Children Crave Adult Attention
).
One girl in particular seemed to stick quite close to me and peppered me with questions and information about herself.
It started with “do you know how old I am?” and continued from there. Thankfully, while she told me her age, she didn’t ask mine!!!! 
Before long, Farmboy decided that we were having too much fun on the jumping pillow and joined the rest of us. Plenty of laughter (and puffing) ensued.
Farmboy started some kind of game on the pillow and more children arrived asking “can we play too?”
Things continued along for some time, with Tami* sticking close to my side. Wanting to play and yet mostly unsure of herself to some degree.
Eventually Farmboy collapsed on the nearby grass only to end up with a pile of kids jumping all over him. That wasn’t too bad when it was OUR children. But other people’s children?
This is where things can get really sticky.
I spent half the night lying there thinking about Tami. She lived in the town where we were staying. It was a “holiday” to come and stay in a cabin at the local caravan park. With a carer. Her mother lives some 400km away. No mention of a father. My understanding was that she also lives with a carer (as in foster care).
Farmboy really struggled. She was making comments to him like “I’m ticklish too” when he was tickling our kids.
It just seems so unfair. Unfair because it was all innocent fun and yet in the back of Farmboys mind constantly was “I can’t touch this girl or it might get misinterpreted”. Unfair because what she really wanted (needed?) was a bit of attention and to feel like she was part of the fun.
When it was time for us to head off for tea. This little girl (she told me she was 9) ran up and threw her arms around Farmboy. He graciously put an arm around her in a brief embrace. She then gave me a huge hug.
Part of me wanted to pack her up and take her home with us. The other part of me was kind of relieved I didn’t have to. She was a rather draining child. I imagine she was trying to cram what might amount to a number of years of adult attention into those few minutes we gave her.
I guess it brought home to me how IMPORTANT it is that children are given attention from adults. Adults that they can TRUST.
I don’t know what this child’s future holds. I hope that the love we showed to her might somehow warm her heart. I pray that she won’t go looking for love from the wrong people in life but fear that she might.
I must admit that I learnt a lot from that 30-minute episode in my life.
The look on my own children’s face brought home to me how much they value me doing things with them. Something as simple as jumping on the jumping pillow with them meant a great deal to them (and it wasn’t a bad workout for me either).
I was stunned at how the children gravitated to the pillow with adults on there. I’m not sure if it was a novelty factor or what the reason was.
I was concerned with how quickly a young girl latched on to a complete stranger simply because they gave her a few moments of their time.
* Not her real name.
You may have guessed from the above post (and maybe my lack of response to comments???) that we’ve been away for a couple of days. We didn’t go far but we took our camper trailer and it was a FABULOUS couple of days “off”.The kids were really well behaved and seemed to have a GREAT time. And they didn’t fight!!! Well, not much anyway.
Naturally though, it’s nice to be home! 
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That’s quite sad. It sounds like perhaps the carer doesn’t give the child enough attention and/or affection. But we don’t know the whole story, there may be fairly strict instructions in place preventing such attachments. Meanwhile a little girl starves for attention and like you said may one day look for love in all the wrong places. The “system” seems sadly deficient doesn’t it? Makes me want to go and hug my own even though they are all grown and know that I love them.
Glad you had a nice time and made it back safely.
Tami sounds like a classic case of a child who has never known genuine loving affection. She has never had an appropriate, healthy ‘attachment’, thus has no boundaries. I see it all the time in my line of work, and it is sad. Really, really sad. Because when she’s older, it will turn sexual. It won’t be what she really wants, but it will be the only way she knows how to get attention.
Farmboy was right to keep his distance, because that little girl is probably just damaged enough to make a federal case out of something completely innocent.
Our children deserve better, don’t they?
I agree with Tracey. It’s typical behaviour from a child who has not been in a ‘normal’ parent/child relationship. We still see it with our foster boys. That neediness and want of full attention. It almost becomes part of their personality.
Hugs. You and Farmboy gave her alot of joy. She will probably remember you always.
Oh I so know these children. It doesn’t even have to be a background of abuse - just a little neglect or not feeling special or loved seems to drive some children to want it so much from anyone - and it is so draining and it is so sad - and it is also so scary, because we, the responsible adults who try not to pull away when they hug, know that there may be some who won’t pull away but pull towards and possibly hurt even more.
Gosh, between you and ArkieMama tonight there has been some fodder to digest.
Playing with kids is a great leveller. Kids have an opportunity to interact in a different way which is freer, more fun and in comfortable territory. It was great that you an opportunity like this to a girl who obviously needed it so much.
It’s sounds like a great day but, yes, it must have been difficult to see Tami so needy for affection and interaction. And I can understand feeling worried - as the others have said, that lack of boundaries is concerning and who knows what those vulnerabilities will lead to in the future. I understand the how draining it can be, too. I have some children on the periphery of my life quite similar and it is hard to find a balance between wanting to give them something better but knowing that I can’t fill the void. It’s a helpless kind of feeling.
I guess I can only take comfort in the fact that children are survivors. At the moment, her way of surviving might not be the healthiest, but she will find her way.