Breaking It Down
It’s no surprise really that Singstar Princess is a lot like her mother when it comes to getting easily overwhelmed by organisational tasks. I often feel quite stressed when I take a glance into her bedroom. If the thought of having to tidy it up makes me feel ill, is it any wonder she feels the same way?
We have quite a dilemma when it comes to her “stuff”. On the one hand, her room gets out of hand because she has TOO MUCH stuff. On the other hand, the fact that she actually PLAYS with all that she has is a big contributing factor also.
Leighton’s room has always been a lot easier to keep under control (either by me OR him). That has a LOT to do with the fact that his toys tend to stay in his cupboard because he doesn’t USE them.
So it somehow feels wrong to take away toys that Singstar Princess is constantly making use of.
Part of her problem is also procrastination. She seems to always leave stuff out. Or she’ll dump something on the floor NEXT to her clothes hamper instead of putting it INTO the hamper (sound familiar??? 
).
Keeping kids bedrooms tidy is a dilemma faced by many parents. *sigh* I’m not a perfectionist when it comes to my children’s bedrooms (heck, I’m not a perfectionist when it comes to MY bedroom). But I can’t STAND to walk past and not be able to see the floor. I don’t think it makes for a happy environment for anyone in the family.
At this stage, we only insist that they tidy them up once a week - Saturday mornings. They have to be tidy enough to give them a decent vacuum. Princess Singstar is a bad asthmatic so it’s kind of important.
And you can SEE in their demeanour how much better they feel once their bedrooms are tidy.
This is something that used to be overseen by me. And I would often get into their rooms during the week to make sure they didn’t get *too* out of control in between.
But since my nervous breakdown, Farmboy has had to oversee the kids bedrooms. Which makes life harder on everyone.
1. He’s not quite as soft tolerant as me.
2. He doesn’t seem to understand the “overwhelmed” feeling - he’s a “get in there and get the job done” kind of bloke (but he’s learning).
3. He doesn’t have the time to get in there during the week to keep things under control.
Plus, the kids are getting older now so we expect a little more of them.
Anyway, after months of tears and trying to get Singstar Princess to do her bedroom in 15 minute stints with a break in between, I finally got my brain back into gear and wrote her a nice long list to follow - breaking the whole “tidy your room” down into tiny babysteps.
It would appear that it worked. Farmboy was most impressed this Saturday just passed to see Singstar Princess get stuck into her bedroom without any tears. There were a few by the end of the task but it was a vast improvement.
Basically I broke the room down into 10 steps, although each step has some mini instructions.
So it went something like this:
1. Clothing
* put dirty clothes in the hamper
* put clean clothes in the drawer
* anything you’re not sure of, hang on the end of your bed for mum to check
2. Barbies
* put all barbie things into barbie box
* check there is nothing in the box that doesn’t belong
* put lid on and slide under bed
…. and so on.
I was actually worried the finished length of the list might be overwhelming but she seems to be working her way through it reasonably happily. One of these days I will get in there and do a proper sort out and cull and hopefully that will help too.
It’s not easy being a “part time mother”. 
But at least we’re making progress on that front.
Wonder if I should write myself a “10 Step List” for cleaning up my bedroom???? 
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I always tell my kids that the first they should do, if not already done, is to make their bed. That seems to make the room look better straight away and they have a clear flat surface to sort things out on. And it gets stuff off the floor as they sort it so they feel like they are getting somewhere too, once they can start to see carpet
I know that overwhelmed feeling so well too. And I can relate to how my kids are feeling about their rooms.
Glad that the list worked for her on the weekend.
Yes, well it’s kind of assumed that her bed is made (assumed but not always carried through). They’re supposed to throw the sheet and the doona kinda straight when they get out of bed. Some days they do better than others.
It took me far too many years to realise the exact same thing… that I work far better with a few small tasks than one big one. I think the biggest reason is that I get a small buzz + a feeling of a well-deserved rest at the end of each effort, and finish up getting a LOT more done.
Light years ago, I went to a seminar on the energetics of space ( very hippy new age stuff) and have remembered only one thing. About children’s bedrooms. That children leave ’spoor’ in their rooms, secret unconscious messages that one should try to read rather than tidy up. So, I came home and lo and behold, my daughter’s room was decorated wall to wall with Kiss posters and other Heavy Metal posters that implied one scary little beastie that I had bred. BUT, sitting in pride of place was “Lotsalegs” her toy caterpillar and strewn around was a plethora of books, half chewed apples, puzzles and toys.
