

If anyone has anything else they’d like to say, don’t let this comment stop you. :)

]]> By: Marita http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6084 Marita Tue, 27 May 2008 08:25:29 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6084 {{{{ Lightening }}}} That is such a hard conversation to have. Annie (5yo) obsesses constantly about her Omi (grandmother) passing away. One day she realised that Omi was her Daddy's Mum and that started us off on a whole new tangent. I still don't have any really good answers to her questions. My best solution was to visit our local Christian Bookshop and get some books from them that seemed to help a little. {{{{ Lightening }}}}

That is such a hard conversation to have.

Annie (5yo) obsesses constantly about her Omi (grandmother) passing away. One day she realised that Omi was her Daddy’s Mum and that started us off on a whole new tangent. I still don’t have any really good answers to her questions.

My best solution was to visit our local Christian Bookshop and get some books from them that seemed to help a little.

]]> By: Hilary http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6074 Hilary Mon, 26 May 2008 23:48:14 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6074 I agree with you, Lightening, it's a good thing you spoke to him before his friend's mother died, and I also agree that it's one topic you can't necessarily make easy for your kids. My 2 daughters were always very conscious of the possiblilty that they might lose a parent because I had lost mine, so there was no easy way of softening the awareness for them. My younger daughter in particular had a very hard time coming to terms with the idea for many years. I always meant to get her that 'Life After Life' book, but never got around to it. I thought it might make it easier for her if she had a belief that if one of her parents died, they would still be around in another sense, and would in a state of ecstasy and peace. I agree with you, Lightening, it’s a good thing you spoke to him before his friend’s mother died, and I also agree that it’s one topic you can’t necessarily make easy for your kids. My 2 daughters were always very conscious of the possiblilty that they might lose a parent because I had lost mine, so there was no easy way of softening the awareness for them. My younger daughter in particular had a very hard time coming to terms with the idea for many years. I always meant to get her that ‘Life After Life’ book, but never got around to it. I thought it might make it easier for her if she had a belief that if one of her parents died, they would still be around in another sense, and would in a state of ecstasy and peace.

]]> By: Gnometree http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6073 Gnometree Mon, 26 May 2008 23:46:41 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6073 I agree, death is one of those weird subjects that we just don't seem to talk about. A few years ago, 2 students at my kids school died (one from leukaemia and one as a result of a motorbike accident). C6 was too young, but H9 had just started school. They did the whole releasing balloons and stuff and we talked about it, but I don't think she really understood. Then, over Easter, we were at the cemetary in Lipson (don't ask why) and then in Tumby Bay. H9 saw all the graves that belonged to children and was really fascinated by them. Not in a morbid way, just a "I want to understand this" kind of way. We spent some time talking about what happens when people die, both physically and spiritually (I really do believe that this is easier when you have Christain beliefs). We talked about the kids at school who have had parents die (there are a couple) and talked about the kids who had died. Kids seem to deal with it differently to us. Not better or worse, just differently. Children will amaze you by their resilience. I'm glad you had the courage to talk to L about this before it happened. It doesn't make it easier, but it does lessen the confusion. I agree, death is one of those weird subjects that we just don’t seem to talk about. A few years ago, 2 students at my kids school died (one from leukaemia and one as a result of a motorbike accident). C6 was too young, but H9 had just started school. They did the whole releasing balloons and stuff and we talked about it, but I don’t think she really understood.
Then, over Easter, we were at the cemetary in Lipson (don’t ask why) and then in Tumby Bay. H9 saw all the graves that belonged to children and was really fascinated by them. Not in a morbid way, just a “I want to understand this” kind of way. We spent some time talking about what happens when people die, both physically and spiritually (I really do believe that this is easier when you have Christain beliefs). We talked about the kids at school who have had parents die (there are a couple) and talked about the kids who had died.
Kids seem to deal with it differently to us. Not better or worse, just differently. Children will amaze you by their resilience.
I’m glad you had the courage to talk to L about this before it happened. It doesn’t make it easier, but it does lessen the confusion.

]]> By: claire http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6069 claire Mon, 26 May 2008 21:22:34 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6069 I think you were totally right to discuss it in advance of it happening, that will have lessened the horror of it. you can't promise to be there forever. my ex died when Rosie was 10, he'd been ill so the conversation had been done. my answer to any fears about me not being there forever was to write a will and 'leave' Rosie to my best friend who is her favourite person. I think you were totally right to discuss it in advance of it happening, that will have lessened the horror of it. you can’t promise to be there forever. my ex died when Rosie was 10, he’d been ill so the conversation had been done. my answer to any fears about me not being there forever was to write a will and ‘leave’ Rosie to my best friend who is her favourite person.

