Not All Anti-Depressants are Anti-Depressing
Am I going to get a HEAP of spam with a heading like that? Or do they target randomly? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. 
I have to admit that I used to be ANTI anti-depressant drugs. I thought there HAD to be a better way. Not that I really thought badly of those who took them. I just thought that *I* shouldn’t need them. So perhaps subconsciously I kind of was thinking badly of those who took them. I’m sorry. 
When my GP suggested that I give a certain anti-depressant a try, I burst into tears. Which probably wasn’t all that surprising given I’d been in tears most of the duration of my visit.
He was wonderful and explained the physical side of depression. That it was no different to taking medication for diabetes or a kidney problem.
“Will I have to be on them forever?” I sobbed.
Apparently not. Most cases of Post Natal Depression are rectified with a period of time on the drugs that helps to reset the body.
Of course, there is a possibility that I’ve shorted out a function in my brain and if that turns out to be the case then yes, I would need to be on the medication for life. But of course, that’s a small possibility and if it indeed does turn out to be the case then it’s no different to a diabetic that’s on medication for life. Or something to that effect.
I left the office with a prescription for a very low dose of Efexor XR (one type of anti-depressant) that I had NO intention of ever filling.
I phoned DH and he suggested I get it filled and we’d talk more about what to do when I got home. So, I filled it. But I still had no intention of taking it.
Once home I rang a friend. I felt it was too soon to give in and resort to medication. She pointed out that I’d been struggling with this problem for two and a half years so it was hardly a “first resort”.
I started taking the medication. I got worse. That’s normal. Apparently. The body reacts to the drug by reducing it’s production of Serotonin. Great. But it does adjust and things start to improve.
They took a while. But eventually they started to improve. But in the back of my mind resides this doubt as to whether the medication has caused the improvement or whether it has been a natural result of resting more. Taking things easy. Not going out.
We still don’t know if they’re helping. I’m not as well as I feel I should be. My GP has left. I see a visiting Psychiatrist at a town about 2 hours away. He can only fit me in once every 2 months.
Apparently not everyone’s situation can be helped by the use of medication.
Apparently some patients are resistant to certain types of medication.
How do we tell? Trial and error. The only way to find out if the Efexor is helping or not is to come off it and see.
Great.
One thing I discovered about Efexor in my research was that it’s not an easy drug to come off of. Of course, I was already taking it when I discovered this.
So. I need to choose between accepting the kind of “half life” I feel I have now. I’m doing more than I was able to do when I first had the breakdown but a lot, lot less than what I would consider as “normal” for me.
OR. I take another 3 months out of my life. Another 3 months where I may not be capable of mothering my children. At all.
One month to wean off the Efexor and cope with the side effects of that. One month trial to make sure it’s fully out of my system and to see what I’m like without it. One month to gradually wean onto another type of anti-depressant (if necessary) with no guarantees that it will be any better.
I don’t want to take a medication if it’s not really helping. I like the idea of trialling some other methods of helping with the depression. Less “synthetic” ways of dealing with depression like diet, exercise and vitamins.
But I’m scared. Scared of what it will be like to wean off this drug. Scared of missing more time with my children. Just plain scared full stop.
To make matters more “scary”, this article happened to land in my inbox as I was around half way through writing this post. I honestly don’t know who to put my trust in.
All I want is to be well. Is that really too much to ask? Wellness is something we can tend to take for granted until we no longer have it.
For 4 years now I haven’t really felt myself. How many more years of my life is going to be taken from me by this “disease”?
Do I sacrifice another 3 months with the hope that the end result will be a better long term solution for me?
So, there you have it. Not all anti-depressants are anti-depressing. In fact, right now, I’m finding them ALL rather depressing.
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I was on Efexor for a little while in ‘02. It made me sick, so I didn’t take it long, even though I did feel a slight improvement.
I went on Paxil for over a year and a half before I wanted off. At first it really helped with anxiety, but I had a hard time because I’d be in a situation where I knew I’d be anxious but didn’t have they physical symptoms, so I didn’t know what to do. But eventually it came back, even after my doctor upped my dose. It took months to go off, but I did it and I don’t think I’ve reverted back to any previous depression or anxiety. I do make sure I take my vitamins - B vitamins and a calcium supplement seem to help a lot.
{{HUGS}} That’s certainly not an easy decision.
There is not enough support and help for depression or anxiety. I’m so sorry you have to suffer like this. My prayers for your success with medication.
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
http://www.grammology.com
Hi Jodi,
Best wishes with your decision. That study - I’m sure I read or heard somewhere a criticism that it involved only subjects with mild depression, which would likely skew the results somewhat. I’ll see if I can find a link. Okay, that took a while, but here is something http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23282771-2702,00.html
And I really hope you don’t take this the wrong way but I do think that although of course everyone wants to be happy, we grow and become stronger through adversity. You will never be the person you were four years ago, but I am sure there will be happier times ahead for you.