I realised what is on the walls is a temporary thing - the phase passed once the nose ring came into the household but it did say something about the stage of her growth. Barbies were gone - the campervan no longer used. Pink and purple banned for every. Black was the new Pink! Underpinning her sense of self were outdated and much loved comforts ( Lotsalegs is now her own children’s toy) but the importance of the books, the leaning towards puzzles and brain fodder was quite reassuring. Sure, under the bed were unimaginable things, mostly dirty laundry, but we all have to have a secret place for such things! Threatening to use a garden rake to remove said items things did settle down. There is not a child in the universe that doesn’t like to surround itself with possessions. It’s part of their learning values. The same daughter, recycles her own kids toys, once a month they decide what needs a ‘holiday/rest’ and they are placed in a toybox and ‘new’ toys come out. Favourites of course stay more or less permanently. Her little boy has a Wallace and Gromit and Gumby leaning. I wonder what that says about him. By the way, that same little nose-ringed monster has done two Masters degrees and is currently doing her PhD in Education, is Post Grad representative to the Academic Senate - first woman elected. So the message was there all the time! The books and puzzles, the confronting posters all told a story. She still eats apples when she reads and leaves the cores on the coffee tables! Don’t despair, your princess will not be little for long and she is not alone….
What a great idea. I’m glad that it helped. People (kids and adults) work differently. Sometimes, having someone like Farm Boy around who isn’t overwhelmed can be really helpful, and sometimes not. I was a shocker with my room when I was young. To the point where my mother one sunny afternoon threw everything in it (up to and including the mattress) and told me to put it back tidily.
I still haven’t figured out what works for me.
I think that’s great progress, Lightening, and really thoughtful, sensitive mothering as well.
That’s a great idea, to break it down into baby steps
It can be so overwhelming! With that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach,too.
We’ve found it’s easier on everyone’s blood pressure some days to give Feral Beast a hand, while other days he gets stuck in and sorts it out on his own as we direct him with individual jobs.
Some days I think kids just can’t see the mess for everything being strewn all over lol.
I used to make $1 bets with my school age kids, “bet you can’t clean your room before I finish the dishes” That sort of thing. But when they were really small it was a different story. Went something like this: go into your room and put away all the red toys, then you can have a biscuit (cookie for USA readers). After the biscuit it was go into your room and put away all the shoes. Then another small reward, like 10 minutes outside or 10 minutes tv, then it was, all of your teddies are looking tired, why don’t you put them in their shelf for a rest, and so on with me helping out until the room was done. When my eldest became a teenager all I had to do was threaten to move her back in to the room she previously shared with the younger girl. You never saw a room cleaned so fast!
This is what I love about blogging. All this wonderful sharing and supporting going on here in the comments section. You guys rock!!!! Just want you to know that and that I appreciate you taking the time to make the contribution you do to this site.
Cosmic - thanks for sharing. That’s a very interesting concept. I’m going to take the time to stop and pay more attention from now on.
River - I’ve done races with the kids. They love trying to beat mum at something. Although they see through it a bit now.
Naomi - yeah, babysteps is one good thing Flylady did give me (knives away now ladies
LOL).
Jayne - yep, some days that sure is the way to go!!! I agree. We all need a bit of a hand every now and then.
Cerebralmum - thanks for the encouragement. We all need it don’t we.
Thats a great example of positive parenting! Gold star for you!
We have the same differences between our girl and boy. Robbie’s room is used for sleeping and dressing so he just puts his laundry out and makes his bed and he’s all done.
Pink’s room is used for living. She doesn’t have toys anymore but she does have clothes (clean and dirty), books, cd’s, makeup, tissues (grrrr), art supplies and the like strewn everywhere. She used to be just like your Singstar Princess but as she has grown older she is much more capable or sorting on her own. I used to go sit on her bed and talk her through it, a bit like your list I guess.
Her room is still a mess a lot of the time but she is getting better at tidying it, and I am getting better at tolerating it. Fisherman on the other hand can’t stand it.
I’m trying to teach my girls to clean their room. Being that they are in preschool I’m using simple instructions.
Clothes in Draw
Books in Bookshelf.
When I finish painting the new toy box I will add “Toys in the Toybox” as well.
It makes a huge difference teaching them these simple instructions.
Because of Heidi’s language difficulties I’m going to use pictures to write their list to help at clean up time.
Lightening - you should check out this book: http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Mess-Disorder-How-Cluttered-Fly/dp/0316114758/ref=pd_sim_b_1
I’m 33 now and I *still* find baby step lists like that incredibly helpful for tasks that seem overwhelming! Congratulations for finding a method that works for all of you - and as it’s appropriate (I don’t know her age?), you could get her to help you make baby step lists for other tasks that get overwhelming… I actually keep my lists on the computer at Joe’s Goals (http://www.joesgoals.com/) and give myself the little green ticks for each step! *LOL* It might sound innane but it works for me and I find that I get FAR more things done with the little green ticks than when I’m just trying to keep track in my head of getting stuff done.