]]> By: Goddess in the Groove http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6068 Goddess in the Groove Mon, 26 May 2008 20:17:15 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6068 Our first experience with death was when my father died, and my now 10 year old was 4. It was a first for both of us, as the last person in my family to die was my grandpa when I was 12...I am turning 39 tomorrow! I remember the controversy so vividly, because I chose to tell my daughter the truth. During that time, it helped me to write about our journey, both of these stories are now published, but you can see short excerpts at http://goddessinthegroove.com/goddessmomma.html I feel that children have to learn to see death as a cycle. Personally, I do not believe that death just wipes you away, so it is much easier accepting death. Of course, losing a mom is devasting to a young child, but is it so much different than losing a parent as an adult? You can't tell them the person was just sick or old, because it will scare them to death every time you get sick, or as you and they turn older! I think the hardest thing is the knowledge that you can never touch or talk to the person again. Our society turns death into the ultimate goodbye, into something violent. I teach my kids that the body is a shell, and the spirit lives on. It helps us cope, as we speak to my father, and our loved dog of 17 years, almost every other night beneath the stars :). I do not think there is an easy way, because when you lose a loved one, especially a parent who nurtures you, teaches you, hugs you, feeds you, clothes you, etc, there is really nothing that can take that place. But there is solace in knowing that this loved one can still be with you in spirit, underneath the stars or underneath your favorite tree... Good luck to you! Our first experience with death was when my father died, and my now 10 year old was 4. It was a first for both of us, as the last person in my family to die was my grandpa when I was 12…I am turning 39 tomorrow!

I remember the controversy so vividly, because I chose to tell my daughter the truth. During that time, it helped me to write about our journey, both of these stories are now published, but you can see short excerpts at http://goddessinthegroove.com/goddessmomma.html

I feel that children have to learn to see death as a cycle. Personally, I do not believe that death just wipes you away, so it is much easier accepting death. Of course, losing a mom is devasting to a young child, but is it so much different than losing a parent as an adult? You can’t tell them the person was just sick or old, because it will scare them to death every time you get sick, or as you and they turn older! I think the hardest thing is the knowledge that you can never touch or talk to the person again.

Our society turns death into the ultimate goodbye, into something violent. I teach my kids that the body is a shell, and the spirit lives on. It helps us cope, as we speak to my father, and our loved dog of 17 years, almost every other night beneath the stars :).

I do not think there is an easy way, because when you lose a loved one, especially a parent who nurtures you, teaches you, hugs you, feeds you, clothes you, etc, there is really nothing that can take that place. But there is solace in knowing that this loved one can still be with you in spirit, underneath the stars or underneath your favorite tree…

Good luck to you!

]]> By: kate http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/comment-page-1/#comment-6061 kate Mon, 26 May 2008 12:45:44 +0000 http://www.lighteningonline.com/2008/05/26/talking-with-children-about-death/#comment-6061 The thought of leaving my kids scares me silly..... my heart just breaks for any family, any mother who goes through this. Our girls have had quite a bit to do with death in their four short years - they have been to 6 funeral since they were born! Mostly with great grandparents dying but their grandfather (my FIL) died after a heart transplant just after the girls turned two. They had never known him when he was well (actually neither did I) so even at that young age they knew he was sick. They were also there when we turned the machines off and finally let him go after weeks with him in a coma and they were also there at his funeral, saw him in the open casket and saw it being put into the ground.... While they were too young to really understand many explanations back then it became apparent when my DH's grandmother died this past new years eve that they had a pretty good understanding of it all. They were also there when she died and were able to verbalise how they felt and how they knew that everyone would miss her etc etc. As much as I wish my kids still had their Grampy (not to mention their other great grandparents) I am glad that part of his legacy is an easier understanding of death and dying for them. They still talk about him and they still ask me if I am going to die... and it still scares me..... I don't think you can ever really prepare someone for death.... but I think you have done a great thing for your son by being open and honest about it all. The thought of leaving my kids scares me silly….. my heart just breaks for any family, any mother who goes through this.

Our girls have had quite a bit to do with death in their four short years - they have been to 6 funeral since they were born! Mostly with great grandparents dying but their grandfather (my FIL) died after a heart transplant just after the girls turned two. They had never known him when he was well (actually neither did I) so even at that young age they knew he was sick. They were also there when we turned the machines off and finally let him go after weeks with him in a coma and they were also there at his funeral, saw him in the open casket and saw it being put into the ground….

While they were too young to really understand many explanations back then it became apparent when my DH’s grandmother died this past new years eve that they had a pretty good understanding of it all. They were also there when she died and were able to verbalise how they felt and how they knew that everyone would miss her etc etc.

As much as I wish my kids still had their Grampy (not to mention their other great grandparents) I am glad that part of his legacy is an easier understanding of death and dying for them. They still talk about him and they still ask me if I am going to die… and it still scares me…..

I don’t think you can ever really prepare someone for death…. but I think you have done a great thing for your son by being open and honest about it all.

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