Take care and much love,
Emma.
Now let me clarify before I begin. I am not a psychiatrist, and my knowledge of mental health is minimal.
There is an element of truth to the article, but it is biased. Antidepressants can and do help, but they are not the be all and end all. And some antidepressants work better for some people than they do for others.
Wean yourself off this medication (under supervision from your doctor) It is not meeting your needs. Maybe you do need another form of medication, such as a SSRI type - and they have less side effects.
Efexor differs from the common medications, and is usually only prescribed for severe depression. Personally, I think it does more damage than good; particularly in the weaning period.
You mention in another area on your blog that you are getting a personal trainer and you have purchased a punching bag (and a very nice one, may I say). Exercise is brilliant for working through depression. Work that body hard and flood it with endorphins! And it is YOU taking control.
When you’re coming off the Efexor, there will be hairy days. Beat the heck out of that bag. Beat it hard! It will help.
*hugs and more hugs*
I’m sorry lightening. Praying that it works out ok which ever choice you make.
You know I am there for you. Always. Always.
<3 babe.
Big, big, bigs hugs Lightening. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you sitting there and trying to decide what’s the best course of action. I think I may have said it once before and I’ll say it now: I think you are a wonderful, incredible, courageous and strong woman and part of that is because you have always been so upfront in sharing stories with us about depression and how it affects your life. Depression so often gets swept away under the carpet so no one can see it and I think it makes you an even more beautiful person that you don’t do that.
My best wishes are with you as you work through this
:) 
((HUGS))
I am on Fluxotine, and like you agonised over it. Some of what you have written here could have been from my own mind.
I have come to an understanding of why I need it just for now. I have commited to my doctor to take it for a year and then will look to alternatives.
I hope you keep working toward the right path for you. It isn’t easy.
Much love.
My Opinion for what its worth is that Drugs don’t work for mild depression. having said that from my limited exposure into your life I dont think you suffered Mild Depression.
Having suffered severe depression and going on meds, then getting to a point at which they made me worse (with anxiety as a side effect) I think they are critical in Early stages of SEVERE depression.
As that guy points out though once the drugs get you back to a level of Mild depression then the other methods are probably more effective.
I did a post a few weeks back on my strategy to cope without the meds. When I follow it it works and works well.
Best of Luck. Be kind to yourself and expect to have it hard that first month. After that if Effexor isn’t for you then you should feel better or at least different rather than worse. If you feel worse, then Effexor was doing its job.
Know I am there for you during that time.
In regards your kids and 3 months ‘more’ that they will be without you, imagine how long it will be that you are not your whole self if the effexor is the problem and the only have half of you forever. Sorry hope that helps rather than hurts you.
I know the answer to ‘I don’t know who to trust.’ Might not be appropriate for you so if it feels wrong take no notice.
Trust yourself. Feelings are the language of the soul IMHO. Go in the direction that feels best, that feels the most comfortable or appropriate. Don’t fight the condition, get into its flow, see where it’s trying to take you.
I have been through something with some similarities - fibromyalgia. Purely a physical condition so it doesn’t feel as bad and my heart goes out to you, Lightening, for what you have suffered. But it was similar in that it interfered with my ability to live my life the way I wanted to at the time, and the way I thought I should. I wrote about it here if it interests you: http://iblog.net.au/tracknotes/2008/02/14/the-art-of-doing-practically-nothing/
I still have the condition but it isn’t apparent in my everyday. It just rears up to remind me of what it has taught me if I ever threaten to forget. It turns out it has been a wonderful blessing to me and has turned my attitude to life around completely.
Just imagine . . . I would love it if you could say the same thing one day. The blessing part, I mean.
Thank you so much for all the comments and support you’ve given me. I will respond in more detail. But it’s hot and I’ve been out most of the day and I’m very tired. But I wanted you all to know your words are being heard and are much appreciated. Hugs and love to all. xxx
Jodie,
My ex-husband has been through it all so your story definitely strikes a chord with me. Ultimately you need to do what is right for you - nothing else matters
-hugs-
It’s definitely not a question anyone can answer for you, probably not even your doctors. I guess my thoughts would be that if you’re feeling stuck, like they aren’t helping, maybe that’s indicative that you are ready to be better than they can make you. I can imagine that it’s a scary idea to stop taking them, especially with the withdrawal process. Me, I was too scared to go on them, in fact, have just struggled along by myself without even seeing my GP. I’ll never know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
You have a lot of support, and your family loves you. Whatever you decide to do, I trust that you’ll be okay. it would be nice if we could “know” in advance how things will be, but we can’t. If you’re ready to try despite not knowing, I think that’s a promising sign. Maybe on this, you can trust your instincts.
[[[hugs]]]
Difficult, go with your gut.
