Comments on: Children Crave Adult Attention

By: cerebralmum

cerebralmum — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:19:25 +0000

It’s sounds like a great day but, yes, it must have been difficult to see Tami so needy for affection and interaction. And I can understand feeling worried - as the others have said, that lack of boundaries is concerning and who knows what those vulnerabilities will lead to in the future. I understand the how draining it can be, too. I have some children on the periphery of my life quite similar and it is hard to find a balance between wanting to give them something better but knowing that I can’t fill the void. It’s a helpless kind of feeling.

I guess I can only take comfort in the fact that children are survivors. At the moment, her way of surviving might not be the healthiest, but she will find her way.

By: PlanningQueen

PlanningQueen — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:26:59 +0000

Playing with kids is a great leveller. Kids have an opportunity to interact in a different way which is freer, more fun and in comfortable territory. It was great that you an opportunity like this to a girl who obviously needed it so much.

By: jeanie

jeanie — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:22:20 +0000

Oh I so know these children. It doesn’t even have to be a background of abuse - just a little neglect or not feeling special or loved seems to drive some children to want it so much from anyone - and it is so draining and it is so sad - and it is also so scary, because we, the responsible adults who try not to pull away when they hug, know that there may be some who won’t pull away but pull towards and possibly hurt even more.

Gosh, between you and ArkieMama tonight there has been some fodder to digest.

By: tiff

tiff — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:55:03 +0000

I agree with Tracey. It’s typical behaviour from a child who has not been in a ‘normal’ parent/child relationship. We still see it with our foster boys. That neediness and want of full attention. It almost becomes part of their personality.

Hugs. You and Farmboy gave her alot of joy. She will probably remember you always.

By: Tracey

Tracey — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 12:33:51 +0000

Glad you had a nice time and made it back safely.

Tami sounds like a classic case of a child who has never known genuine loving affection. She has never had an appropriate, healthy ‘attachment’, thus has no boundaries. I see it all the time in my line of work, and it is sad. Really, really sad. Because when she’s older, it will turn sexual. It won’t be what she really wants, but it will be the only way she knows how to get attention.

Farmboy was right to keep his distance, because that little girl is probably just damaged enough to make a federal case out of something completely innocent.

Our children deserve better, don’t they?

By: river

river — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 07:59:41 +0000

That’s quite sad. It sounds like perhaps the carer doesn’t give the child enough attention and/or affection. But we don’t know the whole story, there may be fairly strict instructions in place preventing such attachments. Meanwhile a little girl starves for attention and like you said may one day look for love in all the wrong places. The “system” seems sadly deficient doesn’t it? Makes me want to go and hug my own even though they are all grown and know that I love them.