Yes, getting married and learning to understand one another is a big learning curve. 12 years down the track my DH and I are still learning. It’s been loads of fun though and I highly recommend it (marriage that is).

I totally know how you feel about parents and how they “choose” which sibling to help. My husbands grandparents chose his aunt over his father. It has been a huge family drama for a long time- and our wedding made it worse. The funny this is the aunt really wants nothing to do with them, and my in-laws really wanted to be close to grandparents! Its almost like parents pick the child that is pushing away- and will do ANYTHING to keep that child close- at the expense of loosing other children. And unfortunately this cycle is almost repeating with my husband and his sister! They give her everything! We are married and in college- WE need HELP!!!!

Something I have learned with my depression and own family issues is that we all need to more introspective and look at the impact we have on those around us- both good and bad. I feel I have become “self aware”, and am now more in control of my own happiness than I have been in years!

And yes- taking up baking cupcakes for EVERYONE I know has been a large part of my joy. (I have made over 300 cupcakes since September of this year!) Sorry for my rant- but do things that make you happy, even if it baking dozens of cupcakes and trying one form every batch!

I went down the “cards are a waste” type road for a while but now I think that was just an excuse not to bother. They are NOT a waste of time and resources if they make someone smile. There are plenty of other areas environmentally that we can be focusing on aren’t there. And they’re so easy to recycle, make something with etc etc. In fact, it doesn’t take all that much to make a card out of recycled materials if you’re that way inclined.

I guess all we can do is share our own experiences in the hope that the message might get around in regards to what depression is like, that it is a physical as well as an emotional illness and ideas on what can be done to support someone you know if they’re suffering. And of course, find a little bit of time in our week to send a note or a card to someone ourselves (and that’s not an EASY challenge).

So much of this post resonates with me that I don’t even have the words to express it. And I get the depression thing, but I didn’t get ONE card. I think it is just that people don’t do cards anymore. It’s recycling mania or something. I can understand it, cards aren’t exactly cheap but we’ve all got printers haven’t we?

Cheers!
Snoskred
http://www.snoskred.org

Cathy - thank you. We’re doing fine with the in laws really - well, better than we were. In law relationships sure are tough aren’t they.

Kendall - glad you’re enjoying the posts. It really got me thinking too. LOL.

Frogdancer - that’s wonderful. Do they know that you still have those cards and how much they mean/meant to you?

Emma Jean - I know what you mean. Putting it in writing makes it so permanent doesn’t it. I think a simple “thinking of you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way. I wonder sometimes if we try too hard to say the right thing when the fact that we’re saying anything at all is what really matters?

Leanne - it’s tough isn’t it. Families can be hurtful by their actions or inactions. Then you get the other extreme where some Grandparents are expected to do too much.

Miserly Mum - sending you (((HUGS))). Why is it that we find it so hard to put ourselves first at times. I know it’s something I struggle with. I get so worried about becoming selfish that instead I run myself into the ground and I’m not good to anyone.

River - it’s particularly hard when we’ve been programmed like that - to be self sufficient. Sometimes it is hard to know where the line of interfering is. I guess that’s why I prefer unobtrusive things like cards or a cake. That doesn’t necessarily give the practical assistance that can sometimes be needed though can it.

Ali - yep, stubbornness can be a problem at times. I know it well.

Beth - thank you so much for sharing. I hope you don’t mind that I shared some of this comment in todays post.

Teachingmum - you are doing so well! You might find it helpful to list a few ways in which you make others smile each day too. I think you and I are alike in many ways. Something my counsellor has been encouraging me to do is write down the things that I AM doing as I can tend to focus on the things I’m failing to do too much. I’m thinking in particular when it comes to your children - I’m sure there are more than 4 things a day you do to make them smile!

We have had some similar struggles and have taken a long time to recover. Life as we knew it to be became scary and unpredictable. For us it was about 2 years for life to reflect ‘normal’. We have grown from this experience and look for joy consciously each day (we list 4 things each that were a source of pleasure for us). We also list 4 things each that we did to bring joy to someone else (a concept from ‘Eat Mangoes Naked’ by SARK). Our kids love this and it helps us to actively look for them. I actually make a practice to write mine down (they make me smile again later when I re-read my list).
My list of things that gave ME pleasure today was:
1. My morning coffee (made by my hubbie just the way I like it).
2. The drawing of a person doing yoga with a goofy smile(drawn by one of my 6 year old twins). I put it up at my desk at work and it reminded me to BREATHE through the stress of the day and made me SMILE.
3. The sound of laughter in the backseat of the car on the way to school this morning. It was spontaneous and full of abandon.
4. Hubbie arriving home from work early today. I just loved the sight of him walking through the door. It was such a treat that he was early.

Joy I brought to others:
1. Took some frozen pasta sauce to school for a fellow mum who has been unwell.
2. Made a cake for my family to have as a treat for morning tea through the week.
3. Read with my children at school.
4. Washed whites so there will be school and work shirts for my family.

Looking forward to yout next installment.