All the best.
I’m with Emma. I heard too that the study was for people with mild depression. Funny how while bagging other research etc for non-disclosure, the media aren;t disclosing the facts about this study.
I was on Zoloft which is an SSRI, and didnt have too bad a time with it. I guess I am one of the lucky ones that got the right drug first time around.
If you feel that its time to try something else then perhaps you are more ready than you give yourself credit for. And 3 months may seem like an eternity now, but its not that much given how many months lay beyond with so much potential. Trust your instinct and go with what it tells you.
Be quiet, sit under a tree in the middle of a paddock somewhere so that you can listen to your heart. Go with what it tells you.
I will be here for support in any way that I can while you do this. And as always, sending you {{{HUGS}}}}
Oh Lightening, I don’t have any advice for you, but I wanted to tell you I sure hope things begin to get better for you soon. Will be praying for you, if you don’t mind.
Please do not give up on the anti-depressants. It took four different medications til I found the right one that works for me. Depression is a chemical imbalance so you do need the medication to correct that balance and you need to take it (that is when you find the one that works for you) for at least as long as you think you’ve had depression. If you persist with the medication you will find an enormous difference in your quality of life and feel more in control of your emotions. Feel free to contact me for more discussion if you like. Hang in there - its a long road to recovery but worth it.
Karen - it’s interesting how our bodies react in different ways to different medications isn’t it.
Kirsten - I’ve heard of B-vitamins helping (and must get back to taking mine) but not calcium. I’d like to look at more “natural” ways of helping the depression if I can.
Kerrie - thank you
Dorothy - Nice to hear from you. I’ve been wondering how your recovery has been going. Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated.
Emma - you’re right, adversity does make us stronger. Or at least it can. Some days it’s easier to focus on those positives than others. Thanks for that link. That article provides a much better balance. I agree with them that there is a need to be careful that such articles don’t encourage people who benefit from these medications to stop taking them. Especially given the urge to stop taking medication can be pretty strong in such people (like me).
Anja - thank you. That’s part of the purpose of the bag. Unfortunately I do come into the category of severe depression. According to my GP, most patients he treats for depression he’d rate a 2/10 whereas I was a 8-9/10. So I do need to be careful not to go back there. I appreciate your thoughts and your disclaimer.
Marita - thank you for your prayers and support.
Kelley - thank you and I will take you up on your offer on FIA to keep an eye on how I sound (if you get this message).
Cat - thank you so much!
Widdle Shamrock - yes it is a hard decision and I’m of the opinion that these medications really DO help many people. I’m glad you’ve found something that helps and hope you continue to get the support you need.
Amy - yes it does help and didn’t hurt me at all. It’s great to have so many varied thoughts and opinions with working through this. You’re right. 3 months isn’t all that long in the scheme of the rest of my children’s childhood. And it’s likely that not ALL of the 3 months will be bad, possibly just a bit in the middle there somewhere and maybe not at all. You never know.
Hilary - thank you. You are right. I do need to trust myself. Or at least listen more carefully to what I feel my heart is truly saying here. I’m not all that great at doing either - listening to myself OR trusting myself. :/
Lis - thank you. It’s amazing how many people have suffered in some way from this disease.
Cerebralmum - thanks. I think you’re right. I am doubting my medication and one or another, coming off it will give me some answers as to how much it is helping.
Casdok - thank you.
Gemisht - your support is always appreciated.
Bit hot for sitting under a tree but I think I’ll try that once things cool down a little around here.
Jenn - Your prayers would definitely be appreciated.
Leanne - thanks for sharing your experience. I don’t want to give up on using medication, as long as it really is helping. I think after almost 2 years it is time to investigate if there is something out there that will help more than the Effexor.
A pretty personal post for me to introduce myself to you. I’m sorry about that. Hi, I’m K.
I don’t suffer from depression but my father has struggled for years.
He has been on anti-depressants on and off - as per the peaks and trough of his depressive cycle. He does suffer relatively severe depression so while he often does need medication, its not a permanent constant. I hope you find that reassuring.
He too had to try many different drugs to find ones which worked. And even then it wasn’t done. A drug would work for 6 months 12 months and then stop. He’s go onto something else until that stopped. Then the first one started again. At one point he was admitted into a facility - not because his depression was so severe but because its the only safe environment where they could play with his medication levels (beig able to triple what the GP prescribed, don’t want to do that and send you home).
Its been hard. But he’s found that taking Omega 3 supplements really help keep him bouyed when he’s off the medication. Its an idea that might help you.
The important thing is not to give up trying to find what is right for you, because whatever form it comes in, depression needs a kick in the bum to lift.
I hope you find yours soon.
Hi Jodi,
This isn’t really related to your decision, but maybe you should have a flick through some old emails / blog posts and remind yourself of how far you’ve come (eg Reflections on 2006).