I figure if it works, it’s a good idea!!
Blessings,
Ricky
Sharon - a gold star???? AWESOME!!!! LOVE Gold stars.
Marita - I used to do this with DD. Part of our problem sadly is that my children haven’t had much of a mother for the past 2 years and now I’m gradually trying to get on my feet and pick up the pieces. There’s only so much a “single dad” can manage.
Stuffy - that book looks interesting. Love the Albert Einstein quote : “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then, is an empty desk”
Ricky - I am the same. Hence my home management folder. It contains lists and routines and what not. Works well, when I follow it!
Lightening,
You mean clothes aren’t suppose to be left on the floor? Really? Wow, I think I need your list for my room
Now isn’t that saying something about me haha
All joking aside, I had bunkbeds in my room at home so all of my clothes I used during the week were put one the top bunk and then on Saturday mornings they would get put away in their usually places. I did have a hamper for dirty clothes and that would go to the laundry room once it was filled.
I think my problem now-a-day is that I don’t have bunkbeds to store the clothes I’ve worn throughout the week but the instinct to set them aside and put them away on Saturday mornings is still there. They end up getting piled at the foot of the bed, on some tubbies I have, and as my room is tiny (the smallest room I’ve had by far for a bedroom) it always looks like a disaster zone.
Though I am with Gemisht, if the bed is at least made it makes the room look better toute suite. And if I know I am expecting company, than I clean the apartment from top to bottom. But when its just me and the cat, well we enjoy our messy place.
I think it’s easier for kids to not get overwhelmed when they have a clear idea of what they need to do. It can be overwhelming for us adults to walk into a room that is so messy we don’t even know where to start - I can imagine it’s much worse for your little girl. How wonderful that her mother thought to lay out some nice baby steps for her so she can just tick on down the list and be done! Great idea!! And so glad to hear it’s working, less tears is a wonderful thing.
my daughter’s room needs cleaned right now. I get frustrated at all the “stuff” too. We have a “before you take a new toy out, put the old one away” rule, but it rarely gets followed. My son’s room is also much easier to manage, probably because I’ve “binned” everything (small cars in one bin, blocks another, and so on), and it’s easier to keep track of his things. My daughter however, is much harder to “sort”. So I usually do it, then beg her to keep it clean.
I like your list idea…I think I will try to incoporate that.
Your children have had a mother all along. They have always known that you love them, that you would lay down your life for them (because even I know that you would do that). Keeping their rooms tidy and their washing done is such a tiny peice of the big picture.
They are not going to remember you making them do dishes or tidy their rooms when they are grown up. They WILL remember that you loved them, you hugged them, you encouraged them and worshiped with them.
You are a fantastic, loving, caring, wonderful, amazing mother and friend.
Don’t ever let me hear you say anything different!
Lightening this is wonderfully common sense advice. I’m in the process of getting my own “stuff” (paper work etc) organised - and the only way I’ve been able to achieve that is by breaking the overall job down into smaller chunks.
Have you ever had a job so big to do that it’s overwhelming? And when you think about it you get butterflies or nausea just thinking about it? But when you gradually tick one task off after another - gee it’s a great feeling of accomplishment, and you wonder why you didn’t just attack it in the first place…
Kids are no doubt the same - hence the tears and tantrums. You can yell at them to “just do it” all you like (and I’m guilty of that from time to time), but what you’ve done is display a practical way of dealing with the larger issue. If you can impart that ability on kids early, then it becomes a routine way of dealing with larger problems. Good job
Did I mention that I think it is a great idea?
I did up a simple list for my hubby to follow about how to wash the dishes (glasses before greasy trays etc).
When I worked for the Caravan Show organisers we’d break the entire show down into smaller areas - and they got broken down even further. Makes it much easier to manage.
I’m doing to same now for the fundraising at Kinder, breaking each fundraising activity down into little pieces. Is helping me delegate too because I’m such a perfectionist I hate letting a project go. is easier to let ‘pieces’ of a project go.
Maggie - LOL. My bedroom is often a work in progress too. :/ BUT, I do ALWAYS make the bed. I hate the look of an unmade bed. Even when we leave a motel or whatever I have to at least flip the covers up a little cos I cannot leave the bed unmade. Which is probably quite annoying to the stuff who then have to pull them back to strip the sheets.
Jenn - absolutely!!!! I often get overwhelmed.
Linda - yeah, we try that rule too. Some days it works better than others.
Sharon - what was that rule about not making someone cry at work???? Oh yeah, that’s right. I’m at home. But you still made me cry. Thank you.
Meg - I HATE paperwork with a passion!!!! And Tuesdays is my “office day”. I have to set aside a day to try and get mail sorted, find my desk, update the spending book and so on. I’m not a big fan of Tuesdays (other than I get to be close to my beloved laptop pretty much ALL of the day
- and of course, I NEVER get sidetracked….;) ).
