Listen to Your Heart
When you’re pregnant with your first child, the most difficult thing you think you have coming in your future is giving birth. At least that’s what I thought. As things turned out, the birth was the EASY bit.
In case you’re feeling a tad jealous about the fact that my labor was so short. Let me fill you in a bit on what happened after Leighton arrived in the world. I spent less than an hour in the delivery room before he was born but around 3 hours after. It took over an hour for the placenta to deliver and then quite some time for them to stitch me up (even though I only needed 6 stitches). Then when I went back to my room for a shower, I fainted in the shower. Thankfully my DH was there to catch me as there wasn’t a nurse in sight.
Leighton was extremely sleepy for several days after he was born and was very difficult to feed. He had jaundice as well. I cried non-stop for most of the time I was in hospital. I couldn’t sleep. The midwife was a total bully. At times they wouldn’t even allow my DH to come and visit me. I would be crying in my room because he hadn’t come back and he would be waiting in the waiting room because the midwife would tell him I was sleeping (even though I wasn’t).
Let’s just say it wasn’t the easiest beginning to motherhood that one could have. What made it even harder was that the midwife on duty most of the time I was in hospital treated me like an incompetent idiot and really knocked my confidence.
I was sure if we could just go home I would get some sleep (in my own bed with DH by my side) and Leighton would settle down and stop screaming his head off all day.
I. WAS. RIGHT.
But sadly I didn’t have the confidence to push my own opinion and so I stayed in hospital several days longer than I wanted to. My DH and I even cornered the doctor on his way out of the hospital one day to ask if there was a medical reason I needed to be in hospital. He couldn’t see any reason why but being a young and inexperienced doctor, he wasn’t prepared to make waves.
The minute we walked into the back door of our home, Leighton settled down. No longer a screaming wreck, he became a happy and contented baby.
Unfortunately we had another little drama a few days later when I got very sick from retained placenta. I really thought I was going to die I felt that bad. Thankfully the breastfeeding stimulated my body to pass the rest of the tissue but I guess with such a slow start, it didn’t pass it before infection set in.
This was followed by another bout of screaming from Leighton as he reacted badly to the antibiotics I was put on to clear up the infection.
It all sounds like a terrible start doesn’t it? But I was so in LOVE with my baby and in LOVE with being a mother that for the most part, it wasn’t too bad.
One particular incident that occured a few days after I got home from the hospital stands out in my mind as a pivotal moment in my life as a mother.
My own mum was staying with me for my first week home from hospital. In those days Farmboy was working ridiculous hours for his dad and there was very little flexibility in the expectations put upon him.
Leighton was sleeping in his pram in the dining room that joined onto our lounge. All of a sudden the most awful feeling came over me and for some reason I happened to say outloud “oh, I feel so awful all of a sudden”.
My mum went straight to the pram to find Leighton silently choking on some mucus.
I learnt a very valuable lesson that day. To listen to what my instincts were saying. I’m not saying I’m a perfect mother. That I don’t make mistakes. But learning to “listen to my heart” has been the most valuable lesson that I’ve learnt in my decade as a mother.
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I lacked confidence for my first birth too. Kept my mouth shut and did what I was told. Totally different story for all subsequent babies.
The saddest thing I heard out of that story was that your midwife was a bully. Someone who was supposed to advocate and help to empower you did nothing to support you at all.
I agree with you 100% though. Go with your heart, ALWAYS go with your heart.
A very uselful lesson to learn!
Remembering it sometimes is the hard part!
I wish I had listened to my heart my first delivery too - you made a great discovery for yourself that many mums don’t learn soon enough … thanks for sharing.
That mummy instinct it amazing isn’t it? After Boo was born I kept telling them something was wrong and they didn’t believe me. Until he turned blue IN FRONT OF THEM and they realised that he had Apneoa of Immaturity and nearly freaking DIED!
i had a bully midwife too. Wonder if they are sisters?
Oh I agree with you - always listen to your heart and your instinct. Like your blog.
I really enjoyed that post… unbelievable that the bullying midwife wouldn’t let Farmboy in to see you though!!
Yep, charity contributions are frequent because my pay is sometimes a little variable and if I put aside 10% from each pay then I know that I’m hititng that 10% target (well, almost got there, just can’t calculate sometimes!) . It comes to the same amount if I just did it in one payment. [And the extra ones are a one-off.]
I have to admit, it’s really interesting breaking it down into percentages! I hope that at the end of Feb I can get a more detailed breakdown by tracking everything I spend - including breakdowns on our groceries so that I know what I’m spending on meat, treats, f&v, etc as you talked about in your grocery series.
Love this post on following your Mommy instincts. I wish you had had a better experience, though, how awful having to deal with a bully midwife! Who wouldn’t even let your husband in to see you! Geez!
River - I didn’t say too much with any of my births. Thankfully I had much different staff for the 2nd and 3rd though.
Tiff - yeah, it was sad because I *think* her heart was in the right place (funny as that sounds) but the execution was terrible. I wasn’t disappointed when she left town.
Casdok - absolutely!
And lately my illness has made hearing that inner voice reliably a little hard which has been a struggle for me after relying on it for so long.
Trish - thanks.
Kelley - I’m not sure why the medical staff don’t listen more? As for our midwives being sisters…. sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
Mimi - thank you
Cat - yeah, it was a shocking thing to do in my opinion. You’re doing well with your financial stuff!
Jenn - I guess the *good* thing about bad experiences is that we can learn and grow through them. So I’m learning……
I had a bully midwife for my first, too, which sapped any confidence I had as a first time mum. Fortunately when we got home we both settled down.
I am like you; I hated being in hospital but relaxed as soon as I got home. I always found I had less support in hospital where I was trapped in a single room and couldn’t even take my screaming babies for a walk or hand them to their Dad, than I had once I was home.
Kate
We had one too, but she did the right thing and made us go and see a specialist for our daughters colour, which the Singaporean Paediatrician thought was a sign of health. Turns out it was a sign of severe sickness and Hannah and Mum spent a week in hospital. Lucky.
Hi, found you from the blogging carnival. Really liked this post. I was lucky and although I did not have any terrible experiences through my labours, I did work out after the first one that I needed to assert my needs. I didn’t have to lie down if I didn’t like it just because they said - their role is to work around making me - the mother more comfortable. I think you are right about the midwife having the best intentions too. They do this stuff so frequently it could possibly be easy to slip into “I know what they need” mode. Every mum will have different needs and they need to be listened to.
Although a massive researcher and planning nerd, so much of what I do with the kids is based on my gut instincts and what my heart tells me is right for us.