I was at the osteopath today and there was a brochure there about depression. I took note of the web link ’cause I thought it may interest you. http://bluepages.anu.edu.au/treatments/what_works/
Take care,
Emma.
The calcium surprised me too. I find it is most effective in PMS - I get horrible mood swings during this time that cause Boyfriend and I to have big fights, and when I’m taking the calcium every day it’s reduced to a hiccup. I also don’t get the bewb tenderness with calcium that tends to occur at this time. I’ve tested this by doing some months on it and some months off, and I’m always better when I’m on it.
The B vitamins help to take the edge off the rest of the time.
Hey Lightening,
That was a brave post. I have been off Efexor now for six weeks. Boy it has been tough. The ups and downs that I have felt (as obvious in my blogging) have been truly distressing. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, I have no advice for you. All I know is that sometimes it is better to feel everything than to float along feeling not much of anything.
I wanted to let you know, I’m thinking of you and I’m so with you on this journey.
Just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you…
What a tough decision to have to make…I don’t think there is any ‘right’ answer but I just wanted to say what a good mum you are regardless of the outcome.
You seem to genuinely enjoy your children and create fun with them. This is what they will take with them from childhood - that you love them amidst the difficult times. I think you are an awesome mother - we are always our own biggest critics.
I always remind myself that I am the BEST mother that my children have.
95% of the time I’m a “good enough” mum and 5% of the time - I’m exceptional!
HUGS to You,
Beth
I’ve been mulling over this for a couple of days now. I know that coming off your meds and not knowing what will happen is scary. It’s huge. But if you never never go, then you’ll never ever know. It may not be good. But it may be better. As much as you are worried about setting yourself back if you make some changes you may also be keeping yourself from going forward if you don’t.
I know that’s not particuarly helpful……….. half a dozen of one and 6 of the other ……….. but what if the worst doesn’t happen. What if after the 3 months you find that you can cope ok using other methods or go onto a different medication that suits you better?
Either way, know that you are loved and supported.
hugs
Hi,
Noticed a few people have come over to my other blog from my above comment, and while I’d love to think its cause you all love me I imagine it was in anticipation of finding my blog post on Surviving without AD’s. So I have changed the website (I have too many Blogs LOL) and you will go to the right place now.
Lightening - I hope you are feeling a bit more at peace with your choice now. You sound like you have a good plan in place.
I was on Fluox for a long-ish period of time and came off them mid last year. Turns out there was something still not right and lo and behold… what i would term a bit of a breakdown occurred in January of this year. Fun. NOT. Anyway, thanks to some very very good friends, i found myself getting help. I’m back on meds - cypramil (sp?) this time plus some counselling. So far so good.
It made me mad to see those headlines.
I feel good on the ADs. I was really non-functional at the time I sought and got internvention. I have what they call garden variety depression. Hell, it it really is just a placebo, it’s working for me and I don’t care. End of story: definitely look into switching with the Dr.
Good luck with it.
Hi Jodi
I can feel your pain. I’ve been dealing with the realization that I will probably be on some type of medication for the rest of my life. My brain just does not function properly. If i had thyroid disease, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure etc. No one would say shit about taking these medications. Yet people seem to think that because I’m dealing with a mental illness they’re free to offer up comments about how unnecessary the meds really are. My body isn’t capalble of manufacturing chemicals. Upon further examination neither does my mother, sister, and were pretty sure my maternal grandmother suffered from depression as well (strong evidence for genetic link in our family)
I’ve been through at least 8 different medicine over 3 years before I found one that didn’t make me vomit and act like a bitch or a zombie. Did I mention I also suffer from mirgraines and irritiable bowel syndrome (both which also tend to be caused from low serotonin levels and both have been improved with meds).
Here’s the kicker…no matter what med i’ve been on I can’t get over intense feelings of fatigue. So the doctors just kept upping my meds and adding to them. I finally got a brain storm and went to a sleep doctor and it turns out I have a sleep disorder, a type of narcolepsy, which explain why the anti depression meds never helped my fatigue.
I guess my point is to realize you have a true disease that may require medication and there is nothing wrong with that. It may also take a long time to get it right since everybody is so different and so many other things (in my case a sleep disorder undiagnosed for over 10 years) are going on.
You have to find a doctor YOU TRUST and then stop listening to everyone else. I was going crazy trying to make everyone happy by doing their little remedy or trying to jusity why my doctor was doing this when theirs did this. Finally I just said this is my doc and i trust what he is doing. Period. It was so much easier with just one plan to follow. if it didn’t work after a set time period then we changed it, but didnt worry about it until then.
Its such a tough situtaion. Unfortunately there is still so much stigma against people with a mental illness. I hope my post helped a little as someone who has been there (for a long time) and understands what you are going through.
Hang in there and you WILL eventually find what is right for you!