Marita - a HORRIBLE thing happened last night. Our DISHWASHER broke!!!! Aaaarrrrggggghhhhhh…… Wonder if my DH has a clue how to wash anything but pots and pans….
Your very welcome. I do beleive that is the first time someone has ever thanked me for making them cry
I actually re read my post and thought I came across a bit school marmish. Glad to see you took it the way it was intended. As encouragment and love.
How do you think those boys are feeling playing tennis today? Might have to treat mine to an icecream!
No, it didn’t really sound School Marmish to me Sharon.
As for tennis - Farmboy is umpiring. So I guess Leighton will probably get a cold drink or ice cream. Especially given they have to go to the roadhouse to get tea before coming home.
Linda: I tried that with my kids for a while (put a toy away before getting out a new one) and was told, very carefully, because MUMMIES DON”T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS, that the new toy was being involved in the game already going on so BOTH toys had to be out (or all 3…4)
Oh boy! I did a whole post on this once. It resulted in a clean room for about a week. Last Sunday (not two days ago!), I went into meltdown. We had a screaming match, which resulted in me going in there, bagging up everything she owns (except bedding and clothing) and removing it. She was grounded for life. She was NEVER buying anything at the canteen again. She had EVERY SINGLE ONE of her privileges taken away, to be slowly earned back. She was the most ungrateful, disrespectful child God ever put breath into. Rant, rant, rant. Did it work? What do you think?
She has made a mess. Again. She has used the sheets from her bed to make a tent. Can I really complain about that? I don’t think so. And? At age 10 years and 11 months? She got her first period, just days after the screaming match.
Maybe, just maybe, I could have cut her some slack. Mother of the year? Not this time!
And? There is NO SUCH THING as a part time mother. Your kids love and adore you for who you are. You are their world. Don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s an order
Tracey:10 years and 11 months? Thats so cruel (for both of you).
I think you need to take your own advice though. Stop beating yourself up, cut yourself some slack, how on earth were you supposed to know that little bombshell was about to drop?
And Lightening: as I’m sure you already know the boys had a marathon game against each other! And yes, drinks and icecreams were involved. Farmboy and I had the same idea for after the game!
Tracey,
10 years 11 mos? I wasn’t ready for at 13! I cannot imagine what your daughter, or you, are going through. Chocolate therapy anyone?
Sorry to take over LIghtening! The kid and I were well prepared. She’s been ‘developing’ for a couple of years now. We’d had the talk, several times, so she knew what to expect.She had all the gear she needed (thankfully), and some idea how to use it. Nobody could have predicted the timing though. Did I mention I was working in Sydney at the time, and she had to tell me on the phone? There goes that mother of the year award again! And she was too embarrassed to tell her dad! So I then had to break it to him, over the phone! The three of us took her out for a very grown up lunch on the Saturday to celebrate. So it was all good in the end.
Tracey - please don’t be sorry. What I would really like this blog to be about it community. I love the way you guys talk to each other in my comments. It really adds a personal and loving dimension to this blog which means a lot to me. I think most mum’s could tell a “just before the first period” conflict type story. From what I can gather, it happens.
I had a “not so proud mummy moment” with Leighton when he was 6. I had a newborn baby and a 3 year old so we were trying to teach him to walk home from the school bus. It wasn’t all that far (although now we’re closer again). Less distance than some of the town kids would walk. Usually I would check out the window to see the bus arrive and him get off and start walking home. This particular day I was in the middle of feeding the baby so sent 3-year old DD to check if the bus had come. She replied that it had. What she didn’t know to tell me though was that the bus hadn’t left again. Leighton had refused to walk home and the driver had had to send one of the older kids to walk him up our drive and then wait until she got back to the bus. I was so embarrassed when she knocked on the door. The next morning I told the bus driver that we expected him to walk home (and had been for a few days). Two days later the kids ended up with blood in his urine. He had an infection in his kidneys brewing which was why he didn’t have the energy to walk home from the bus. Boy did I feel HORRIBLE. But we can’t know these things so I guess we just do our best.
River - Singstar Princess uses exactly the same argument. But I’m playing with ALL of them!!!!
Sharon - Leighton was rather exhausted. Very long and close game though.
I knew what to expect, my mum had given me several books to read and I remember the special talks we had with the Public Health nurse, but I still wasn’t prepared for how weird it all seemed. I certainly didn’t seem grown up, the physical development never really happened until High School, and even then….
After my first, I didn’t have it for 4 months, then school started and well that was just disastrous. Needless to say I don’t leave the house without an extra pair of undies, and plenty of supplies on me. At all times.
Poor Leighton. This parenting gig is NOT easy! But there’s never a dull moment.